How do you keep it fresh for your husband?

MrsDee1982 · July 2014

So, I got a positive OPK this morning, so as the dutiful TTCer, I woke my husband up and said "hop on!" (in a slightly more romantic way…)

Well, about 10 minutes later, he rolled over and said "I lost it". This usually only happens if he's been drinking a lot. He got so upset with himself and started talking about "there's just so much pressure!"

I calmed him down and told him "Hey, we've got a 24-36 hour window of opportunity here. No pressure. If it doesn't work the first time, we'll just keep trying"

We went back to sleep and about 30 minutes later I gently started trying again. That time it worked.

It really bothered me though, because I feel like I am a huge source of this pressure for him. This is our 3rd official cycle of TTC.

How do you ladies keep it fresh with your husband, so he doesn't feel like he's just a penis. I really don't want this to become a mental block for him, or for me.

TIA.

MamaBina · July 2014

This happened once to my hubby this cycle. Just try to have fun! We laugh a lot and keep it light.

honoraurora · July 2014

I really don't even tell him when I'm ovulating, I find he's really not all that interested in the technical stuff lol as long as he's getting some... when he asks that's when I may let him know other than that I use TB as my TTC outlet and I try to make sure we have sex regularly throughout the month at least 2-3 times a week...Good luck

KingLED · July 2014

I never told him when I was more or less likely to ovulate. He knew how to look at my chart if he wanted to know what was going on, but he almost never did. Enjoy the sex. Don't tell him why you're frisky.

MrsDee1982 · July 2014

"Oh, and blowjobs. They're not just for junior high kids on the ski bus." This is how I got round 2 started

MrsDee1982 · July 2014

Haha! I am afraid to ask about these previous posts you are referring to, but I can see how my thread title could mean more than 1 thing!

kmaty13 · July 2014

My H said those same words a few months ago. Now I don't tell him when I think I'm ovulating and I try not to stress about timing. Easier said than done but I could see where he was coming from. It also seemed more like a chore so we just try to have more sex throughout the whole month now and I'll throw in some lingerie every now and then.

myatala · July 2014

bibliothecary said:
Yeah, I'd stop telling him when it's a good time and just have a good time. Men want to believe that we want their hairy, lumpy bodies all the time. Let them think that. Oh, and blowjobs. They're not just for junior high kids on the ski bus.

YES. Honestly this is my #1 best move to initiate sex. Quicker and more effective than groping alone.

Our way of keeping things "fresh" for babymaking sex is varying positions, mostly. I will try almost any position we can manage in hopes it'll successfully get Husband off.

divinemsbee · July 2014

Okay, so this whole mobile response box on my laptop is going to make this hard to read, and I'm sorry. What you did today is pretty much what I do. I do tell H when the time is right, and it's one of the reasons we start mommy daddy sheet monster time earlier in the day. If it doesn't work at that moment, we just try again later. And that generally works. My H is pretty goal oriented, so once he knows it's time to throw down, he does it. It's not always fun or pretty, and sometimes it does lead to 45 minutes of P in V while I make encouraging moans, but it works. I do try to make sure that the rest of the month we have lovely spontaneous sex.

Jags8 · July 2014

Stop telling him when it's time. Just pounce him.

catwine · July 2014

I just initiate sex but don't tell him why. He really doesn't care why to be honest! Once he said something about it so I said that being off BCP has increased my sex drive, which is true. I don't want to put pressure on him by saying we have to have sex at a certain time.

Catcherryesux · July 2014

Husband has the sex drive of a 17 year old. I don't think there'd ever be a scenario where he'd turn it down.

That said, if I were to instigate sex because I knew I was ovulating, I'd probably keep the reason to myself and just let him think I was so super horny I had to wake him up.

divinemsbee · July 2014

Sorry, just saw this, for the record "mommy daddy sheet monster time" is a quote from 30 Rock, which is one of our favorite shows as a couple. I was just using it as a joke, but we do occasionally use it to refer to sex. We also use the Russell Brand bit where one of us will point to our crotch with both hands and go 'Hmmmmmmm?' For us, humor has always been a really strong part of our relationship. H can make me laugh like no one else has ever been able to. Sometimes you just need to keep things light, keep things fun, especially when you've been banging for 4 days straight and you're both tired of it. That's not to say we don't have sexy sex, but when the chips (or the dick) are down, dirty talk sometimes almost makes it worse or kind of like a farce, whereas humor works for us. A trail of rose petal leading to the bed is great, but saying 'how about it, but I'm leaving my bra on' also works.

Unrelated: Those of you who are making paragraphs, are you using a different browser (it's like this in IE and Firefox for me), or do you know how to make them on this stupid mobile response box. I'm trying something, so we'll see if this works. ETA: Thanks @Joy2611

MrsDee1982 · July 2014

Oh humor is a huge part of our relationship. A few weeks ago, I was in bed and he was in the living room. I get a text from him and it is just the emojis of the "ok" finger symbol and the "pointing" finger symbol. My reply was "Yeah, sure. Giggity"

PrimRoseMama · July 2014

We just have sex whenever. Then again we aren't actively TTC. We were the same during TTC though. Basically we are happy with twice a week if we can get it.

BillyHorrible · July 2014

Catcherryesux said:

Husband has the sex drive of a 17 year old. I don't think there'd ever be a scenario where he'd turn it down. That said, if I were to instigate sex because I knew I was ovulating, I'd probably keep the reason to myself and just let him think I was so super horny I had to wake him up.

This was us pre-kid. Post kid we're just always exhausted, so although we both enjoy sex, we really have to carve out time for it. I asked him once what 17-year old him would have said about passing on sex for sleep. Him: 17 year old me would say you can never be too tired for sex.

itshumpday · July 2014

I'm with @bibliothecary‌ and @myatala‌ . putting it in my mouth usually starts the fire.

LisaG09 · July 2014

Call me an ultra-feminist but I don't do anything for him. I want a baby, he wants a baby. We both know how babies are made. It's his responsibility to take care of business then if everything works out just perfect and we are very lucky, I'll take over from there for the next nine freaking months.

We have our whole lives to have sex with each other whenever we want. During my FW, sex is business. Sometimes it does feel like a chore but one that we are both happy to do. He has gotten pressured before so we took a few minutes break. I'm not opposed to helping him out however I can but I don't feel obligated. He wants this as bad as I do and we're both making sacrifices.

So far this attitude works for us, it probably wouldn't work for some guys but at the moment it does for us. After our first month when we only hit like two days in my FW, I sat him down and discussed it. He said he wanted a baby as soon as possible and would do whatever it took to increase our chances. We read up on what increases our chances together and we're both agreed on the game plan. Maybe we're goal oriented or perhaps I'm insensitive to his manly feelings, either way, we're confident in our TTC strategy. Plus it makes me feel like team captain, making plans to bring home the gold! We could be a cute underdog story movie for sure. Anyway, good luck! I hope you find what works for you.

ETA: Forgot paragraphs breaks.

divinemsbee · July 2014

@LisaG09 I don't disagree. That's pretty much our game plan; I do try to have Plan B's when things don't go perfectly in the bedroom, but we're both very focused on the goal. H actually can get more focused on 'we are going to do this today' than I do. I've fully admitted to being kind of a bitch, at least in my head, about it. Especially for us now, that I'm the one dealing with pills and surgery, he wants to do his part as well as possible.

Ladymouse · July 2014

I tell DH "I think my fertile week will be X days." He initiates more and I don't have to be so aggressive when I initiate. He's also FINALLY discovered quickies so... that'll freshen things up.

mrskimmell · July 2014

We haven't run into this yet and we have been ttc for about 18-19 months. I am super comfy with sex and talking about it so I alwAys bring in new stuff. I brought him a skirt one time and told him to give me a lap dance. I played music and everything and he stripped for me. It was awesome!!! I like sex to be silly and fun don't hold anything back. Works for us anyway =] good luck. Maybe look into a passion party and get ideas? Or look online or and app on your phone and try new positions or surprises different ways to initiate it

spiltmilkz · July 2014

14whitney said:
Here!

Haha! Love this. I was just looking for some fun stuff on amazon for H since we are about to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary. This is in my cart!

catmagick · July 2014

I touch his peen.

MrsSept13 · July 2014

I love the movie Zack and Miri make a porno so I'm always saying the phrase "let us fuck!" Although the laughter from that sometimes ruins the mood.

Trampslikeus · July 2014

I apologize if someone else said this and I missed it, but the whole "I lost it" thing does happen. Even without the pressure of TTC. To reduce the chances of the same thing happening again, absolutely do not make a big deal out of it. Do not ask him what happened, do not ask him what you did wrong, do not try to have a long conversation about it. Just let it go. If it becomes a big discussion or he ends up feeling defensive about it, he'll be worrying about it happening again next time, which increases the likelihood of it happening again next time.

And also, if the hard-on starts to become a semi, try oral for a bit. I ask husband to rinse off if we do that (and sometimes he puts some listerine on it to make it yummy) - but he has neverrrrrrrr complained.

beepity · July 2014

Trampslikeus said:

I apologize if someone else said this and I missed it, but the whole "I lost it" thing does happen. Even without the pressure of TTC. To reduce the chances of the same thing happening again, absolutely do not make a big deal out of it. Do not ask him what happened, do not ask him what you did wrong, do not try to have a long conversation about it. Just let it go. If it becomes a big discussion or he ends up feeling defensive about it, he'll be worrying about it happening again next time, which increases the likelihood of it happening again next time.

And also, if the hard-on starts to become a semi, try oral for a bit. I ask husband to rinse off if we do that (and sometimes he puts some listerine on it to make it yummy) - but he has neverrrrrrrr complained.

Listerine?! Sounds like extra incentive for you to suck it really good. I would be terrified of getting that in my vag afterwards!

Trampslikeus · July 2014

@beepity because of the high alcohol content it evaporates really fast. If I wait more than a minute or 2, there's no trace of it at all. But it tastes yummy for a few seconds and makes a slight cooling feeling for him.

cakeisgood · July 2014

bibliothecary said:

MoonandBack141 said:

Just don't do a coca cola douche at the same time.

Mmmmm refreshing.

JellicalParker · July 2014

First off, I don't tell him when I am in FW. He doesn't want to know, and he tells me when it happens, it'll happen. In otherwords, he's not as concerned about the details, so I don't bother him with them. I also don't want him to feel pressured, not that he has ever had performance issues, but I certainly don't want to cause them. I truly enjoy getting it on with DH and I aim to have sex at least 2x a week if not more. If I didn't work two jobs it would be every day.

I do try to keep it fresh though. I definitely make a special effort after AF to make things more enticing. Switching it up, seducing him, making him tea and cookies (no really, he likes tea and cookies after sex), or just pouncing on him like a wild lioness. lol. Do whatever makes you comfortable, but I think some things are better left unsaid to DHs.

xyz4321 · July 2014

divinemsbee said:
...for the record "mommy daddy sheet monster time" is a quote from 30 Rock, which is one of our favorite shows as a couple. I was just using it as a joke.

I usually prefer to go with the HIMYM.... NAKEDMAN!!!! What pose? The "I've got boobs." Works every time.

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