How to Handle Newborn Twins and a Toddler + Nanny?

shanaynerz · July 2014

Currently we have a nanny. We got her while I was pregnant to help me out with my now 20 month old DD and to let me rest since living was super difficult, as I'm sure you all know. Anyways, I've never really liked her a lot, but having a nanny has been so helpful. Now that the babies are here though, I'm really not comfortable with the idea of leaving her alone with them, or with all three kids. I told DH straight up I'm just not comfortable with her and I feel she doesn't respect me, plus her English is not great so we never know if she really understands us. She's not a bad person of course, I just am not sure I love how she handles DD (she's been with her more than the twins of course).

Anyways, my main question is, if you don't have a nanny or help, how do you manage the twins plus an older child (or children!)? I was hoping to take DD to classes in the fall, but how do I do that if I have the babies to tend to, and vice versa if I want to take them out? If you have a nanny or help was it normal to not feel comfortable with her right away?

Our nanny is a live-in (much cheaper than live-out), but I believe I've seen some of you mention you have help, but it's more of a part-time live-out situation sometimes. How does that work? I'm also a stay-at-home mom and want to be with the kids as much as possible, and really feel I need help more with cleaning and cooking at least while the babies are still so needy and tiny. Anyways, I hope I've made sense! Just looking for advice on how to live with two babies plus my toddler, with or without a nanny. TIA for any help all!!

whitehousem · July 2014

My twins boys are 10 weeks and DD just turned two last month. Every day is a marathon... Go go go! We just found a preschool summer camp program that takes two year olds and they dont have to be potty trained, so now she goes there two days a week. But just dropping her off and picking her up is an ordeal bc I have to get the twins out of the car and into their snap n go and then all of ten feet into the preschool and then back in the car and home... Then back three hours later to pick her up. I take them all to the park by pushing a double stroller with one hand and pulling DD in a wagon behind us with the other. I push a double stroller at the store and pull a cart behind. The twins almost always are fed at the same time, so not a ton of one-on-one, but I try to give all three of them extra snuggles when I can. It's a lot of work and physically exhausting but I get creative and it works. Some days are really hard and I feel like a bad mom bc I'm frustrated with DD or whatever. Other days I feel like a super mom and everything jives and it's fun. We have zero family here so there really is no help. DH is very hands-on when he's not working though. I watch the clock for him to get home every day and look forward to the weekends. I would love to have your situation and have a nanny but we could never afford one nor do we have the space. If you are not comfortable with her you should look for someone else. Or maybe just have a babysitter you can call and a maid service? I had to stop some activities with DD like mommy/toddler yoga... But we still take her to soccer on the weekends and I can take all three to things like story time at the library. A lot of it is in the mindset. It's easy to slip into a negative/overwhelmed state so I just have to stay ahead of it. Schedule is everything! I already have the twins napping in the afternoon at the same time DD does. And they are down for the night at 7/7:30 so that DH and I have time to relax ( i.e., do laundry)

carrotcake06 · July 2014

@whitehousem‌ as far as pick up and drop off, ask and see if they'll do curb to curb for you since you have the twins. Whenever I have to pick up or drop off my big one from daycare/preschool, I call ahead of time and they either bring him to the car or meet me at the door and take him. My sister, who used to work in a daycare, told me it's a common request.

carrotcake06 · July 2014

OP, if you aren't comfortable w the nanny, I'd let her go. You should be comfortable in your own house.

You could always look for a PT mothers helper or someone to come a few hours a day to entertain your oldest. I've heard great things about care.com

As for getting out w everyone, it seems so daunting and overwhelming at first, but you've gotta do it. Cut yourself some slack the first few times and learn from each outing - what could you have brought/done differently? Pick something low key at first and build up to something more involved.

It gets easier. I promise.

whitehousem · July 2014

carrotcake06 said:
@whitehousem‌ as far as pick up and drop off, ask and see if they'll do curb to curb for you since you have the twins. Whenever I have to pick up or drop off my big one from daycare/preschool, I call ahead of time and they either bring him to the car or meet me at the door and take him. My sister, who used to work in a daycare, told me it's a common request.

Yeah, I asked about this and the director will do it and I have her personal cell in my phone but it's a small operation and I feel weird asking. She sees me struggling every time and has never been overly helpful so I feel weird calling her. I would if I was in a hurry or if there was bad weather... Or maybe when they weigh more and it's more of a hassle. Idk, it's probably my own thing that I need to get over.

lc&jw · July 2014

It doesn't seem worth it to keep a nanny you don't like and with whom you aren't comfortable leaving your kids. Also, communication is key when you have someone working with your kids, so if you're not sure she understands you, that is also going to limit how comfortable you're ever going to feel with the situation. I never feel comfortable leaving my kids with a new nanny in the first few days. I need some time to explain how I do things and observe how she interacts with the kids before I feel comfortable leaving them. I also need to see that she can effectively soothe my children when they're upset. That shouldn't take more than a few days though, and if I continued to have doubts, I would try to address the specific issues or look for a new nanny. We've had help since the kids were born. Initially, I had a nanny with me full-day while I was on maternity leave and my husband was at work during the day. I needed a second set of hands. I felt comfortable with that nanny immediately and enjoyed having her around. What a blessing in those crazy early months! After the kids were 3-4 months old, they were manageable with one person, so we had a nanny who would watch the kids while I went to work. I took a few days off of work to help her get acclimated and then I felt reasonably comfortable leaving her with the kids. She was totally competent and great with them, it just took me a little while to feel comfortable and know that my kids were okay when I wasn't with them. We've found all our nannies through care.com and sittercity.com. We pay by the hour and it's part-time now. I suggest screening/interviewing multiple people so you can find someone you trust. Good luck!

diz1313 · July 2014

If your not comfortable with your nanny you need to let her to. It doesn't matter if you can pinpoint an actually reason for you discomfort or not..... it's called Mommy's intuition and you don't have to explain it.

As for how,to cope,without a nanny.... people find a way, we are a versatile species. And if it's a little too much to handle, you can get a babysitter, Mommy's helper, or try another nanny.

listen to what your heart tells you.

blessed2585 · July 2014

Congrats on your babies! That is really exciting. Is there a possibility of hiring another nanny? Or having a family member help? Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? I will keep you in my prayers!

hayleydeee · July 2014

I've never had a nanny, but my mom usually helps out a couple of times a week. For me one of the hardest things was keeping up with housework, cooking AND baby duty. So I hired someone to clean every other week, which has helped some. As for being alone with all 3, it's hard at first. But eventually they get to an age where they can all play together, and they entertain each other; it's great!

Honestly, I just don't go out as much as I did before I had the twins. I've learned to embrace on-line shopping, grocery delivery and the drive through pharmacies and car washes. That way I don't have to spend precious "getting out of the house energy" on errands. Also, I gave myself a lot of extra time to get out the door at first. Eventually it got easier though. You get really good at setting up and breaking down your double stroller!

Also, the classes I have had DD in have all been things I can pull up in front and quickly drop her off to, the teachers know I have the twins in the car with me.

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