Stay at home dads

basil2 · July 2014

I'll be going back to work soon and my husband will be staying home. This makes sense for us in terms of logistics and finances, but his personality is also better suited for it than mine (he's able to play for hours, I get bored and want to get something done). In addition to the twins, we also have a 3 yo- he'll get 9 hours of preschool through the town but will be home most of the time as well. Anyone else's DH staying he? Thoughts? Advice?

blessed2585 · July 2014

I don't really have any advice. Just work together and I hope everything works out well!

morrkim · July 2014

DH did that with DD, but he also worked nights. We won't be able to do that this time. We are both going to be at new jobs and he will probably be working days this time. It was really nice for us because DD got one on one time with each of us, but I imagine it will be harder with 3 LOs.

mmhopeful · July 2014

I will deliver by 38 weeks and then will be home through January. My DH will be staying home from January on. It made sense for our family as well. I have great benefits through the school system and my license will expire next year. I need to work to keep my license....renew it in time next Spring. I would have wanted to be at home, but it just made sense this way. As long as one of us was home with the babies, we both agreed it was a win/win for us. Good luck! You're not alone!

mrsSabobo · July 2014

Hello there!,
We have soon to be 4 and 2 year old in August, plus we are adding 2 Di/Di twins girls in October. My husband lost his job in May last year, and it has been grand! - as with yourself, my DH just has so much more energy to do stuff anyway, so it works great to keep him at home. We don't go out as much anymore, but its so worth it because I know who my kids are being taken care of. He wakes up around the time I go to work, makes breakfast, has the boys play either inside, outside or takes them out to run errands or to the park. Then in the afternoon, makes them lunch and onto some more entertainment. I come home around 5:30 and make dinner (love to cook) and then we all sit down and spend some time as a family. I take care of the baths just before sleepy time (9:30pm) and adults go to bed one or two hours later.
We have a dedicated play room which helps with clutter, and during Sunday I like to deep clean so the house its ready for the week ahead. We do our grocery shopping twice a month, mostly at Sam's. The little things we get at Walmart and Target.
I realize once the twins get here things are going to change 360, but I am sure we can handle it- it's not like we have a choice HA!

mrsSabobo · July 2014

I also wanted to add that you have to be flexible in that if things like cleaning or cooking have to be let go or not done perfectly, they just have to, to avoid major meltdowns between you and DH. Learn that you do some things better than your husband and vice versa. And that there is always the weekend if you can't get to it during the week. things get way better when the kids can interact with each other and yourselves.

JessaPrimate · July 2014

H was self-employed and stayed home with DD. I agree with the having realistic expectations. With whatever free time he had, he was trying to answer e-mails, etc. It was a little tough on me at first because days I was home with DD, my free time was spent cleaning. I had to realize we had different priorities.

SWA80 · July 2014

I went to back to work at 8 weeks and my DH has been home with our boys since (they are 10 months now). My advice is just to support each other and find ways to give each other breaks. I take over the second I walk in the door and I want it that way but I also feel like I am either at work or on my own with the boys and have zero time for myself. I feel I can't ask for a break because he really needs the time away. We don't have family or close friends in town so there is no good solution for us.

It is an interesting dynamic because he spends so much time with them and is really the primary caregiver but he still defers to me on pretty much all decisions. It is not easy but I'm glad we're able to keep them at home. One seems to prefer him and the other me. I'm still waiting for them to start saying Mama though!

basil2 · July 2014

Thanks everyone!
I'm curious - do you think your husbands are happy at home? (I'm hopeful mine will be, but worry about the isolation of being home with 2 infants in winter.) I'm also curious how the rest of the world relates to your families (it seems like there are a lot of SAHDs out there but it still isn't quite as 'normal' as being a SAHM).

Jenn06L80 · July 2014

Well MH could have stayed home. He is a teacher assistant and works 8-3 during the school year. He doesn't make much money, and the cost of daycare/preschool for our 3 girls is slightly more than his salary.

However my husband cannot handle the twins and gets overwhelmed easily. He also does not do much around the house like cleaning or cooking. So he is going to continue to work and the girls will go to daycare. For 3 years, until our oldest daughter is in first grade we will be paying more in childcare than his salary. This sucks but it is what is best for our family. There are more and more dads staying home now which is great! Good luck to you and your husband!

SWA80 · July 2014

Honestly, my husband is not very happy with the current situation. He is fantastic with the boys but does feel isolated and frustrated. A big part of the problem is that he doesn't like to take them places, he thinks it is more trouble than it is worth. We're also in SC and it is so hot here we can't take them outside except early morning. I'm hoping it will be better this fall. I always tell him if he wants to get a job he just needs to make enough to cover daycare but he says it would be dumb.

Bigboneded · July 2014

I broached this with my hubby before we were married and he refused, said he couldn't do it. I have the better job, and he is paying his first family's college tuition. So I dont have the option to stay home now, either :-( hoping we can find a nanny. Seems a viable, more stable (meaning one caregiver) alternative to daycare centers. Fx'd for that to all work out. I think SAHDs get a lot out of it, but pp is right, they need to be okay, personality fit to make it feasible :-) GL, I hope it goes very well :-)

dal2aus · July 2014

We're planning for DH to stay home after I go back to work. By then the boys will be about 9 weeks. We have no other children, so I have no idea how he's going to handle fatherhood in general, along being a SAHD. Every time I ask him if he's sure he wants to do it, he seems excited, but I do worry that he is going to be bored or overwhelmed. We're keeping the door open that we'll find alternate care if he can't handle it, but I'm hoping it never comes to that.

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