Got up to pee, now can't go back to sleep, so looking for advice

Re: Got up to pee, now can't go back to sleep, so looking for advice

• Mrw218 member

  July 2014

  Oh he also said he would call her and my dad (he's paying I'm sure) when it is closer and tell her himself that he doesn't want a jack and Jill and doesn't want to stay for the whole party but that just sounds so rude to me and I don't want to embarrass offend my dad and the friend. He is also not afraid of confrontation and is stubborn so.....not sure how that conversation would go.

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• PacoCat33 member

  July 2014

  I think you could be proactive and talk to her. Don't say he doesn't want to be a part...instead tell her that if she is planning your show (gush about how thankful and wonderful she is) and say they you were hoping for it to be just women. You wanted that connection with women during this crossroads and you want them to be frank and open, and guys- even if they are downstairs can interfere with this.
  
  Or...you could have your Mom (or your family member that has a good relationship) explain the situation and tell her that you were hoping for a Shower with all women. I know you said it was a mess last time...but you may have to try.
  
  I think lying is a bad idea and he may not be able to utilize the exit strategy

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• krisleav1130 member

  July 2014

  Hey there. I got up to pee too ... and now I can't go back to sleep. Lol. So about your situation ... First things first. Don't lie! If this woman were ever to find out, think of how bad you'd feel then. Do you have any say in the baby shower whatsoever? Is she planning it with you? I would want to be involved. Tell her you want to be involved with her in every detail. Then you can work in that your husband doesn't want a Jack and Jill. Or tell her you want it to be traditional ... Just the ladies. Just remember, honesty is always the best policy. She can't get mad for you being honest with her. Good luck!!!

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• CandEChicago member

  July 2014

  Mrw218 said:

  All advice welcome;)
  My immediate family has a friend that's been in the family for years. She is an extremely nice lady. She threw my bridal shower and supposedly she I'd throwing my baby shower....seriously like I'm one of her kids. Well I heard from the grapevine that she wants to do a jack and Jill party. She has a large house that was made for entertaining so the guys go to the finished basement and bar and drink, watch tv, grill whatever while the women hang upstairs for the shower. Well it's worked for her kids but my bridal shower jack and Jill was an epic failure. On my end it was great but none of his guy friends showed up bc they don't get it, only bfs and hubbies of my friends came, her sons and other boys close to the family did not go, so the whole thing was awkward with the guys but I had made him go and he was such a good sport. He hates being the center of attention and I know the minute we walked in I thought omg what have I done bc I wanted the jack and Jill. So fast forward to now 2 years later he does NOT want to go to a jack and Jill. He wants to drop me off say hi and then leave, then just come back and get me w presents. I don't know what to do. I want to stay completely out of this planning process bc it only got messy last time with my sis trying to incorporate what I wanted, I don't want to force him to go, but I feel like it will be totally embarrassing and rude of me if she is so nice to do this and he just does what he wants. I feel like it's a big fuck you. I was thinking 1) he can show up let me blend into the party and then manage/ plan his own exit strategy so you r on your own bub, 2) I could just drive myself in his truck and not bring him anywhere near there and say he had some camping trip planned with his friends like last hoorah b4 baby??? I don't know....I feel like any halfwit will see right through all of this. I told him this is the last shower party we will ever have so can he suck it up and he just gets mad that I'm asking him to do so.

  Mrw218 said:

  Oh he also said he would call her and my dad (he's paying I'm sure) when it is closer and tell her himself that he doesn't want a jack and Jill and doesn't want to stay for the whole party but that just sounds so rude to me and I don't want to embarrass offend my dad and the friend. He is also not afraid of confrontation and is stubborn so.....not sure how that conversation would go.

  I am not Emily Post when it comes to baby showers, some of the other D14 ladies are better about this.
  
  Overall, the shower is a gift so it is poor manners to dictate a gift. Now if she is as close as you say you are then I am sure she would appreciate you voicing your concern versus making one of the guests of honor uncomfortable.
  
  That said I think 2 years has given your friends more time to mature and be more familiar with the concept of Jack & Jill parties. I think it would be very rude for you H to invent a last minute reason he can't be at his own party.
  

  
  

  
  

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• CandEChicago member

  July 2014

  krisleav1130 said:

  Hey there. I got up to pee too ... and now I can't go back to sleep. Lol. So about your situation ... First things first. Don't lie! If this woman were ever to find out, think of how bad you'd feel then. Do you have any say in the baby shower whatsoever? Is she planning it with you? I would want to be involved. Tell her you want to be involved with her in every detail. Then you can work in that your husband doesn't want a Jack and Jill. Or tell her you want it to be traditional ... Just the ladies. Just remember, honesty is always the best policy. She can't get mad for you being honest with her. Good luck!!!

  Maybe you shouldn't request to be involved "...In every detail." Seems like the Jack &Jill theme is your sticking point.

  
  

  
  

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• Mrw218 member

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  Couple things: yes jack and Jill is the issue, I don't want to be a part of every detail to be honest bc that was a disaster last time. While this woman is very nice and I greatly appreciate what she's doing, she has a tendency to do things her way and that's it. She'll just disregard what you want. So like at the bridal shower I was involved in some details bc my sis helped plan it. Dh and I requested that we not do the gift opening thing. We said all gifts should be unwrapped but obviously be identified bc we didn't want anyone to feel bad if they could only get us oven mitts or nothing for that matter when there are others that are getting us Waterford crystal or something. Trust me we didn't care but just didn't want to make anyone feel they couldn't come bc of that. There is kind of a large disparity between what each side can afford. Plus we did not want us to be sitting up there front and center oohing and aaahing over every gift. Well she argued with me about that, then my dad called to basically say I was being jerk and why did we care, then came to the above conclusion on his own and I KNOW he told her even though I said to shut his mouth. So of course dh was furious bc at the shower she waited til said family members left then promptly sat me down and had me open gifts front and center.. I'm glad I was drunk by this point ....won't be that lucky this time.

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• Mrw218 member

  July 2014

  Plus isn't it rude to dictate the plans and detail for a shower that someone else is throwing for you other than when and maybe generalized location. I mean our families are close but she isn't like my mom or anything. Also FYI I hesitate to mention and I really promise I'm not throwing this in anyone's face to make them feel bad but my mom died a few years ago so obviously don't include her in any of the advice bc well hah I can't raise the deceased. She'd hate this shit anyways.

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• weezy29 member

  July 2014

  Personally, I think your DH needs to suck it up and quit being rude. I understand that men don't enjoy these types of events(and let's be honest, many women don't either) but when someone is throwing a party to honor you with GIFTS, I don't think you complain unless the host is realllly out there with her ideas. To me, it sounds like HE wants to dictate how things are done and that's definitely not good etiquette.
  
  If he isn't willing to do that, be honest and tell the hostess that your DH is uncomfortable in those situations. Explain how it would probably be more enjoyable as a ladies only event. Whatever you do though, let her know that you appreciate everything she is doing for you.

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• nopegoat member

  July 2014

  I would tell H to suck it up. It's only for a few hours and he has a separate guy area to go to. Man. I ended up having 3 showers with my first because of our location and family issues. We lived 8hrs away from family and didn't see them much so we basically had jack and Jill showers by default. H sat next to me at each one to help open gifts, answer questions, and entertain. He was not thrilled but he dealt with it because it was the polite and right thing to do.
  

  Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
  , 💙💙💙💙💙💙

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• jessinaround member

  July 2014

  My husband would never want to go to a shower. So I understand. I would just be honest and say that you really want a traditional shower and your H is uncomfortable. Just say it while you talk about how wonderful she is for throwing the party.

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