Pepping up my DH

sarah2jane · July 2014

I need advice on how to help my DH cope with us not getting pregnant right away. What did you say to your DH when they got down about it?

He thought we would get pregnant right away, truly before I started researching and watched 'The Great Sperm Race' I thought it would be easy. We have friends that are getting pregnant left and right, he is so upset that AF came this morning. The look of disappointment that washed across his face was hard to see. I told him it's normal, that a healthy couple can take a year to conceive. I just don't want him feeling like this every month, I can't blame him because I obviously get upset every time AF arrives, I do try to hide it though and let him know it's okay. He told me this morning if he knew it would take this long he would have asked to start trying a year ago.

It's hitting me a lot harder this morning than in past months. I just don't understand how so many people get pregnant with out even trying! I know we are all different, I'm just venting and looking for any advice that can help my DH not get down each month AF comes. Thanks in advance !

catwine · July 2014

We're in the same boat. H thought we'd get pregnant in the first couple months so I had to explain that my body needs to adjust to being off BCP and it can indeed take up to a year to get pregnant. He is openly disappointed each month too.

I try to look at it in a positive light each time AF arrives. For example, it's another month we can add to our savings to be ready for when baby does come. I'm a big believer in everything happening when it does for a reason, so that helps me a lot. I also try not to have tunnel vision about TTC. We still make plans for travelling, get togethers with friends, date nights, etc.

I agree it can be frustrating, but hang in there!

Cythe · July 2014

Dr. Cythe would also prescribe the same types of things we use when we're feeling down. A glass of wine and trashy TV. Or maybe beer and sports just to finish out the male stereotype.

Good luck to you and YH.

kelley72 · July 2014

Just that we needed to keep practicing. More sex typically = happiness

sarah2jane · July 2014

Thank you ladies! The more sex is definitely a plus, my DH loved looking at my FF chart and seeing all the sex we have been having. I'll just mention that we will be having even more this month to brighten his spirits today

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KingLED · July 2014

Hand him a beer and tell him to get over it. It sucks, but if you haven't hit the year mark it's totally normal.

catlover790 · July 2014

My DH was getting down about things around month 8 and it was hard to see him upset! I just tried to plan us more fun things to do as a couple so that we are still spending this time together as a couple and not just focusing on baby stuff all the time.

I would recommend doing fun things together and plan little things to look forward to like a weekend away, going out for a date, etc. Good luck!

divinemsbee · July 2014

sarah2jane said:

I need advice on how to help my DH cope with us not getting pregnant right away. What did you say to your DH when they got down about it?
He thought we would get pregnant right away, truly before I started researching and watched 'The Great Sperm Race' I thought it would be easy. We have friends that are getting pregnant left and right, he is so upset that AF came this morning. The look of disappointment that washed across his face was hard to see. I told him it's normal, that a healthy couple can take a year to conceive. I just don't want him feeling like this every month, I can't blame him because I obviously get upset every time AF arrives, I do try to hide it though and let him know it's okay. He told me this morning if he knew it would take this long he would have asked to start trying a year ago.
It's hitting me a lot harder this morning than in past months. I just don't understand how so many people get pregnant with out even trying! I know we are all different, I'm just venting and looking for any advice that can help my DH not get down each month AF comes. Thanks in advance !

Ok, as someone who has had these thoughts I wanted to speak to this for a sec. When this starts, I think the best thing to do it go back over why you guys together decided to wait. You didn't start a year ago for reasons, whatever your reasons are. I've had these thoughts before, and when I do I go back and realize that the reasons we had were good ones.

Also, so if you'd started trying a year ago and it was still taking X months, then it would still be X months. Just a year ago. I totally get what it's like to feel like there's a clock, but you have to live in the now (I realize exactly how new age-y ridiculous that sounds).

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