11yr old DS showing anxiety already?

beachy6 · July 2014

I assume this is normal, but would love some advice or book/reading recommendations. I've looked on Amazon, but I'm not sure what's best and don't want to waste money.

My DS is 11 and he is really excited about the baby. However, lately he's been a little more clingy, which I don't mind! Last night was a bit extreme though. After cuddling in my bed with me for about 30 minutes or so before bed, my DS asked if he could sleep at the side of our bed in his sleeping bag. The cuddling is not normal behavior for him, but I wouldn't ever turn it away! I'm sure this is just from the anxiety of the baby coming. But, the sleeping beside our bed is definitely different and taking it to the next level. He wants to sleep there again tonight. It's almost like he's regressing, which may be normal, but I really don't know since I've never done this before.

While I certainly don't mind all of the cuddling, I don't know what to do to help him. Maybe he'll guide it all himself, but do any of you have advice based on previous experiences? Lots of the books I found are for younger kids and my DS would think I was nuts if I tried some of the things I read online.

So far, we've made sure to spend lots of time with him this Summer doing fun things: watching movies at home/theater, going to play putt-putt, batting cages, fishing, etc. So, it's not like he's not getting attention. Maybe this isn't the kind of attention he wants/needs. I'm not sure. We are also redoing the nursery, but we're doing DS's room first, so we're trying some things. I'm just not sure they're the right things.

Any help/advice is greatly appreciated!!

rshamos · July 2014

No advice, but good luck! Maybe instead of a sleepover in your room you could have one in his?

Jessie333 · July 2014

Have you asked him if anything is bothering him?

beachy6 · July 2014

Jessie333 said:
Have you asked him if anything is bothering him?

Yeah. He said, "no, why?" When I tried to push it a bit further, he said he was worried because he didn't know how to hold a baby. We talked about it a bit, but I don't think this was the real issue, obviously! I'll try talking to him again and see if I can get further. He also is afraid our baby will drool and that will make him gag. Ha! He is really thinking about it!

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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Jessie333 · July 2014

beachy6 said:

Jessie333 said:
Have you asked him if anything is bothering him?
Yeah. He said, "no, why?" When I tried to push it a bit further, he said he was worried because he didn't know how to hold a baby. We talked about it a bit, but I don't think this was the real issue, obviously! I'll try talking to him again and see if I can get further. He also is afraid our baby will drool and that will make him gag. Ha! He is really thinking about it!

Lol at the drool bit. Do you have any friends with babies that he could be around or hold to make him more comfortable? Do you think a friend of his could have said something negative about having a baby sibling?

beachy6 · July 2014

He could be worried about me. I didn't think of this. I was on bedrest for a few weeks and I'm just coming off. That could be why he's wanting to be with me all the time. I really didn't think of this, probably because he's at the age where I'm officially an idiot in his mind!! Awe, he does still care

We don't have any friends with babies and I mentioned enrolling him in a baby class that they have at the hospital where I'll deliver. He said he wanted me to teach him not some stranger. I might just do it anyway because this is probably his actual anxiety peeking through. It's not like we'll just drop him off!!

Annya26 · July 2014

I worried a TON about my Mom at that age. Seems like a possible explanation to me. No advice, mine is only 2 and I've only had my step sons for a few months, but good luck!

hoping4aUNICORN · July 2014

I have three older guys, and one out of the three is doing the same as your son, (she is 8)sleeping in our bed, acting funny, almost very baby-ish at times, and taking care of me

I think they are just coping and getting ready in their own way. I don't see anything wrong or alarming with the behavior, just keeping an extra eye and ear out to find ways to ease his/her mind and keep them happy.

beachy6 · July 2014

I should have added, like I did under the parenting post, that DS also has an anxiety disorder. We have to be really careful how we word things and what we say because he internalizes things big time. So, on top of changing his world with a new sibling, he has extra anxiety added on top. I probably should have included this, as it's a pretty important part of the whole thing! I did just call and enroll us all in a New Sibling class and he's excited about that. I think it will all be okay, I just don't want to add extra anxiety on him on top of what is already there all the time. Does that make sense?

abcmom12 · July 2014

cause I love a challenge, I did find this book for older kids https://www.amazon.com/Kids-Book-Welcome-New-Baby/dp/1892147009/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1405539305&sr=1-1&keywords=big+brother says the age range is up to 10 and the reviews mention it's for older kids. some of it may be a lil young for him but might be worth a shot

beachy6 · July 2014

@abcmom12 Thanks! I went ahead and ordered it!

JunkieBrewster · July 2014

Babies R Us has a sibling class once a month, I think, as well! I would def go for that.

11yr old DS showing anxiety already?

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