Vent--terrible 4's?

sophie206 · July 2014

Lately I feel like I spend all day everyday battling with my 4 year old. She is soooo stubborn. She's physical with my 1 year old. She calls names and laughs when people get hurt or are upset. Recently she pushes or hits me when she gets mad. She's always been a high needs kid and has what I would call a little "mean streak" (though never outloud) but its worse lately. I try so hard to be a good example and keep my patience. If little kids get in her way on the playground she will yell something like "Get out of here!" in their faces. After talking about it the first few times, now we leave the park immediately when it happens. I try to give her natural consequences for her actions and also some timeouts when she's really having a hard time (and I can't stand it anymore!)

Of course she can be sweet, thoughtful and gentle, too. I try to give her individual attention during nap and fun activities throughout the day so she doesn't act up out of boredom or lack of attention.

Is this a 4 year old thing? Is my kid just more difficult? Any resources? We still have DD2 in our room rather than sharing with DD1 because I don't trust her not to attack her if she cries at bedtime etc. I love SAH but these past few months have me thinking about getting back into the work force so Im not upset all day. :-(

bumpuser8448316 · July 2014

In my experience, it's a 4 year old thing. My sweet, loving little boy has suddenly gained the ability to turn into a little devil. He yells, he slams his door, he knocks his sister down. Every once in awhile he'll hit one of us. It's a really hard time right now.

Keeptruckin · July 2014

We called them the fvck you fours lol! Four was awful, five much better. For the most part 6 is a delight so far! You have better years ahead, hang in there!

shotzie · July 2014

No great advice from me. I'm in the same boat. There's all this talk about "The Terrible 2's", and "Threenagers," but age 4 has been way worse than 2 and 3 combined! DD1 acts like a teenager! I'm really scared to see what her actual teenage years are like!

I have also found myself daydreaming about working again. A lot of days I feel like a failure as a SAHM. DD1 starts preschool next month, so I'm hoping we'll both benefit from having a little break from each other -- that sounds horrible, doesn't it? : /

Anyway, I feel your pain!

catycate · July 2014

Yep, in my experience as a teacher, 4 sucks. In my experience as a parent, 3 is pretty bad and I'm seeing it get worse as we get closer to 4. I'm actually wanting to work part time, not directly bc of it but in a small way bc of it.

barnwife · July 2014

I was just thinking that J. is getting harder (and he's always been high needs) as he gets closer to 4 (next month). That fits with what I've read about terrible twos, trying threes, and fearsome fours.

I feel you on the stubborn thing. Lately, when asked to sit on a chair or go to his room (for hitting or whatever), J. will stay there forever. We don't say "you must sit XXX minutes". We say "please rejoin us when you can be nice." And J. has stayed on the chair for over an hour.

All that to say, 4 (which isn't even here yet) doesn't seem like it's going to be better than 3!

spring_time · July 2014

I posted almost this exact same post a week ago. 4 is terrible!!! I am sorry, I don't have any advice other than I am also dealing with it. Three nights ago, I was in tears at the middle of the night telling DH that I am totally failing at this parenting thing, and maybe I need to go back to work so DS could be with a competent caregiver. That crying was followed by two days of an angelic child. I have no idea what changed, but I am enjoying it as I am sure it is temporary.

fancynewbeesly · July 2014

CnAmom said:

Four year olds have an incredible ability to be pure evil when they want to and they have a bigger vocabulary than a three year old which doesn't help at all. Five wasn't much better for us but I am loving six right now.

Now I am DEFINITELY scared. My 3 year already has a pretty impressive vocabulary, which seems to get her into trouble all the time. I am scared for her to gain even a bigger vocabulary.

kcisthebombdotcom · July 2014

Yup yup yup. Three was the hardest here overall. Right around his fourth bday got tough, it got better for a bit and now it's getting bad again with using mean language. No advice, just commiseration.

sophie206 · July 2014

I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks guys. I was a bit worried that you all were going to tell me I must have the spawn of satan living with me.

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sophie206 · July 2014

cjcouple said:

idk, my kids have never been purposely mean. my oldest was a breeze at 4. his tough years were late 1 through 2. young 3 he was easy. but I am told this is atypical. My little guy, he was/is my biggest challenge he wasn't purposely doing anything though. it just took a long time to train him up. lol. he often reacted without thinking things through. main things I struggled with him on: hitting his brother (this was a biggie) but I truly think he didn't know how else to react when angry. but he has always been sympathetic about it. as soon as I would say that it was hurtful both the hitting and hurting others feelings he would cry. but he also is a very thoughtful and selfless kid. also not listening is still an issue sometimes. he hides his face in his lap or hands when frustrated with what I ask. I do think I was lucky to some point not to have too many struggles with them. i am sorry I don't have any resources. have you talked to her dr/pedi? how is she with others? has she been in school yet? if do, what were her reports?

I'm super jealous! She was in preschool last year and we didn't have any issues throughout the year. Her teacher did say at her conference in June that she and her "BFF" were trying to keep little kids (Its a shared playground) from playing on certain areas on the big toy, and she had to remind them that we need to share the toys etc. No issues with hitting or anything that would require discipline at school though.

jlpev · July 2014

NandaB said:
You all shut your mouths. The illusion that 4 will be wonderful and magical is all that is keeping me from selling G to the gypsies.

This is exactly what I've been saying!!

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