So how long is too long?

lifesaverz · July 2014

For CIO. I am dying over here. It seems to be getting worse. First 2 nights was 40 minutes (with no checks), then next was about an hour (but she only fell asleep because I went in to do a check at that point). Next night we had our crazy burning outlet situation so that doesn't count, then last night she slept straight through without waking for some reason, but tonight we're almost at an hour & a half.

I'm starting to feel like maybe this won't work for her? What do you think? How long (in minutes) before you give in?

lifesaverz · July 2014

Ok I gave up right after I wrote this. She was showing no signs of stopping, & that is just so long to me.

. Maybe I need to add back in the checks? Who the heck knows. Maybe I'm just destined to never get sleep.

. I'm so sad for both of us.

ladameperdue · July 2014

I'm so sorry. I wish I had some insight. We're in a similar situation but with naps. Please learn to sleep, baabies! Hugs to you.

Also want to add I couldn't go much longer than that either, and I think that's ok. ETA: some words

FutureMrsCaesar · July 2014

. Sorry, it's so hard. IMO it's probably not working for her right now. It never worked for ds2 either, and although this doesn't help you now, we did survive. When I did CIO with the other two they improved greatly within 2-3 days, I wouldn't have been able to take 40+ mins of crying very long. I wish I had better answers for you, maybe call the pedi and ask? Our recommended CIO with checks every 10 mins, maybe that would be better for her?

lifesaverz · July 2014

Ugh thanks, this is good to hear that it's not just me feeling like this is too long. I guess as they say it's not for every baby.

. Hmm I wonder what I should do now....

lifesaverz · July 2014

pearsforpoops said:
So sorry to hear this. I really hoped it was getting better for you! I wish I had better advice. Well...I wish I had any advice. Hugs to you and your tired LO.

Yeah I had hoped that when she slept straight through the night before that maybe the magic had happened. I felt so rested & great all day yesterday! I miss that, haha. Well thanks for the support though ladies, truly. And hugs to those in similar positions! The thing that bums me out most is that she slept so great til about 6 months. I miss the good old days! I know it has to get better eventually.

Caitlinh27 · July 2014

Sounds to me like she just isn't ready or it just isn't going to work for her. We tried with LO and after a week of doing CIO there were some nights where he would still cry for 45 minutes. I decided it was more stress than it was worth at that point.

BoothBaby · July 2014

Is she actually crying that whole time? Sometimes Simon would stay up for an hour or two after we put him down.....cry for a few minutes, fuss for a few, babble for a few, etc. In those cases I was ok with it because he was just hanging out basically. But if she's hardcore crying, I would probably check/I intervene after an hour or so and assess from there. Sorry this is happening, it's so tough.

playball13 · July 2014

I'm so sorry. That would be very hard. Try to remember that it doesn't last forever, even though it feels that way.

lifesaverz · July 2014

BoothBaby said:
Is she actually crying that whole time? Sometimes Simon would stay up for an hour or two after we put him down.....cry for a few minutes, fuss for a few, babble for a few, etc. In those cases I was ok with it because he was just hanging out basically. But if she's hardcore crying, I would probably check/I intervene after an hour or so and assess from there. Sorry this is happening, it's so tough.

Yup it's definitely real crying. It seemed to progressively get worse too, into screaming to the point where I was worried she would make her throat hourse.

anakah · July 2014

I'm sorry it's not working for you. DD would cry until she threw up when we tried CIO. We wound up laying with her in our bed and then transferring to her crib once she fell asleep. It was more time consuming than teaching her to fall asleep on her own at that age, but she's 3 now and is more than capable of putting herself to sleep. It won't last forever. Good luck.

Montgomerysmomma · July 2014

Lurker here- what happens when you go in for checks? Does she calm down at all or does it make it worse? If she calms can you stay and pay her back for awhile and see if she will go back down with you there? I'm sorry! Poor LO. Also, you may want to give it a break and return to it in a week or so it could be developmental. Monty slept terribly while he learned to rock on all fours then went right back to sleeping well again. Hope things improve!

SusanC111 · July 2014

I do checks at 5 minutes. I can't do extinction, I know he'd cry all night without help to sleep. I don't pick him up, I just replace paci and rub his back. I still wish he'd do it all on his own without help, but it's better than what I was doing, rocking and standing for an hour or more to get him down at night.

I don't know if you've done the check method or not, but that's the modification of CIO that's working for us right now.

Hncamp · July 2014

No good answer. Not sure I could last that long. I think it's different for each person and you just do what works for you.

bty19 · July 2014

Curious, does she stop and start when crying? Or is it a continuous cry?

I leave my LO if she starts and stops kind of thing.... I feel she is figuring it out and also waiting to see if we will come.. If she gets upset to the point where she's just crying and doesn't seem to stop - that's different.

lifesaverz · July 2014

irregardless said:
Have you tried different methods? Checking in more frequently? Staying in the room? I would be hesitant to say "it isn't working" and stop now--- then all the work and crying has been for nothing. The third night is usually the worst... and it took us longer than that. I do agree if she is full on crying-- that is too long.

@irregardless‌ yeah originally I had done CIO with increasingly longer times between checks. Like 5 min, then 10, then 15, then 20. The only problem with doing it that way was she would ONLY fall asleep when I was in doing a check & patting her, so it seemed like she was never actually learning to get back to sleep on her own. It was super hard for me to cut out the checks but I hoped it would help. I've been thinking about it & I really don't want to completely give up either, so maybe I'll just return to that method.

For the PP who asked, she definitely calms right down when I do a check & pat her. But then when I would leave she freaks out again. Basically she would wear herself out from the crying & then when she was finally tired enough just me patting her would put her right to sleep.

lifesaverz · July 2014

bty19 said:
Curious, does she stop and start when crying? Or is it a continuous cry?

I leave my LO if she starts and stops kind of thing.... I feel she is figuring it out and also waiting to see if we will come.. If she gets upset to the point where she's just crying and doesn't seem to stop - that's different.

@bty19‌ She stops & starts a little. Part of the whole thing is she is getting used to sleeping on her tummy. When she wakes up & cries she rolls over on her tummy but initially didn't like sleeping that way. I used to roll her back over during checks, but when I eliminated those I let her cry like that & she fell asleep that way. She would start & stop a little because she would lay her head down for a few seconds like she was going to sleep, then decide nope I still don't like it & would push herself back up & start crying again. But if I rolled her on her back she didn't stay that way anyway.

bty19 · July 2014

lifesaverz said:

bty19 said:
Curious, does she stop and start when crying? Or is it a continuous cry?

I leave my LO if she starts and stops kind of thing.... I feel she is figuring it out and also waiting to see if we will come.. If she gets upset to the point where she's just crying and doesn't seem to stop - that's different.
@bty19‌ She stops & starts a little. Part of the whole thing is she is getting used to sleeping on her tummy. When she wakes up & cries she rolls over on her tummy but initially didn't like sleeping that way. I used to roll her back over during checks, but when I eliminated those I let her cry like that & she fell asleep that way. She would start & stop a little because she would lay her head down for a few seconds like she was going to sleep, then decide nope I still don't like it & would push herself back up & start crying again. But if I rolled her on her back she didn't stay that way anyway.

Sounds exactly like my LO. We did that same song and dance for about 2 weeks. Pushing herself onto all 4's even though she wanted to sleep on her belly and not wanting her back. She now moves around better and plops wherever. I actually loosely swaddled her and layed her on her tummy for naps , rubbing her back ...kept her feeling secure I think. She now knows what to do and falls asleep on her own ,always on her belly.

ChiAmy · July 2014

Anya did 2 hours the first night. IT was so bad. Thenext night she woke up once and fell back asleep with a pacifier and then slept until 5am.

ChiAmy · July 2014

Also we did other nights like you, where we had to stop but now it is just better for everyone.

lifesaverz · July 2014

@Sunshine5788‌ when you say checks made it worse what do you mean? Like LO would cry more when you went in? Or not til after you left?

ameegee · July 2014

@lifesaverz‌ checks made it worse for us by making her cry harder when we left. So all I wanted to do was turn around and go right back in. My husband broke out the bottle of scotch on night one. No glasses needed.

Also, 2 1/2 weeks later, CIO for naps is finally starting to work really well

lifesaverz · July 2014

Sunshine5788 said:

lifesaverz said:

Sunshine5788‌ when you say checks made it worse what do you mean? Like LO would cry more when you went in? Or not til after you left?

For us, she would scream/cry worse after a check then she was before a check. It would take twice as long of us trying before we gave up and just picked her up. Plus it was harder on me to leave her after a check. When we did checks it would take 5 minutes easily to get her calmed down again. @lifesaverz

Ok. Just trying to figure out what would constitute as checks not working. She definitely cries worse after a check, but she does calm down during.

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