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Anyone else have a home birth for the first, but not the second? Share your stories please!

brianamahbrianamah member
in Natural Birth
Hi all! When I was pregnant with my first, there was almost no debate about whether I'd do a home birth or not. I felt very very sure of my decision, I felt safe, I didn't care for hospitals, and I was dubious of hospital staff. 

Then, weirdly, when I found out I was pregnant with my second (about 2 years after my first was born), I just didn't have the same certainty about home birth. For all of my first trimester I put off thinking about how I wanted to deliver and had all of my prenatal care through my regular OB/GYN (who I have for the GYN purposes, and not the OB).

Finally, at 16 weeks I felt it was time to make up my mind and I ended up deciding not to do a home birth and instead to deliver with the midwife practice at a very progressive hospital in the area. I still very much prefer the midwife style of care and I am confident in their no intervention approach. But every now and then, I question my decision. 

Anyway, I'm curious if anyone else has gone back and forth between the two and what was it that influenced your decision. For me, it was mainly that I loved my home birth midwives right up until the night I delivered. It was then that I started to feel they weren't listening to me and wound up feeling really unsafe. Specifically, I had an unexpectedly speedy labor and I couldn't seem to get them to acknowledge that over the phone. I was telling them I felt like I was about to push out the baby involuntarily and they were trying to assure me it was early labor and I should get back to sleep. By the time they arrived I was 10 cm dilated and my son was delivered about 20 minutes later. Everyone was healthy, but I felt like we were very close to something going wrong. And I guess that just stayed with me. I knew I could find different midwives, but it was the thought of being at home that bothered me. Which is unfortunate. I still support home birth, I just feel like it's not right for me this time around. And it's hard accepting that. 


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Re: Anyone else have a home birth for the first, but not the second? Share your stories please!

  • brianamahbrianamah member
    @danisgossipgirl

    Thanks for sharing. That extra set of "what ifs" is something I've been dealing with too. The newfound fears that come with actually knowing what it is to be a mom...and what it means to actually be in labor. 

    Your story reminded me of two major things I didn't do. One, take a hospital tour. Two, make an appt with my previous midwives anyway just to see what's what. I think I've been avoiding both because I might not like the outcome. Jeez... in denial much?
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  • iris427iris427 member
    I had a home birth with my second baby and decided to have a hospital birth with my third.  A big part of this reason was because a HB midwife in my area was arrested after a birth that went wrong.  Reading about the case, it was pretty clear to me that this situation would not have occurred in a hospital, where routine policies and oversight from other medical professionals would have prevented it.  This MW was able to push the boundaries of safety because she had zero oversight, and a baby died.  I'm sure the parents trusted her, but in the end you can't know if a midwife is trustworthy until after the fact.  So after this, I started looking at home birth stats in the US (not studies from other countries) and seeing that they had much higher death rates than hospital births.  No matter how great a midwife is, she can't conjure an OR or a neonatal resuscitation team in your living room.  I'm a VBAC mom too, so I had to consider the risk of rupture at home--what if I had ruptured during my HBAC and lost my amazing baby boy?  He is such a light in our lives and I can't imagine if my choice to birth away from the resources of a hospital had taken his life.

    I just had my third baby on 7/3 at the hospital and I'm so glad I did.  We had a precipitous delivery with a shoulder dystocia.  You often hear that home birth is safe because sudden emergencies are rare--well they are rare, but one happened to me.  It can happen to anyone. Everything was fine until it wasn't, and suddenly we had a life-threatening emergency where every minute counts.  I was SO SO glad to be in the hospital when it happened, where we had a whole team of experienced professionals, a NICU down the hall, etc.  They saved my son's life.  What would have happened if we had been at home?  We might have still been waiting for the HB provider to arrive, or maybe they wouldn't have been able to handle the SD quickly on their own and my baby could have been injured or even might have died. Some of the SD home birth stories I've read are horrifying.

    It sounds like you don't trust the MWs you had last time, and your gut is telling you the hospital is the right place to be.  I completely understand feeling hesitant to go from home birth to planned hospital birth, because I felt wary for a while too.  But by the end of my pregnancy I felt confident in my decision and it was the right choice.  I wish you the best for your upcoming delivery.  
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  • brianamahbrianamah member
    @iris427 Wow that is a VERY scary situation. And you're right in pin pointing that it comes down to a trust issue and that the MWs broke my trust and it altered my opinion of the whole process. I'd still recommend home birth to anyone who asked me, but maybe just recommend their practice. Anyway, glad to hear from someone who went through the same change of heart as I did. 


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  • MrsP7309MrsP7309 member
    I agree with @iris427, you absolutely need to trust your birth team.  You said you felt unsafe, and it's really, really hard to have a med-free birth if you're not comfortable with your surroundings.  Go with your gut.
    Married July 3, 2009 | Furbaby Trevor July 15, 2009 | Furbaby Darcy May 15, 2010 | BFP August 14, 2012 | DD April 18, 2013
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  • iris427iris427 member
    @danisgossipgirl ygpm back :)
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  • dmhrn13dmhrn13 member

    It doesn't sound to me that you don't trust your midwife. What I understand when I read your post is that something is telling you to have a hospital birth this time & I think trusting your own gut is the best plan. Just my opinion.

    I am a midwife that delivers in the hospital. There are things no one can anticipate & if they go down, you want to be where folks can handle it. Just choose your provider wisely so you know they aren't going to give you needless interventions.

    I had a woman who planned a home birth but the home birth midwives in our community had a waiting list for the month she was delivering. She came to my practice. She had a lovely, unmedicated natural birth, and then a big fat complication that I don't need to go into but being in the hospital saved her life. To me, that's the universe looking out for her.


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