Intro & a little rant

Yaz14 · July 2014

Hi ladies,

I'm new here. I've been a reasonably active member of the Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss board so am not entirely new to the bump but nevertheless I'm new to this board. I've read the board etiquette post and plan to try and not ask stupid questions so I hope you'll have me

I have lurked around the TTC After Loss board but don't really feel it's the place for me so here I am.

The short of it:

I got a surprise BFP in February of this year. Even though it was a surprise DH and I were deliriously happy. We had picked out names within the first week after we found out and had told our entire families and most of our friends. Fast forward to 9 weeks. I went and had my first scan, baby was only measuring 6 weeks and had no heartbeat. They wouldn't tell me it was either here nor there at that stage and made me wait another week for another scan to confirm what we already knew. I had had a missed miscarriage. We were beyond devastated. A week later I had a D&C. I bled almost continuously for 6 weeks.

At first we weren't sure if we wanted to try again. The first pregnancy wasn't planned and if it hadn't happened we probably wouldn't have thought about babies for a few more years but it did happen and it changed our lives. So this month we've decided to go for it and officially TTC. I went out and bought a pack of Clearblue Digital Ovulation tests and got a smiley face a few days ago so we've been at it like rabbits for the last few days

which brings me to my little rant:

DH is so stressed out about TTC that he's having a hard time keeping it up. He's getting really upset about it and I feel awful for him. I mean he's managed to finish a few times which I'm praying is enough but still, it's frustrating and really sad for him. I'm not making a big deal out of it and I love him dearly no matter what but it still sucks a little bit. Just wanted to rant about that.

Anywho, again I hope you'll have me and good luck on your TTC journeys!

KingLED · July 2014

Hey lady! Welcome!

Yaz14 · July 2014

@EllyD14! I'm so glad to see you here!

URMySunshine77 · July 2014

Greetings and welcome to this board. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

I think that many ladies (including me) can sympathize with your experience with DH. TTC definitely amplifies stress and affects performance more than I ever expected. I think that guys struggle with the mental aspect more than women. It's good that you are keeping it lighthearted and supportive.

myatala · July 2014

Hey, my spouse has performance issues, too. I've ranted about it a few times. I've been lucky enough to get pregnant twice, though, despite our sex issues. I know for us actively TTC puts a lot of pressure on Husband so it can be challenging to get him to relax enough not to get distracted by the pressure.

I hope you guys are able to work through the performance anxiety. Good luck!

Carebear7777 · July 2014

Hi & good luck!

catlover790 · July 2014

Welcome! I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck with everything!

Wine&Cupcakes · July 2014

Sorry for your loss. Welcome!

My DH isn't stressed about TTC but I have noticed that it's a bit harder for him to keep up the schedule for sex during FW. We are 1-2x/week sex people so I feel as if even the sudden change of pace can be stressful, let alone any mental burden a guy must feel when TTC.

LuvLoveXo · July 2014

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss. I also had a MMC. I should have been just over 9 weeks and baby was measuring 6. I also had to wait a week to confirm. It took more of a toll on my husband than I thought. We are going on our fifth month TTC & I find it's gotten easier as the months go on. Best of luck!!

kelley72 · July 2014

Welcome! I am so sorry for your loss. TTC can be stressful to both partners. Try not to over engage in the informaiton re your cycle stats and keep it fun and pleausureable. Best wishes!

divinemsbee · July 2014

Welcome and good luck to you!

A lot of ladies here recommend not telling your partner as much about TTC to try to take the pressure off.

lilsneezy · July 2014

Welcome! Sorry to hear about your loss and what you and your H are going through. I hope your stay here is short!

ToryKate · July 2014

Welcome! I am so sorry for your loss.

I can relate to the H issues. Mine has no trouble keeping it up, but during my fertile week he has had issues finishing. I think he is physching himself out because the rest of the month he is fine! We have tried me not telling him when I O, but I am really regular so he knows. We are at the year mark now and it got much better after about 9 months. During the 1st 9 months we were able to have good timing every cycle because the OPK's gave us time to try and try again.

Good luck!

BillyHorrible · July 2014

Hi and welcome! I'm so sorry for your loss.

jennycam · July 2014

Welcome! FX for this cycle

Yaz14 · July 2014

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. Definitely feeling the love :x

gscoville · July 2014

My hubby and I have run into this issue throughout our time TTC, he often just can't finish when he knows the 'pressure' is on, and unfortunately because we're usually more weekend warriors with sex it's easy for him to tell when it's my FW even though I don't tell him, as we have to try to have sex much more often than our normal or we'd never even have a chance.

At any rate, OP, how often are you having sex? You said you've been going at it like rabbits for the last few days, which makes me wonder if you're trying for it too often, like more than once a day? Sex every other day (EOD) is more than enough to cover your FW, you don't have to do it multiple times a day or even every day to have a good chance at conception. Also, I'd highly recommend getting an account with Fertility Friend, doing the free tutorials there, and picking up a BBT thermometer so you can chart your temps - doing so will help you to pinpoint your ovulation most accurately so you don't have to "go at it like rabbits" indefinitely.

Yaz14 · July 2014

@gscoville, we've tried to have sex twice a day for the last 3 days but DH has only managed to finish half of the time so technically we've only had sex that counts once a day. For about a week before that we were doing it around every other day just to cover ourselves. It's actually getting a bit old because we're usually once-a-week-sex people. I'll definitely have a look at Fertility Friend if this cycle fails and I've been seriously thinking about charting my temps but thought I'd give the OPKs a try to start off with. I'm seriously lazy when it comes to having to get up at the same time every day etc. but if it comes to it I will definitely give it a go. I've heard a lot of good things about both FF and charting.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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VeggieFan · July 2014

Welcome!

gscoville · July 2014

Yaz14 said:

@gscoville, we've tried to have sex twice a day for the last 3 days but DH has only managed to finish half of the time so technically we've only had sex that counts once a day. For about a week before that we were doing it around every other day just to cover ourselves. It's actually getting a bit old because we're usually once-a-week-sex people. I'll definitely have a look at Fertility Friend if this cycle fails and I've been seriously thinking about charting my temps but thought I'd give the OPKs a try to start off with. I'm seriously lazy when it comes to having to get up at the same time every day etc. but if it comes to it I will definitely give it a go. I've heard a lot of good things about both FF and charting.

You don't need to have sex twice a day or evern every day, every other day is more than fine!

Samby86 · July 2014

Sorry for your loss.

Welcome! I can relate with the DH issues. He always wants to be in the loop and gets angry when I don't tell him exactly what is going on with my body every day, but i feel like when I do, he gets nervous or stressed and then can't finish and then he gets really upset. I try to not make a big deal about it, as I know it makes him feel like poop. I know he feels like he is dissapointing me.

bosco213 · July 2014

Welcome! I don't post much around here but I've been a little depressed lately about my DHs performance issues as well. Occasionally in the past he has had issues finishing, just gets too tired and we don't finish the deed. Since we've started TTC it has become worse!

Were taking the next 2 days off and trying for Thurs which will be 4 days before O, then we are away on vacation with family so I'm not sure it will happen again before O.

FX for both of us that it happens soon and your stay here is short!

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DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests

DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder!

7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!

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DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests

DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder!

7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!

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Intro & a little rant

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