What do you say...?

LC122 · July 2014

...if anything at all...when you see someone committing the cardinal sins of parenthood (or whatever you want to call them)?

Like baby car seat on shopping cart
Early front-facing
Any other child-endangering type scenario

Do you say something? If so, what? Does it depend on whether you know the person or not?

And for those who have said something, how was it received?

ravenclaw1 · July 2014

If it were a good friend, I'd say something. But I just can't with strangers. I see people doing the "prop the car seat on the shopping cart" thing all the time and have yet to figure out a way to give people advice.

LaurelBee · July 2014

I'm that annoying person who says something most times. I actually plan to get certified so I actually have some credibility bc I just.can't bite my tongue sometimes.

ShakeyJakey · July 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

CTGirl30 said:

FWD facing in the FRONT seat?? WTMF, @PrivacyWanted....what goes through people's brains where that is thought to be okay?

I mean, you might as well Britney Spears it at that point and just drive with your infant on your lap.

::headdesk::

I have no idea. The parents are not from the US, and I'm not sure about car seat use from their native country. I think she really just legitimately did not know. Thankfully the Fire Captain fixed it and I've seen her properly using it since then.

I saw this once, someone that was renting from my grandpa. I didn't have kids yet so I wasn't exactly sure of the situation. I doubt it would have gone well if I said something, but now that I have a child I probably would.

OP, whether or not I would say anything depends on how well I know the person and how dangerous of a "mistake" they're making.

LC122 · July 2014

YellowWallpaper12 said:
I would say something.

When my son was first born I used to be the parent who put the car seat on top of a shopping cart. I didn't know any better until I saw someone post something about it on Facebook. I wish someone had said something to me, even if it was a stranger.

I suspect you may be in the minority on handling it well. Or at least that is what people are afraid of.

Has anyone said something and had it not go over well? Or are most people just afraid that it wouldn't?

Helenahhandbasket · July 2014

I am going to dissent from the crowd and say that I most likely would not say anything RE car seat placement/ buckling/ shopping cart riding.

I WOULD call CPS to report possible physical/ sexual abuse, though.

secretsout · July 2014

I don't say anything.

Sometimes with friends, I might insert things into conversation, but I never actually confront them about anything. If they were doing something illegal I might be more direct, but I haven't run into that.

NeneCakies · July 2014

So stink eye isn't helpful? Lmk.

J/k. But sometimes I wish I could just walk up, say "cute kid" and hand them a business card. Like an infamous Parenting Fight Club, that card would give them a link to a super secret website listing all the safety rules of all time. And they would instantly know they hadn't acted right and figure out where they went wrong and would then pass the card to others. I dislike confrontation so this is obviously the best solution.

cedenton · July 2014

I saw a lady at the store the other day with the seat on top of the cart. I didn't say anything, but I did do a literal double-take and consider it very briefly.

Monkeybabe · July 2014

I never say anything.

Soxgirl07 · July 2014

A friend (no kids) saw some kids in the front car cart thing with a plastic bag over one of their heads. She told the mom assuming she couldn't see/didn't realize.
The mom flipped out about how if her kids wanted to play with bags, they could.
I know my friend, she's like the least judgemental person ever. I doubt she said it in a bitchy way.

jesuisfatiguee · July 2014

I never say anything under the Golden Rule.

ToastieSimons · July 2014

i've only said one thing one time. close friends of ours had kids in expired for at least 5 years car seats or way too young in a booster.

even then i was too chicken to say much and we just gifted them new seats. they were very thankful and i said i'm just obsessed with car seat safety and we care about the kids so much and want them as safe as possible.

DaBearsFansWife · July 2014

Soxgirl07 said:
A friend (no kids) saw some kids in the front car cart thing with a plastic bag over one of their heads. She told the mom assuming she couldn't see/didn't realize.
The mom flipped out about how if her kids wanted to play with bags, they could.
I know my friend, she's like the least judgemental person ever. I doubt she said it in a bitchy way.

I worked at Walmart and saw this all the time. Literally, at least once a day. At first I tried to be gentle about approaching the parents but after a few gems like this i became that bitch that just took the bag of the child's face and mean mugged the parent if they didn't thank me.
I was reported once but management dismissed it because of the obvious safety hazard that was at play.

LC122 · July 2014

jsgrl613 said:
I don't say anything.

Sometimes with friends, I might insert things into conversation, but I never actually confront them about anything. If they were doing something illegal I might be more direct, but I haven't run into that.

This is where I was with friends. Or, friends of friends at the mutual friends' party. They were talking about FF in the husband's car for their not-yet-1-yr-old. I asked if there was something wrong with their seat or car that they felt they needed to turn it around. When they responded that it was because their kid was "so long", I mentioned that my 2.5 yr old still RFs. The dad later added that his car was just for the 2-mile ride to and from daycare. And I'm thinking, "So, the car he's in 5 days a week?"
I just tried to give information without seeming accusatory. It's just hard because of the implication.

SpaceGirlSpiff · July 2014

I don't say anything to strangers, I'm not a confrontational person and unless the child is in SERIOUS harm (like being abused, left in a car, etc etc) I'm not going to intervene. I will intervene in an obviously dangerous situation by at least calling the cops or CPS

Friends or family, I may make a casual and as nice as possible comment or spark a conversation about it if I feel it's necessary (like about car seats or putting the carseat on top of the cart).... other issues where it's not as dangerous and only side-eye worthy...ehh... I mind my own business

In general I'm a MYOB kind of gal, unless the danger or abuse is blatant and obvious.

bumpuser260585 · July 2014

I don't normally say anything. I have talked to the dc director at our old daycare when a baby in DS1's class was still in his infant seat after he had outgrown it. I first tried to talk to the mom by saying "wow, how Much does your lo weigh? J outgrew his carrier already. " But the mom didn't take the hint. We had the same seat so i knew it has a lower weight limit. I don't think the dc director ever addressed it though.

Sillygirl85 · July 2014

I haven't said anything yet. I have told my friends that don't have children yet to please let me explain to them the benefits of ERF when they start having children. I am going to take the next class in my area to become a certified CPST.

klondikebar · July 2014

I don't say anything. I would if a child was in immediate danger like nearly falling out of cart and the mom was occupied. I'd appreciate the heads up with that too. We all get distracted shopping and kids are quick escape artists.

Rebis58 · July 2014

I've never said anything. I think I would if it was a dangerous situation like a kid left in a car or something. Nothing that extreme has come up for me.

From the other point of view, when DD was a few weeks old I had a mom correct me on DD's carseat buckle (clip was too low). I felt embarrassed (first time mom, trying too hard to be perfect) and also a little annoyed/defensive that she had mentioned it since I didn't know her well and it was in front of a group of moms I had just met. Ultimately though she was non-judgmental and didn't make a big deal about it, so I swallowed my wounded pride, thanked her, and fixed the clip.

Looking back I'm grateful that she let me know what I was doing wrong - obviously DD's safety is more important than my bruised ego. I can see how someone who is feeling insecure (like I was) or is having a rough day could feel defensive, though. I'm glad I just smiled through my annoyance and thanked her because about 5 minutes later I was over it and realized she meant well and would have felt awful if I had reacted differently.

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Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

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J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

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There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright