XP from D14: 11 yr old DS showing anxiety.

beachy6 · July 2014

Hi ladies! I am due with baby #2 in December and my DS is showing some anxiety issues. He is an anxious person (dx with generalized anxiety disorder a couple of years ago, but no meds or anything. We just talk it out at this point) and I'd love some advice for our current situation. I posted on D14, but it was recommended that I XP here, as many of you might have experience or advice and I hope you do!

I assume this is normal, but would love some advice or book/reading recommendations. I've looked on Amazon, but I'm not sure what's best and don't want to waste money.

My DS is 11 and he is really excited about the baby. However, lately he's been a little more clingy, which I don't mind! Last night was a bit extreme though. After cuddling in my bed with me for about 30 minutes or so before bed, my DS asked if he could sleep at the side of our bed in his sleeping bag. The cuddling is not normal behavior for him, but I wouldn't ever turn it away! I'm sure this is just from the anxiety of the baby coming. But, the sleeping beside our bed is definitely different and taking it to the next level. He wants to sleep there again tonight. It's almost like he's regressing, which may be normal, but I really don't know since I've never done this before.

While I certainly don't mind all of the cuddling, I don't know what to do to help him. Maybe he'll guide it all himself, but do any of you have advice based on previous experiences? Lots of the books I found are for younger kids and my DS would think I was nuts if I tried some of the things I read online.

So far, we've made sure to spend lots of time with him this Summer doing fun things: watching movies at home/theater, going to play putt-putt, batting cages, fishing, etc. So, it's not like he's not getting attention. Maybe this isn't the kind of attention he wants/needs. I'm not sure. We are also redoing the nursery, but we're doing DS's room first, so we're trying some things. I'm just not sure they're the right things.

Any help/advice is greatly appreciated!!

ppants · July 2014

Is the anxiety only related to the new baby or could it be increasing due to school resuming on a month or so? What does he say about his anxiety? My kids are 8 so I don't have 1st hand experience with 11 yr olds.

LC122 · July 2014

Have you talked to him about it? It could be about the baby or any number of things. Have you considered getting him a counselor both for the anxiety and anything else going on in his life?

wesleycrusher · July 2014

No advice for your specific situation, but it is definitely a big adjustment! I was 11 when my sister was born- I did NOT want a younger sibling, wouldn't even look at her in the hospital. I got over it real fast when she came home. We are really close now, despite the age difference- she starts college in a month, where did time go!?!?

rin89 · July 2014

Because he already has an anxiety dx, on top of some major life changes, I second the idea of getting him into a counselor. It sounds like you're already doing a lot to help him with the transition. But it might not hurt to have a professional there to guide him through some of the more difficult patches. A therapist/counselor might also have insight into coping mechanisms that will help him in the future.

beachy6 · July 2014

While I'm sorry that some of you can relate to having GAD, I'm so glad to hear your experiences. Typically, we just do what he needs like talking it out, hugging, etc, but I guess this regression surprised me since it's happening already, but it does make sense. I put a call in to his ped to talk to him and see what advice he has. If he thinks a therapist is the route we need to take, we'll do that, too. His ped is really on top of his GAD and has been a lifesaver for all of us! DS was diagnosed after a really horrible school year in kindergarten. It was bad and it was heart-breaking to watch as a parent. I can't even imagine what it was like for DS. I did just call and enroll us all in a New Sibling class at the hospital. So, maybe this will ease some of his fears. He won't really vocalize them. All we can get out of him is that he'll gag if the baby drools! Ha! I know there's more to it, but he can't quite put his finger I think. Thank you all for the advice! It has been exactly what I needed to hear and thanks for the praise. As moms, we're all pretty sure we're screwing things up all the time, so I really appreciate hearing that I'm not doing too bad with this issue! Edited: I know paragraphs are my friend and I have no clue why mine aren't showing up. When I went to edit it, the paragraphs are there, but when I post it, they're gone! No clue!