Banging Head

crene84 · July 2014

I think there have been posts about this here, but I didn't find any in the recent posts. DD bangs her head all the time when she's frustrated. And she makes sure it hurts..like, if she bangs her head on something soft accidentally, she moves to something hard so she can hurt herself.

The worst is naptime. She normally cries for a few minutes and then goes down but lately she's been crying longer periods of time and banging her head against the crib. I don't want to let her just bang her head constantly but if I let her come back downstairs with me, it'll teach her she doesn't have to nap. Once in a while she hits it enough that she has a bruise or two on her forehead.

I don't know what her deal is with napping since once she goes down, she sleeps for 3+ hours so clearly she needs the nap..and I did push the time back so she had more time to get tired..but I know she'll eventually be able to talk/communicate better and hopefully it'll stop but for the time being, it's driving me crazy!

AKB090609 · July 2014

It could just be a sensory thing, or her way of showing that she's frustrated. Not a whole lot you can do other than hope it is a phase that passes quickly.

watercolor5 · July 2014

Are you sure she's doing it to hurt herself, and not for the noise it produces? Not that it matters, since you obviously want her to not give herself bruises, but I'm hoping it sounds worse than it is. My kid is more likely to kick the wall than cry or talk when she wakes up, so I find myself listening to thuds to see when she's up.

Sophia has always been one to cry for a while to wind down at bedtime. The thing that made the biggest difference was when DH would talk over it with her at the end of her bedtime routine. He asks if she's going to cry, and tells her she's allowed to cry for a little bit, but not for a long time. He asks if she will obey and she says yes. Seems silly, but for some reason just thinking through what she's going to do after we leave the room makes a huge difference to her. Don't know if this works just because my kid is strange, but maybe if you talk to your DD about not hitting her head, before she gets frustrated, it could make a difference. I'd give some sort of incentive or reward when she doesn't do it, even though she's frustrated, like a sticker or something.

I dunno, that's all I can think of!

Flamingemu · July 2014

watercolor5 said:

Are you sure she's doing it to hurt herself, and not for the noise it produces? Not that it matters, since you obviously want her to not give herself bruises, but I'm hoping it sounds worse than it is. My kid is more likely to kick the wall than cry or talk when she wakes up, so I find myself listening to thuds to see when she's up.

Sophia has always been one to cry for a while to wind down at bedtime. The thing that made the biggest difference was when DH would talk over it with her at the end of her bedtime routine. He asks if she's going to cry, and tells her she's allowed to cry for a little bit, but not for a long time. He asks if she will obey and she says yes. Seems silly, but for some reason just thinking through what she's going to do after we leave the room makes a huge difference to her. Don't know if this works just because my kid is strange, but maybe if you talk to your DD about not hitting her head, before she gets frustrated, it could make a difference. I'd give some sort of incentive or reward when she doesn't do it, even though she's frustrated, like a sticker or something.

I dunno, that's all I can think of!

L does it for the noise. When she hits her head too hard she stops, grabs it, says 'ow', and stops.

Watercolor - we talk through everything with L. I fully believe she isn't climbing out of her crib because every night we tell her it will hurt if she falls, its dangerous, and mommy & daddy will come get you as soon as you yell for us.

Also, we practice closing her eyes before bed. Otherwise, she is up for hours.

Holly_1007 · July 2014

Can you elaborate when you say she is doing it out of frustration? Do you think she is doing it for attention? Like when she Falls and hurts herself you go over and see if she is ok/snuggle whatever. Is she looking for a similar reaction by intentionally hurting herself?

Eastie156 · July 2014

@crene84 Ethan does it out of frustration. We are finding he's incredibly impatient at times, mostly with himself. He's banged his head on the floor and on the wall before and only stops if we move him to the couch or when he cries. I tell him he can bang his head on the couch or on the pillow and that I understand he's upset, but that he's not allowed to hurt himself. This seems to help. He's moving away from banging his head and lately he's been throwing toys, which another friend of mine who has a little boy just about E's age said her son is doing as well.

crene84 · July 2014

In response to everyone, she does it when we don't give her something she wants, take something she wants away, or put her down for bed/naptime. She definitely does it for attention. She thinks she'll get what she wants if she bangs her head because she can tell we don't like when she does it. For that reason, I try not to make a big deal about it..I try to ignore it...but ignoring it doesn't seem to do much good in the short term.

I also try to talk through it with her. When she first started doing it, I would say "ow! why would you do that?" but when that didn't work, I started trying to ignore it and look away.

Unknown · July 2014

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BeebopandBuddy · July 2014

I would try to encourage her to use words, ask for help, and praise her big time when she does. When I worked in behavior modification, this was considered one of the behaviors that definitely could not be ignored due to the risk of injury. Find times when she listens and praise those. Try to teach about what is safe and not safe. Then, when she does it, you can tell her it's not safe. Teaching during the calm times, when she's not frustrated will help most.

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