May 2014 Moms

Vent, I'm irked by MIL

ok, so I know I shouldn't be bothered by this and they have helped tremendously with baby sitting and getting food ready and just giving me a break with the baby.  But every time they come over, my MIL keeps saying this like "Oh, I hope he has my eye color, hazel" or "Gosh, I hope he doesn't have FIL's toes", or "FIL sleeps with his arms up like that, he (DS) must get it from him".    Ok, SERIOUSLY!!, DS is OUR SON (me and DH), not yours.  Can you just please compare him to me and DH!!!!  The only time she's said anything remotely like this is when they said at 7 weeks old "I'm just starting to see you in him, all we saw was DH at first"......WTH!!.  He's half asian, half white (well quarter french, quarter polish), and I'm the asian one.  DS looks asian to everyone else.  I know I shouldn't be offended and they are just doting grandparents, but I kinda feel like there are no traits I have that they hope he gets from me.  

Look at him, tell me he doesn't look asian. 



Re: Vent, I'm irked by MIL

  • He is cute and slightly asian looking, I had a hard time when everyone said DD looked like my H only, but she is 12 weeks now and looks more like me, they change so much at this time from week to week I seriously wouldn't worry about what your MIL says.
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  • Thanks everyone, I do need to let it go. I just love their help but when they say things like that, the little hairs on the back on my neck raise up and I twinge. Ugh,... haha.
  • Annie0327Annie0327 member
    edited July 2014
    Oh and she insists that his eyes are blue in color. They are soo obviously brown, I don't get it.
  • What a cutie! They mean well I'm sure but how annoying.
  • Be thankful your baby doesn't look exactly like your mil for real though... It's rough. She thankfully is polite about it.
  • I think we all go through this with our MILs. I want to strangle mine frequently but then she is great with our little girl and is great with baby sitting, etc.
  • britabbritab member
    I think it's a MIL thing. Mine texts and asks how Her grandbaby is doing and calls her grandma's girl. Even when I was pregnant she only asked how her baby was doing. Lol. I ignore it.
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  • My parents say ds looks like me. In laws say he looks like his grandpa.

    I've seen my husband's baby photo. They are twins. He's definitely taken after his father side but mostly after his father.
  • He is cute and slightly asian looking, I had a hard time when everyone said DD looked like my H only, but she is 12 weeks now and looks more like me, they change so much at this time from week to week I seriously wouldn't worry about what your MIL says.

    Cute and slightly Asian looking is my favorite baby description ever.
  • My MIL is getting on my nerves. She babysits DS while I'm at work and DH is either in class or sleeping. I need to learn to not let things bother me but that's way easier said than done. But she has said that DS looks like my BIL, which I find hard to believe because MH and BIL look nothing alike and they have different biological dads. I just brush those comments off, it's other things she does that pisses me off.
  • I feel kinda the opposite but it makes me still feel annoyed. My MIL keeps saying that my son looks a lot like me and nothing like her son. It's like what are you implying....  it still bugs me that they joke about how I found out I was pregnant while I was visiting family in another state. I'm like "Um, hello, it takes time to make a baby before it will show up on a pregnancy test" It doesn't just happen then you find out the next day that you're pregnant. Also I hate when my dad calls and asks how his baby boy is doing.
  • This is pretty typical of most families. It's rarely meant to be malicious. I even find myself doing it, comparing my second baby, who looks like me, with my first, who looks like DH.

    Let it go and brush it off as a normal casual conversation topic. Save yourself a lot of irritation and resentment.


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    DS: 11/8/11 | 9 lb 7 oz, 22 in
    DD: 5/22/14 | 9 lb 9 oz, 21.5 in


  • I'm glad I'm not the only one going through the "MY BABY" phase when anyone else talks about her. I do have to remind myself that she is my MIL's grandchild and my MIL is allowed, and supposed to, have a relationship with her (although she makes it hard when I hate being around her cause all she does is compare me and my child to my SIL and her kids)
  • I am with you @winter0022. I know my DD is going to have a relationship with my MIL, but my ILs have notoriously dysfunctional relationships with their own children, so I am very weary.
  • Ds2 looks exactly like me as a baby. Mil said he looks like dh and fil and dh told her he doesn't. She said, well he looks like BIL. Again, they said he doesn't. To which she replied "well I don't know who he looks like then." Umm he looks like me. I just let it go t though
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  • Grandparents like to see themselves and their child in their grandbabies. It isn't anything personal.

    Plus, according to my SIL, babies are biologically programmed to resemble their dad at first to encourage him to stick around. Not sure how much I believe that one, but I do think that kids go thru stages of looking like each parent.

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  • My mil is the exact same way. Except she seems like she is trying to convince herself that dd is a cute kid. Like she is so scared of having an "ugly" baby. Well first of all, dd could have two heads and she would just be twice as cute. And she is not your child so what are you so worried about? Always comparing her looks. Mil is Korean so dd is part Korean. She even went as far as saying "I hope your family loves her even though she has Jasons eyes" as if my family are prejudice or some thing. (Dhs dad's parents were worried he would have "slanted eyes") .yeah he comes from a real nice family *insert sarcasm*

    It's a BOY










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