Are You Redoing Your Will?

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

Ok, I'm all over the boards with questions this morning. I should pace myself.

Anyhow, are you redoing your will?

I have one, but I'm assuming any one I make after that overrides the old one (I don't want to go back to the same attorney, it's an hour away). I need to redo it anyway since we got married and my name is different.

I assume I'll just have a basic one now, leaving everything to my husband and daughter (or, if I can get even more vague, "child/children"). And I'll need to say who gets my children if my husband and I die together. And that's another reason I don't want to go to the old attorney, because it's in my hometown with my mother, and my mother will NOT get my children.

And none of these online legal things are cool, right? That sounds good good to be true. I just don't have time to take off to make appointments to see lawyers, even though I KNOW it's important.

MrMrsandBaby · July 2014

We didn't have one until a year or so ago but did basically what you said, we left everything to our "current and future children" when we wrote it. We picked a guardian and a backup guardian, executor and back up executor and really just filled in blanks for the general IL state will.

We did go to an attorney because we didn't want to miss anything and he did think of some things that we hadn't - like if our selected guardian moves away from the area do we want the kids to go to the back up guardian. Because our entire family is local (grandparents, etc), we didn't want DD being moved if we could help it.

Also the attorney was able to write it so that if we have more kids, adopted or natural, they are all covered. It also takes into account if our children (GOD FORBID) pre-decease us, what happens to our estate. We didn't realize how involved it could be so I'm really glad we did the attorney.

It helped that I have pre-paid legal through work so it was basically free

PBJellyTime · July 2014

I would never in a million years recommend an online legal site! I'd go to an attorney, I know there are attorney's on this board and I would venture a guess to say they would agree. Every state is different and each have different laws and expectations, so how can one "form" fit all 50 states? They don't, and that form may not address your personal needs.

In Illinois you can generalize "child/children" you don't have to specify names, although you can, and in Illinois if you want to just make a few changes you can add a "codicile" to your will, which is generally cheaper. Just some things to think about.

I look at going to an attorney's office like going to a doctors appointment. They went to school a long time, they have a very expensive specialty, and they have very stressful jobs (much like everyone else nowadays) but they need their evenings and weekends off too, just like the rest of us.

MrsL2B · July 2014

I'll be making a will for the first time. I didn't worry about it much when it was just me and my husband. Our public library has lots of legal forms online, including sample wills for people with children, so I will probably just use that free resource instead of paying an attorney to draft me one. After it's completed, I just have to have it witnessed and notarized.

ETA: Another thing on my to do list is buying a cremation policy.

ashie0610 · July 2014

Yikes thanks for reminding me of this. We did ours right after DS1 was born. I need to go back and see if he's explicitly named or if I need to revise it to add this LO.

Saragoeswest · July 2014

Yes, please go in person to an attorney. It shouldn't take too long for a simple will like you're talking about. It's worth it to have their expertise and personal attention. Plus, they know their time is expensive so (a good one) won't drag it out and make this a time suck for you. What will probably happen is they will get an idea of what you need over the phone. You'll come in and they'll adapt more for you. You'll sign. It's filed. Donezo.

I should admit now that this is my husband's area of practice.

ohioloveyou · July 2014

We really really need to do this. We don't have anything and we've been saying we need to do it for the 4 years we've been married. I am loving the advice in this thread, though.

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

@SaraML13 I actually asked two of my lawyer friends at the same time that I wrote this post, and they are saying that it's fine to have the executor the same as the guardian (I'm like you, though, and I have previously heard differently). They also said just use the same form as my old will and get it notarized, that there's not a real need to see a lawyer. They might be telling me that, knowing they are my friends and they will look it over for me, and also that I'm not a millionaire and I don't have much to protect, and I just want a basic form.

Normally, I'd absolutely jump on seeing a lawyer...and I might feel better doing so in person, but I'm then wondering if maybe we don't just wait until I'm on Maternity Leave. I literally have no time to do it (unless they will see me after 6pm or on a weekend), and my husband works an hour away, so he'd have to take PTO to be there to do his. Which is why the simple form sounded good to me. Now I'm torn.

But, the first step for me is to make sure I have the originals of my current one and to write "I REVOKE THIS WILL" across it. I need to find it.

bumpuser10309732 · July 2014

I am not an attorney but as far as I know, which ever will has the most recent date is the one that is followed. Every time I try to bring up custody of LO to DH he just shuts off. So annoying.

Unknown · July 2014

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ss265 · July 2014

Dumb question - how did you guys find an attorney to do your will? Can I just Google it for my area? And if you don't mind me asking, how much did it all cost? I was planning to use Legal Zoom but am now thinking that I should use an attorney instead.

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

@ss265 Ours were $200 a piece, and we're in a pretty cheap area to live. So, that's why I don't want to pay another $400 to do it all again.

If you know what you're doing, and the situation is simple, I think following a template and getting it notarized is fine, but that being said, I did hire someone the first time, so I'd just be kind of updating it on my own, not starting from scratch, and I have two lawyer friends who offered to look it over. So I wouldn't be completely blind.

Saragoeswest · July 2014

@ss265 Yes, you can google local estate planning attorneys or ask your friends for recommendations of anyone they have worked with. The cost will vary based on where you live and who you go to. It's not a bad idea to shop around.

ss265 · July 2014

@Spurp13 and @Saragoeswest, thank you both for your responses!

fireflyrebirth · July 2014

This is on our to-do list as well. We don't have many assets currently but we want to establish guardianship--we are planning on my ILs at least until our siblings get more settled. And hopefully we'll have more assets to worry about too...

I'd also like to set up a living will at some point. I don't know if same lawyer could do it all?

AmandaJean12 · July 2014

As an attorney, (even though I don't focus on estate planning) I have to say that trusting online forms is a really bad way to go. Different states have different rules and technicalities so even if you go in knowing what you want, get a professional to help you make sure it's legally executed. Call your bar association, attorneys who practice in different areas, even local law schools to get a referral. A lot of attorneys do basic wills and trusts for really reasonable prices.

I totally agree with @carriedaway19, that I'd look into if a trust is the right fit for you. For most people with young kids it's a good idea to consider. And remember that your decisions have tax consequences that a good estate planning attorney can talk you through.

And I'll go on my soapbox and say get your health care directives and powers of attorney done too... If you're already seeing a lawyer, you might as well get all of the unfun planning over with at once.

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

theresat858 said:

We never had one and are still getting it finalized. But yes, it is important to do.

The attorney's location should have nothing to do with who you choose to leave your children with....

It doesn't. I'm not sure where you got that from other than my comment about not wanting that same attorney because it's where my mom lives. I don't want her to find out that we have changed the will to exclude her from our kids. It's a small town. They will tell her.

MrsTinMKE · July 2014

I'll be making a while for the first time. Not sure why DH and I have not done this yet, but it will be a priority now.

imagine7696030614 · July 2014

I've been trying to get dh to do a will with me for a while now but he's like the pp's dh in that he doesn't want to even consider the worst case scenarios. He shuts down when I talk about getting term life insurance too. We really need to get on the ball with this stuff. Even though we have no money I still think it's wise to have a will in place.

atraveller · July 2014

We have to do this, but not sure we'll get it done before Lo is born, but it's on the list. Not to hijack the thread - but in the same vein - what do you all think of life insurance? Someone told me we have to get it - but DH is very anti-insurance in general and so curious what others have done?

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

theresat858 said:

SPurp13 said:

theresat858 said:

We never had one and are still getting it finalized. But yes, it is important to do.

The attorney's location should have nothing to do with who you choose to leave your children with....

It doesn't. I'm not sure where you got that from other than my comment about not wanting that same attorney because it's where my mom lives. I don't want her to find out that we have changed the will to exclude her from our kids. It's a small town. They will tell her.

Wait. Your old attorney doesn't respect attorney client privilege? I'm pretty sure that is illegal.

It wasn't my attorney. I don't have one. It's just who did our wills at the same time we closed on our house. And it's a small town. Let me tell you about my bank that called my mother the one time my credit card withdrew twice the amount they were supposed to, leaving me overdrawn. Yup. Didn't call me. Called mom, because she's friends with everyone. Even if they don't say what they did, I'm sure they'd say "hey, I saw Spurp the other day."

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

atraveller said:

We have to do this, but not sure we'll get it done before Lo is born, but it's on the list. Not to hijack the thread - but in the same vein - what do you all think of life insurance? Someone told me we have to get it - but DH is very anti-insurance in general and so curious what others have done?

I think life insurance can be over done, like insurance. The agents will try to scare you into getting more than you can afford. I have what's offered through my work. In the end, I want to know that my funeral is paid for (whch shouldn't be a ton, since I want cremated) and my child has a reasonable amount of money. Anything else is fine if I can afford it, but I'm the kind of person that won't live like a poor person just so someone can have 3 million when I die. I won't live beyond my means, either. I just think there's balance, and just like people can be over-insured, people can be conned into paying for huge life insurance policies when I just don't see the point of the HUGE ones unless you really are used to living that way to begin with. I'd rather have memories with loved ones than a million dollars.

I should say that I'm very biased about these things, since my 91-year-old grandmother lives this way. I'm always reminded just HOW MUCH MONEY she will give me when she's dead. Meanwhile, she needs to be in assisted living. She falls down all the time. But she won't sell her house and my mom won't force the issue. She's going to kill herself when she needs to be spending what money she has on helping HERSELF.

Sorry. That was a side rant.

TinyTRex321 · July 2014

I did not have one before but my husband and I got one after our son was born. It was written so it would imply to all future children too. At the same time we did our health care power of attorney and living will.

Some things to think about is if you are leaving your kid(s) to a couple and something happens to one of them do you want the remaining person to have custody? My kids will go to my sister and brother in law but if something happens to my sister they go to our back up person so it's just written as they should be left to my sister. Also do you want the same person handling the kid's trust that has guardianship of your kids or someone else? At what age can your kids have free reign access to the trust?

It was a lot more to think about that I originally thought. Our lawyer sent us a questionnaire to fill out before meeting with him so we had time to think it all through.

Saragoeswest · July 2014

Yes, life insurance sales people do try to sell you the Rolls Royce of plans, but I felt like we kept our brains on during the sales pitch and were able to identify reasonable, minimal coverages that we are happy to pay into. I'm glad we're covered.

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

@Happyin14 we were just discussing this at work yesterday. I totally understand your logic of paying off the mortgage and funeral expenses. That's what we have right now through our employers. But I was just saying yesterday how creepy it is to me to have a life insurance policy out on your kid. I KNOW it's smart, and it can just be a small policy for funeral expenses, but it feels weird and different to me, man. We need to talk about that in this house.

@Saragoeswest Yeah, that's the thing. You just need to go in knowing what you want, open to suggestions, but know they are trying to make money, too. We don't have anything additional to our policies through work, but my husband is looking to add to his, and I might add a small amount to mine. This, along with the will thing, is our project right now to look into.

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

Happyin14 said:

@Spurp13 - it's the WEIRDEST. and to be honest, getting the check is MORE weird and ya hate it a lot. So much. I hated taking that check to the bank. I hope no one ever needs to do it. The only reason I mentioned it is because of all the things we were dealing with, at least the cost of funeral and having family around to be with us wasn't something to add to the pile.

I mean, I guess it's NEVER like HOORAY! MONEY! When I got a small life insurance check from my dad passing, I set it aside for almost two years. It felt...weird.

But with a child, it's different, and I know you know that. It's a check you aren't ever supposed to see, you know? And, how do you decide how much it should be for? Getting a policy on YOURSELF is one thing. Getting one for someone else is so touchy. I know it's smart, so we need to discuss it, but I have a hard time thinking about it.

And of course, as always, I'm sorry about your loss, but the fact that you can share your experience and offer insight for others is truly selfless of you, and I wanted to just point that out.

irrekb · July 2014

We went with a will & trust through an estate planning lawyer. It was actually really easy and quick...it also helps that his office is next to my favorite burger place. It was kind of weird to spend the time with the lawyer talking about what will happen if and when we pass away and how things will change once SO is an adult. Weird as it was, it did offer great peace of mind.

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