STM's - What's some funny/embarrassing crap your kids say/have said?

Skeemer · July 2014

FIL is over here & I'm a tad less than thrilled. (ETA: I'm less than thrilled about the visit, not DS telling his Gru speech. In case that wasn't clear) DS is telling FIL the entire speech from Gru to the minions in Despicable Me including how he stole the Statue of Liberty. FIL is staring at him like a cow at a new gate. Lol.

I thought this might be a fun thread. What embarrassing, hilarious or strange things have your kids blurted out?

Not long ago DS told our neighbor that "Our dog poo poo's on the deck & we have to get a stick to flick it off." $:\$ "> Fortunately DS still babbles a little at 2 & 1/2 so I'm thinking (hoping, wishing & praying) that our neighbor didn't really understand him. LOL

acohin · July 2014

Not my kid but if I may share... My sister and I were watching my friend's 2 year old (she's now 9) and we all made a trip to the grocery store. The mom of the little girl was all into pitates--jolly Roger flags, talk like a pirate, etc. so little one knew all about them.
While at the grocery store she sees an older gentleman with an eye patch. She got all excited and yelled out "look!! A pirate!!!!" Said "pirate" did not look very amused.

lindslalala · July 2014

DS tells people "no, don't touch me!" at the grocery store if they get too close to him...very awkward.

When he's naked he'll sometimes blurt out "I have a small penis"

yesterday on our walk he said "look mama, birds in the trees! But no donkeys in the trees". I'm still laughing over that one.

jensavicci · July 2014

This happened after nick was born but I still remember it because it was so funny.

He was a newborn and DD asked if she could feed him like I do. I said ok not thinking things all the way through. So, she lifts up her shirt and says "ok, I'm ready." LOL

sparks2987 · July 2014

Emily always says and does the funniest things, 2 is a great age for this

- In January we got a new puppy, Emily begged me to let her poop on the floor because the puppy did it, I then chased her around the house as she was naked telling her no and laughing as she kept saying "Emily poops on the floor"

- A few weeks ago she told an rather large lady in line at the store that she was "too fat to be her friend, her friends are all small" this one embarrassed me and made me chuckle

- she also insists she is going to be a big brother, not a big sister. This is because her friend at daycare tells her he is a big brother because he has a baby brother. She thinks because she is have a baby brother, this makes her a big brother.

Lhalliburton · July 2014

DD thinks "underpants" is a dirty/bad word. She goes around mumbling "underpants" to herself and giggling.

We live in a predominately white area, and DD hasn't seen many black people. Obvi, my DH is black. After she saw a poster of Jerry Rice at my chiropractor's office, she pointed and said, "Look! It's Kevin! (DH)". We decided that we need to expose her to a wider variety of people.

Also, she's been calling dogs "sexy". Like, as a synonym for "cute". We'll pass someone walking their dog on the sidewalk, and she'll ask if she can pet the dog. She'll then say in a baby-talk voice "you're so sexy... yes you are... you're so sexy." The dog's owner always side-eyes me and I have to explain. I still have no idea where she picked it up.

Mr&MrsMTA · July 2014

When my oldest was 4yrs old while driving home from pre school she said "I know why brown people are brown" I replied oh yeah why......"because they eat to many pickles"......she was so serious I couldn't laugh at her so I just said maybe. LOLOL

I have no clue where that even came from, but I thought it was so funny.

darkangel42 · July 2014

DD1 appeared while I was feeding DD2 without the cover and asked what I was doing.

If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough for the answer so I explained breastfeeding. She took it pretty well.

Until the husband said something about feeding the baby (at the dinner table with various family present) when she loudly announced "No Daddy, only Mummy and Grammy can do that because they have the boobs!"

We had to have a bit more explanation once everyone had stopped laughing, bless her.

aimeepigott · July 2014

DS is 20 mos and his extent of conversation is not huge by any means, but we do laugh when he poops...he leaves the room and hides then returns and says " momma, poop" and then fans in front of his nose cuz I taught him that for stinky! Lol so he pretty much informs me he smells!

darkangel42 · July 2014

Got another one.

DD1 struggles a bit with the difference between Indians (people from India) and Indians (native Americans). We were going out for dinner with some Indian (of India) friends and DD decided to announce loudly that we were having dinner with the savages (unfortunately, Pocahontas taught her much before my husband had chance to step in and tell her what's ok to say and what's not).

Thankfully our friends saw the funny side.

We also have some family friends, Mr & Mrs Savage aka "the Savages" and she gets very excited whenever she hears they're visiting, running around shouting about Indians coming over. Mr & Mrs Savage are in fact not Indian in any way but DD refuses to accept this and (every. single. time.) is disappointed that neither has a bow and arrow or wears body paint.

I promise, we are trying to teach her properly but you can't argue with Disney, apparently.

She comes out with all kinds, I should really write them down.

Big+Lil · July 2014

DD (2 and a half) likes to pretend she's licking people (like the dog). She "licked" me and said, "mmmm...delicious." I asked her what I tasted like and without missing a beat she said, "fried chicken."

She also has taken to saying "holy schnikeys" and "aw nuts!" Both crack us up.

shamyfowler · July 2014

DD who is 3 talks very loudly. Especially in bathrooms because she likes the echo or something. A few months ago we were in Costco and I had a belly ache and needed to use the bathroom. It's one of those walk-in bathrooms, with no door to the entrance. We were the only ones in there and after a few minutes a janitor says "hello, anyone in here?" I said yep, we're here. So I'm sitting there awhile doing my business and in her LOUD voice, DD asks "DID YOU PEEEEEEEEE???" I tried to quietly say yes, so she would quiet her voice to match mine. Then she asks "DID YOU POOOOOOOOP???" Again, I quietly said yes. Then, "ARE YOU WIIIIIIIIPING????" Yes! I'm trying to get her to not talk so loud, but we're the only ones in there. So finally get finished up and wash our hands and go to walk out and of course the janitor guy was standing RIGHT in the doorway where he could here everything. I didn't even bat an eye and just said, it's all clear!

ARogers26 · July 2014

My Dad has a financial guy that handles his life insurance. My sister and I had to meet with him to sign paperwork. My niece who was 3 at the time was sitting across the table from him next to my sister. He is a rather large man - was a lineman in college. Savanna looked at my sister and said "Mom, can I sit by my fat friend?" Soooooo funny!!!

Ps I cried laughing reading everyone's stories!!

LyndseylovesHugh · July 2014

My H is in the Army and DD has started referring to everyone she sees in uniform as daddy. We live in a military town and it's a bit awkward when she's yelling daddy at random strangers in the grocery store.

emeek · July 2014

My son is 2 we are teaching him colors. Whenever he sees brown rather than saying brown he says poop. The first time he did this I lost it, there were tears coming down my face I was laughing so hard

acciovino · July 2014

The other day DD was going #2 in the bathroom and singing "Let it Go" very loudly.

Skeemer · July 2014

My friend's 6 year old was in trouble & his mother said, "I really don't like getting on to you. It upsets me so much!" He replied with the straightest face ever, "Then why do you keep doing it?" LOL

dobbyisfree · July 2014

No older kids for me, but my 7 year old niece is a pistol. She was 'helping' me put away shower gifts last month, and came across my nipple butter. She asked what it was for.

Me - do you know how babies eat?
Niece - with their mouth?
Me - yes, but where do they get their food?
Niece - from their mom?
Me - yes, but do you know how?
Niece, looking stricken - youre going to DO that? Like the pigs do????????

Hahahaha we died laughing.

abrazz · July 2014

My parents are building an addition onto the house so we can all live together but have separate spaces. My daughter has apparently told her teachers at daycare that her grandparents are going to live in the garage and sleep in their cars. They asked me at daycare what she was talking about and I had to explain the entire situation.

amlonica We had a similar experience at church last week. I had shown the kids pictures of different animals feeding their babies and at church during announcements DD yells, Mom feeds the baby like the elephants do!

alyss0nl · July 2014

We were making a target run to get more diapers for both boys and some formula, and as we parked and were getting out of the car, DS1 shouts out, "brothers asleep, leave him in the car!" Thankfully it was just us who heard him, but I had to explain that brother comes with us everywhere we go.

AMcLaws · July 2014

My DH's aunt was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and she was holding her 2 year old DD. There was a rather dark black man standing behind them. He smiled and said hi to DD, and DD was staring at him intently. Aunt started getting nervous, knowing her DD's habit of just blurting out whatever came to mind. Suddenly, DD reaches out, touches the mans face, and says "you're so DIRTY!" Fortunately he cracked up. My DH's aunt was mortified haha!

AnotherPreggo · July 2014

Lurker on this board mostly, but I found this post amusing. DD is 20 months, and wants to know the name of everything. She will point and kind of groan until we put a name on whatever she is pointing to, and then will repeat it. So when she began pointing to her hoo-ha, I had to call it something, and we decided to go with the actual terms.

Fast forward to a church BBQ. Someone brought their very precious boxer mix pooch, and DD was allllll about her. She was pointing out her ears, eyes, etc. And needless to say, things got awkward when she somehow identified the dog's vagina. I still cannot believe she realized what it was on a dog.

unaveragejane · July 2014

We also opted to use the "real name" for DS's parts. It was all fine and dandy until one day in Target he decided to say, "Penis!" quite loudly as a random stranger walked by. I was kind of embarrassed, so I quickly said, "No, sweetie. I don't have any peanuts. Do you want a cracker?"

kweaver123 · July 2014

I was at target in the baby section wih my 2 year old son. By he baby section they have all of the bras. He asks me what they are and I say they are for girls. And he replies "No mommy they are for nipples!"

chevronseven · July 2014

Kbelle24 said:
DD who is 3 talks very loudly. Especially in bathrooms because she likes the echo or something. A few months ago we were in Costco and I had a belly ache and needed to use the bathroom. It's one of those walk-in bathrooms, with no door to the entrance. We were the only ones in there and after a few minutes a janitor says "hello, anyone in here?" I said yep, we're here. So I'm sitting there awhile doing my business and in her LOUD voice, DD asks "DID YOU PEEEEEEEEE???" I tried to quietly say yes, so she would quiet her voice to match mine. Then she asks "DID YOU POOOOOOOOP???" Again, I quietly said yes. Then, "ARE YOU WIIIIIIIIPING????" Yes! I'm trying to get her to not talk so loud, but we're the only ones in there. So finally get finished up and wash our hands and go to walk out and of course the janitor guy was standing RIGHT in the doorway where he could here everything. I didn't even bat an eye and just said,
it's all clear!

When I was little I remember being fascinated by the echos in public bathrooms, and I hadn't quite learned that just because people can't SEE you (like behind a closed door) doesn't mean they can't HEAR you. I learned this when I was in a gas station bathroom, probably about 6 years old, and I was straight up opera singing in the bathroom. When I came out my dad and the cashier were laughing and he teased me about it. It was actually really embarrassing :-/

INmommy871278 · July 2014

DS has a "type" of girl that he likes and has had since he was like 4 months old. I found this out when we went to the grocery store and he saw a pretty girl and started saying "Heeeey" then smiling at them. He gives girls that aren't appealing to him a dirty look if they talk to him.

I was with my aunt helping watch her kids a few years ago when my cousin who at the time was 3 or so was saying hi to random people, then he looked at the guy sitting right next to me then looks at me and says "say hi, say hi, he's cuuuuute" the guy was good looking and kind of laughed it off thankfully.

While working at a daycare during college I had a 3 year old ask if I was pregnant. My face turned ten shades of red and I said no, she then informed that I look pregnant.

Another little girl at the DC asked what was in my nose, referring to my nose ring, I said "what does it look like?" She said "bling bling".

At the same daycare I was in the four and fives room when the only male coworker popped in to say hi to me, several of the girls in there informed me that the coworker and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. We were not dating at the time, but I told him about the convo and he kind of shrugged then asked me out later that night.

I could keep going with funny things kids have said, but I'll stop now.