Any STM+ nervous about adding another LO?

rlyttle · July 2014

90% of the time I'm fine with it, but occasionally I get nervous about having a toddler and a newborn. DH is playing baseball all day today since he has a double header. I just keep thinking of the days I'm left alone with both kids and I get pissed at DH. I want him to have a life, and I don't expect him to be home 100% of the time. I just get a little nervous at times. I know I can do it, and we'll be busy doing things as well. Tell me I'm not alone here....

MrsKasel10 · July 2014

I was much more nervous about going from 1 to 2 children than I am going from 2 to 3 children. I think it's because my first 2 kids are only 17mo apart so I knew it was going to be hard! Now my children are 3 yo and 4yo so they aren't completely dependent on me at all times and will be able to play together when I'm feeding the baby.my husband works constantly and is opening a new business shortly after LO is born so I'll be doing most everything alone. It'll be tough during the newborn stage but we will all get through it!

portentosa · July 2014

I get a little nervous from time to time.

.....ok, I have a 'OMG! We're about to have TWO of them!' moment from time to time. :P

Mine will be 20 months apart and as DS becomes more verbal and self sufficient (as much as a toddler can) I breathe easier, but then I get that classic mom guilt of feeling like I can't possibly love both equally. I'm told that's complete nonsense though.

I'm not only nervous about when I'm alone with them both, I'm nervous about when I go back to work and DH is alone with them 4 days out of 7. I know I'm being silly worrying about it, I had these same nervous worries when I had my first. It's natural to worry when you are facing a big change in your life.

amom2four · July 2014

You aren't alone in these feelings. I have these feelings quite frequently. Most days I'm fine but then I have a rough day with a hormonal 13yo, special needs 11yo and energizer bunny almost 3yo and I think how in the world am I going to manage this circus?!? My oldest are 19mos apart and it was not easy as they were both high needs children and I was living on the other side of the country with my ex and had no help, not even from him. You will adapt to life with another lo and even though the house is a mess and you haven't showered all day, you will survive. The infant days don't last forever. And do not be afraid to ask for help. If someone offers, tell them exactly what you need so you can take that shower or a nap or having someone pick something up from the grocery store.

Jenner37 · July 2014

I also feel this way, i just don't know how I will balance my time. I know it will take practice and I will figure it out, but right now all I imagine is a screaming newborn and a toddler throwing a tantrum and I freak out. I'm trying to just enjoy our last little bit only wrangling one.

biokitty42 · July 2014

I am pretty scared. Adjusting to having one was really hard for me, and I'm scared that having two will be a worse adjustment. I don't think I had PPD, but I definitely had the "baby blues" pretty badly, and for a long time.

On top of that, DD will be 22 months when the baby is born, and she still sleeps badly for both naps and nighttime. I'm probably going to be a zombie.

I really do think it will all be worth it someday, but it's going to be very hard at first.

Timscutie01 · July 2014

I worry more about how my relationship with DD is going to change. She is my right hand man all day! (Sahm here!) we've been talking to her about this for months but how much she understands at 2.5 I'm not sure.
DH is the biggest help ever but he can't be home during the day with me. I know we'll figure it out but I do worry about all of it!!

Irisheyes1247 · July 2014

We had a really rough time going 1 to 2, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time will go a little easier. I know it all somehow works out and I just keep telling myself eventually they aren't SO needy all the time

Djcieply · July 2014

Yes, I have moments when I think to myself how the heck am I going to handle a newborn and a toddler. My biggest worry is that this LO will have colic, DS had it and it was hell. It worries me how bed time is going to go (when DH is working late and unable to help) with DS if LO has colic since those two times at night will practically be the same. Im also worried about LO waking DS up in the middle of the night, we have a pretty small house and not many places to go and hide with a screaming newborn.

jg1011 · July 2014

Oh yes......I have these moments at least 2 times a day. I have a 20 month old now. He's not a great night sleeper and is often sick. My DH travels a lot for work. I wonder how I am going to do this with two? Compounding it.....I am a FTWM--I will need to return to work 12 weeks after LO is born. I am also stressed about getting these two out the door for daycare.

And then I think and remind myself... Many have done this before me and survived. I will too! But I can imagine that these feelings and dreams will reoccur several times in next 8 weeks.

ashleyb1114 · July 2014

Yes. It has been a little calming seeing her interact with my friends 3 week old but she is not here all the time so I know that isn't a true indicator of how she will react with a baby that is here all the time.
I too am more afraid for my husband who will be with the 2 alone at 6 weeks once I go back to work. Sure my SS can help after school but there is only so much an 11 year old can do.

lbonga1 · July 2014

I'm a little nervous, but I think I was a lot more nervous for DD1 since she was unplanned. FI is a SAHM, so I'll have help from him. I just hope this LO doesn't have colic/high needs like DD1. But, I've been through a lot worse in life, so I feel prepared.

megs2011 · July 2014

Well I went from 0 to 2 so going from 2 to 3 should be easier. But I often worried about trying to deal with 3 alone. My twins are high energy and on the go all the time. I'll have 3 under 2 for a week or so. I think the girls will be great big sisters though. They are great with my friends baby.

rlyttle · July 2014

So good to hear that others are having the same worries. DS will be 4 when DD is due so I think he will be a big help, but he still doesn't get "I can't play right now". That is going to be a struggle, but I know we will all adjust. [-O<

BrightMoon1 · July 2014

Like a PP said, I was more worried about going from 1-2 than I am about going from 2-3, only because my first 2 were closer together in age (26 months). Now my girls are 6 and 4. So they are older and independent in terms of a lot of things, yet still very active and energetic. They can be quite a handful at times and seem to fight constantly as of late. And my 6 year old has some special needs and is a very difficult child. It took us 4 years to get to the point where we were ready for the third. I have more mothering experience under my belt now, so I'm pretty calm about being able to handle another newborn. I will say that I'm not looking forward to the sleep deprivation again! I'm not good with little sleep and my mental health suffers. So hopefully he'll be a good sleeper and we'll get thru that phase quickly. Also hoping he doesn't have colic like my first 2 did, but it looks like colicky babies are the only kind we make. I just have to repeat the mantra "This too shall pass." Even colic is temporary.

andthatmakes4 · July 2014

I'm very worried about it. DD will be almost 3 and DS will have just turned 1. I'm pretty sure no one will get enough attention. I'm pretty worn out right now chasing these two.

kleigh926 · July 2014

Yes, I'm nervous. DD will be 19 months old when this one is born. I never really saw myself as having 2u2, I would've preferred her to be 2.5 or closer to 3 by the time we had another, but I got pregnant much quicker than expected this time. I think that DD will like having another little one in the house to interact with.... sometimes it seems like she gets bored at home. So that could be nice. But the sleep deprivation and breast feeding will be a lot harder with a toddler to take care of too. We have family around to help, so I'm sure it'll be okay. I just hope I can mentally prepare myself enough to have patience and keep control of my attitude despite being exhausted.

LexiT88 · July 2014

rlyttle said:
90% of the time I'm fine with it, but occasionally I get nervous about having a toddler and a newborn. DH is playing baseball all day today since he has a double header. I just keep thinking of the days I'm left alone with both kids and I get pissed at DH. I want him to have a life, and I don't expect him to be home 100% of the time. I just get a little nervous at times. I know I can do it, and we'll be busy doing things as well. Tell me I'm not alone here....

Most of the time I'm not super worried but on days like today I am terrified. DS will only be turning 2 a few weeks before and even though he is becoming independent for playing he is still my. very clingy mamas boy. DH has been out of house all day and I am EXHAUSTED. I really can't imagine how it'll be with 2 LOs but I'm definitely ready for her to be here so I can hold her and not be in pain all of the time.

chardonnay24 · July 2014

I'm more like 10% fine and 90% terrified. We didn't plan this one and in fact, we were OAD because our first is so challenging. I'm really scared about how she'll fit into our lives full of therapy, IEP meetings, evaluations, and appointments. I'm concerned that I won't be able to do the things I did with my son for her because so much of my time is focused on him and his challenges. And most of all, I'm worriedthat she'll end up having ASD like her brother, or a similar related condition, and that I won't be able to handle 2 high needs/special needs kiddos.

(

ashaw512 · July 2014

I had an omg moment in Walmart. How am I suppose to have a grocery shopping trip with a toddler and newborn. And other days I'm like hurry up already!!!! I get anxious sometimes.

amom2four · July 2014

@chardonnay24‌ you and I may need to chat, you are in OR if I remember correctly? My son is ASD also and he's older (11 now) and I have a nearly 3yo that has been through hours of travel and countless appts to this day and just after school starts, I will have another lo to lug to meetings. It sounds daunting but if you want to talk or have questions, just ask. My dh also works with developmentally disabled adults (like severely disabled in the state group homes). We've had a rough road so come at me with questions!

chardonnay24 · July 2014

@mom2four97355

Thanks! Right now I don't really have questions, but I'll let you know if I think of any. I know it's so hard to really "know" what the future holds, since every kid and every situation is unique - which is part of my concern! If only I had a crystal ball that would tell me everything is going to be okay...

Yes, we're in Portland. We're very lucky to have lots of resources at our disposal, but it still can be daunting at times. We're just taking it one day at a time, because really, what else can you do?

Again, thanks for the offer to chat. If I ever have any questions or just want to vent, I'll definitely take advantage of your offer! :-)

meganmccr · July 2014

Completely freaking out at this point!!! Haven't even bought one thing for baby #2. I have so many things to get done before he arrives...move DD into bigger room...paint and decorate nursery...buy clothes etc. I don't think I'll be having a baby shower (which is totally fine) but I guess I underestimated how much help that was the first time. Not for financial reasons but mostly just because it gets you more organized and forces you to get on the ball. I know everything will work out but it's just a little overwhelming at times:)

peanutbuttervibes · July 2014

Yes, I've been pretty terrified most of my pregnancy but I just try to remember that I worried just as much with DS (just about different things)!

LTMama · July 2014

Yeah I'm nervous. DD will be 3.5 and is in preschool full time, so that helps a lot. But she's my little buddy and I feel so bad sometimes knowing that we won't get to spend the same amount of time together. She's also a HUGE daddy's girl, and DH recently started a new job that will be pretty intense for the first year or two - when I had her, he was a SAHD for her first year so he was always around to help me with everything. This is going to be a completely new newborn experience for me, lots more work for me.

Eek. I'm hoping it'll just be rough at first, then once the little guy gets big enough to play with his sister, they'll have fun together.

Marchie1214 · July 2014

ME! I spend 5% of my time wishing for Sept because I'm too impatient. The other 95% of the time I'm sitting wondering what the hell did I just get myself into.

Ceridwen21 · July 2014

I am very nervous. DS will be just under 3 when the new LO arrives, and he's been acting out a lot lately (just normal toddler stuff) which is freaking me out. On a good day I feel like I'll be able to handle it, but when DS is having a meltdown over supper and DD needs me at the same time, I worry about how patient and calm I'll be able to remain.

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