HELP!!!! EXTREME SEPERATION ANXIETY FROM MOMMY!!!!!

AStephenson88 · July 2014

Looking for any advice on how to help my little one with what I call "People Anxiety." I have had my little on in daycare since she was six weeks old so she is used to leaving me daily, but since she was about 3 months old she has a terrible time going to anyone but me or anyone she see's on a daily basis. So her daycare providers she is fine with, my husband, or myself, but that is it. Whenever her grandparents, aunts, uncles, or friends try to hold her she FREAKS OUT!!! Hysterical crying, reaching for me, latching on to me with her nails. I don't understand why she reacts this way to people she knows, especially her Grandparent's, it breaks their hearts that she reacts that way when they try to hold her and they have been around her since she was born. If they even look at her sometimes, she starts to cry and burry her head into my neck. It makes me feel TERRIBLE as a mother, I don't want her to feel this way and it makes me never want to leave her with anyone. My mother went to pick her up at school the other day for me and it was a horrifying experience for her...she will never do it again. My daughter would not go to her, was screaming, and trying to leap out of my moms arms. Several of the daycare providers approached me the next day to ask how Mia was and if she ever calmed down. The odd part of it all is, as long as I am not in the room she doesn't act this way (Most of the time). I have dropped her off at my parents and as long as I am in the room, no one can touch her or hold her but me, but as soon as I say, "Goodbye, I Love you!" She cries for a few minutes, but then she is fine my parents say. She will let them hold her, and love on her and she is good for them. Her anxiety seems to be sporadic, I just don't understand and I don't know how to help make it better. I have tried having her see her grandparents more often, but it is the same reaction every time. We have practiced me leaving the room and coming right back so she knows that I am always going to come back and she still has terrible anxiety. She sleeps in her crib every night by herself, we don't cosleep (Nothing against it, but we have 2 large dogs that we keep in our room so they don't bark and wake her up), she goes to daycare, so I don't understand why she has such a hard time, she has plenty of practice leaving me. I have been told over and over that it is just a phase but she has been this bad since she was 3 months old and she is currently 15 months now. I am at a total loss and I am desperate for help or advice. My mom doesn't even try to hold her anymore because of the reaction she gets, it hurts both of us. I don't want my daughter to feel that type of anxiety or fear towards people, its not healthy!

=Lee=B · July 2014

If she is fine with your parents when you are not around then you need to leave her with your parents more often. If she only wants you when you are there then they won't get any time with her...so plan more short outings, when you go for groceries have grandma and grandpa watch her...allow them time to bond with her without you around.

In time she will be fine with you in the room but this is all fairly typical for this age...certain personalities react this way.

If she is happy when you are gone then all is well. If she was screaming non-stop for you where you were there or gone and never calmed then it would be a bigger problem.

Also keep in mind that children, especially this young are incredibly aware of how mom is feeling. So if you are stressed and worried that she will react this way when people come around she will feel it and respond that way. YOU need to be calm and non-emotional so she doesn't feed off you.

mb314 · July 2014

I don't know if I have a lot of advice, but DS is 22 months and still acts like this. He's had stranger anxiety since about 9 month. We just came back from visiting DH's family at a lakehouse for a week, and I couldn't even go to the bathroom without DS screaming for me. We live out of town from DS' grandparents, so he doesn't see them often enough to get used to them. I have found that after a few days of vacation, DS began to seek out the grandparents more, but the problem was there was a constant stream of new relatives visiting the lakehouse constantly that would always set off DS' stranger danger.

I disagree that it's not healthy for a kid to have stranger anxiety. It is normal, and some kids have it worse than others. In a way, it makes me feel a little more secure that DS would not easily walk off with a stranger.

In terms of your mom, I agree with pp that leaving him alone with your mom more frequently will probably help. If she picks him up from daycare more frequently, he'll be more used to the idea and will begin to react better.

AStephenson88 · July 2014

thank you for the responses back!!! It helps to know that others have gone through the same thing. Sometimes I think that the grandparents think that it is because I am bad a parenting. I try not to baby her but at the same time I am not going to push her past her comfort zone which I sometimes take some heat for from others. I had really bad anxiety growing up, so I know how it feel and just don't want her to go through the same thing. I can try to do more frequent outings to see how she does, unfortunately I am mostly limited to weekend visits with the grandparents because of where one set lives and my parents have a 6 year old that they have activities with after school and such to do. I really do appreciate the responses!!!!

ashiscute · July 2014

My DD went through this but not quite as extreme. She warmed up to me, DH, my mom, MIL and one SIL. And that is it. She was probably 2.5 before she acknowledged my brothers (her uncles) and she sees them multiple times per month. Continue to leave her with others and know it will get better!

pb_bride · July 2014

I SAH and DS has separation anxiety too, though nothing as extreme as you described your DD. His anxiety also waxes and wanes, usually WORST when he's sick and when he's teething (like now!). All I can say is that it eventually will get better. Most books i read say that separation anxiety PEAKS at 18m and subsides by 3 years. Since your DD is only 15m, just give her a bit more time and I'm sure she'll grow out of it soon. I know it's easier said than done and I know how exhausting & frustrating this can be, but I'm sure there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Want a personalized experience?

HELP!!!! EXTREME SEPERATION ANXIETY FROM MOMMY!!!!!

Re: HELP!!!! EXTREME SEPERATION ANXIETY FROM MOMMY!!!!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards