Don't know what to do re: continuing BFing

SuzyQq02 · July 2014

I just need to talk this out, hope you ladies are ok with listening to me blather!

Now that we're getting closer to 6 months, I'm trying to decide if I'm ready to wean LO at that point, or keep trying to get her *some* BM past that point.

I think most of you know I've had supply issues from the beginning. I'm actually doing better with it now that I thought I would be, which makes it harder to think about stopping. With extra pumping on weekends, I can generally get through 2-3 workdays without having to go to frozen (the other days I make up the difference). But in order to make that happen, I need to pump for about 1.5hrs a day (plus set up and breakdown time), and take handfuls of supplements. She's also getting now 2 bottles of formula plus a supplemented feeding... she's just not transferring a lot directly from the breast between being distracted and a super slow letdown unless I'm REALLY full, like 1st thing in the morning.

She's done well with formula, so I don't have concerns about that, but two nagging things... I feel like I've done all my work to establish and bump up my supply, and I'm going to give up now? And the other is that formula is so expensive! Don't get me wrong, we can certainly manage the cost, it's just hard to justify giving up the "free" aspect of BM (even though it's SO not free when you factor in the time I have to give to it). Plus the usual mommy guilt.

Sigh. I don't really know what I'm looking for here, but trying to sort out my thoughts. For those of you that made the decision to wean, what was the tipping point for you to definitively say "this is too much"?

TessyMessy · July 2014

It sounds like you have a pretty good system right now. Why don't you keep combo feeding for a while? Ignore the fact that LO is approaching 6 months and any goals you may have set for yourself way back when you started. Instead look at how far you have come and take it day to day! Don't put any pressure on yourself because you are doing a great job!

Sidenote: My LO has been on solids for almost a month and I was able to drop down to 2 pumping sessions at work. This makes my work day so much more manageable!

Altreed · July 2014

I was having similar issues to you and for me I have found a great balance with combo feeding. I don't put in any extra effort with pumping. I get what I get for the day and that's it. LO gets some of my pumped milk, some formula at DC. Then when I am with him, I nurse. Or- if I need a break, DH gives him a bottle of formula. For me, it brought some joy back into BF'ing. I know he is still getting some of my milk but I don't make myself crazy over trying to keep up on supply. Hope this helps- just what has worked for us!

Codypup · July 2014

I completely feel you, mama. It was a hard decision for me too. What solidified my decision was the day I literally got 1 ounce for the entire day, and that was with FOUR pumping sessions. In a way, my body kind of decided for me.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably keep at it a little while longer, because free milk! And possibly slowly but surely drop your pumping sessions as time goes on.

I know the emotional toll this whole thing has on you, though. The stress of pumping vs. the guilt of stopping is brutal.

Another thing that helped me was to recognize that what upset me wasn't the fact that W was getting formula - it was the actual physical act of breastfeeding I missed. It sounds like your LO is slowly but surely weaning herself from that, no? (W did that too.) So it becomes more a question of whether pumping (and the time/investment) is worth it.

This isn't an answer you need to come to today. You can take your time with it. When it feels right, or semi-okay to drop a pumping session, you can reassess from there.

((hugs)) I know this is hard.

boogerbearoriginal · July 2014

I don't think there's any right answer since every mom is going to have a different threshold for what is "worth it" in terms of time, energy, expense, etc. I think focusing on the day to day is a great point - if things are fine, perhaps just leave it as is and don't worry about arbitrary goals. And ditto PP that you should be celebrating all the hard work you've done feeding your baby, definitely not giving up if you chose to wean but moving forward onto another phase.

If you do decide to wean, I highly recommend going about it slowly to ensure you don't end up with clogs/mastitis. Even with a low-supply you can have those issues if you just stop pumping too quickly.

Breastmilk will continue to be beneficial for LO as long as you're willing/able to continue providing it to her, so if you feel you've got a good system going there's no need to wean simply because she's 6m old or whatever. But if you're feeling like you've had enough, there's no shame in knowing you'll be happier without being tied to a pump. You could also try giving up the extra pumping on weekends and just give her what you get during the week and supplement the rest of her needs with formula. Also, if she does still BF some sessions, there's no reason to stop BFing (assuming you want to continue) if/when you stop pumping. Just some other things to think about.

Good luck, deciding when/how to wean is always a tough decision.

inluv4life2 · July 2014

Hugs mama! This is a tough decision. Kudos to you for all the work you've put in to breast feed this long.

I think only you know how you feel. Combo feeding is a great thing, especially if you can still have the nursing cuddles. But if the pumping and related tasks are too much - then stop.

I remember having a complete breakdown in pedi office because I so wanted to give BM for a year but my supply was basically nothing. I was pumping every 3
Hours and getting like 2 ounces for the day. The pedi said "look at yourself. Your killing your self making this harder than it has to be. Your baby had BM for 6 months. That's great. Give yourself a break and enjoy this time with your baby." It wasn't until then that I realized how if let feeding my baby control everything. I stopped pumping and felt so happy w my choice.

That said, if you can do it and want to do it. Keep trucking! So many hugs mama!

JackieP1023 · July 2014

Such a tough decision!
I am sort of in the same boat, although I quit actually directly BF at 4 mo because of her weight. I have been pumping since then, working on supply a little bit, supplementing (a lot) with formula. DD typically gets 4-5 bottles of formula & 1-2 of BM daily. I decided I will finish up my supplement (that I have a hard time remembering to take anyway!) and see how it goes from there. I think as long as I get at least 6 oz (1bottle) per day, I'll stick with it. But: i also only pump 3-4 times a day. I just can't make it work to pump much more than that, simply for my own sanity.

SuzyQq02 · July 2014

Oh, ladies, thank you so much! So many of these responses made me cry! I NEVER in a million years anticipated that this would be such an emotional part of parenting.

You're all right that I don't need to decide today and don't need to put any pressure on arbitrary deadlines. Work has been a disaster lately so I know that's playing into how I'm feeling... that the time I'm spending pumping is keeping me from something. (Though it's not, really... and it gives me a few minutes of guilt free Bumping to recharge. ;-) ) I think shifting my focus to having a relationship with BFing that makes sense for both of us would be a good perspective change for me. I do think, though, that when I run out of my current round of pills I won't order more and just see where that takes me... if at that point my supply tanks, it may help me make a decision.

Thank you for listening to my scattered ramblings!

Cerisrichard · July 2014

Firstly, well done, it sounds like you've been doing an amazing job for LO. You should be proud of that! I had to pump for a few weeks because I cracked and needed to heal. While I didn't have supply issues I found pumping really hard work, it takes so much more time than just BF and I have a huge amount of respect for the people on here who do it every day.

I think it's important to do what is best for you and for LO. Yes BM is good for LO but having more time with you and you not being stressed or frustrated is also important. You've already done a greAt job giving her the amount of BM you could, if you want to stop now then that's okay! And you should not feel guilty.

That said mixed feeding could be an option too, you could even just feed first thing in the morning and when you get home to avoid pumping altogether.

Hope the decision is not too hard!

gigantan · July 2014

SuzyQq02 I think you will know when it is time to make the change. It will become clearer to you at some point. It seems like it is not so clear for you right now, which also tells you a little something about how to proceed. You will know when the time is right for you and your LO.

GL navigating through this!

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