Communityβ€Ί The Bump Month Clubsβ€Ί December 2014 Moms
December 2014 Moms
New Discussion

Im overwhelmed depressed & losing my mind.....

RobinettMommaRobinettMomma member
in December 2014 Moms
Ladies i need all the advice i can get. I am a step mom to a 4 year old and have been in his life since he was 1. His mom and i toerate each other for his sake. He is a very disrespectful smartass and i am not allowed to discipline him in any way what so ever. He constantly terrorizes my 18 month old by hitting and taking his toys and just all around picks on him. His dad is never home and really could careless. I get the "your not my boss my mom is" quite often and im pretty sick of it. Im at my wits ends and its about to cause a divorce. I came outside bawling yesterday because i was so overwhelmed and all my husband had to say was you need to grow up your a mom deal with it. He is never home to take care of the kids he works 7 days a week from 5:30am-7:00pm and when he gets home he just lays around and doesnt do anything with the kids. We get his son every other weekend during school and every other week during summer. This summer has been a living nightmare and from sunday when we get him i start counting down the days to the next sunday he goes home. I know its terrible but he makes me cringe. Anyway theres a little insight on the situation and i need all the advice i can get!! Please help!!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Im overwhelmed depressed & losing my mind.....

  • Loading the player...
  • RobinettMommaRobinettMomma member
    Btw i knew what i was getting into but i didnt realize his dad wouldnt handle the situation and it just get worse the older he gets....
    Report Reply
  • ZAP12ZAP12 member
    Why can't you discipline him? Just because you aren't his mom doesn't mean he can walk all over you. Kids live with two sets of house rules all the time. Give him some consequences when he acts out.
    Baby Z: 5/21/12

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    **December 2014 September Siggy Challenge - Favorite Thing About Fall - Fall Leaves and Apple Cider**
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • JulieSC81JulieSC81 member
    If you purchase the workbook, it is for you to learn the skills. It teaches the skills and has activities to practice them. Its super easy but requires practice like anything else. A 4 yr old also needs lots of love, praise, and consistency.
    Report Reply
  • jessinaroundjessinaround member
    I think you need to tell your husband that if he is going to spend so much time with you then you get to have rules and expectations. The four year old has to learn to respect you. And then love will come so much easier for both of you.
    Report Reply
  • HorseFeathers3HorseFeathers3 member
    That's BS! I know there is a fine line in regards to disapline with a step child, but in my opinion you are an adult and he needs to respect and listen to you regardless if you are his stepmother or not. You need to have a serious talk with your husband about your concerns and let him know that HE needs need to support you in your decision making and role as a parent in your husbands absence. I had this same problem with my boys when my husband and I were first together. It took a bit to work through for all of us and especially my boys. But bottom line I made it clear to my boys that they must respect any adult and of course both their step mother and step father (my husband).
    Report Reply
  • Eora3Eora3 member
    NandaB said:

    You don't have a 4 year old problem, you have a husband problem.

    This.

    You need some marriage therapy. Clearly the needs of his wife and children are not a priority for him. It sounds like he needs a reality check and you need to find your voice. Take some control of your life and your house. You are not powerless to discipline a child you are left in charge of. You are not powerless in you marriage. Take back some control and you will feel so much better. Be strong mama!!
    Report Reply
  • JulieSC81JulieSC81 member
    Also, if he makes you cringe...he will feel that and act out more because of it. I wouldn't want to be around someone who didn't like me, especially as a child. And he is there to visit his dad who isnt around. i agree with NandaB, you have a husband problem. I am NOT flaming you and I get that kids can be stressful. Maybe try focusing on his good traits more though. I dont think hormones help either. My dogs have suddenly become quite misbehaving and annoying...for the past 5 months ;).
    Report Reply
  • RobinettMommaRobinettMomma member
    His mom doesnt enforce any kind of discipline she thinks his actions are funny. He tells her no and to shut up and she laughs it gets on my nerves. She thinks he hung the moon and does absolutely no wrong. His dad tells him to shut up thats it nothing more to it. Im just fed up with it all.
    Report Reply
  • JulieSC81JulieSC81 member
    edited July 2014
    If my SO told our son to shut up, i think i would throw my SO out the door! You definitely are in a hard position! Your husband needs to show you respect before you expect his son to.
    Edit:grammar
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    Report Reply
  • ColeyCannoliColeyCannoli member
    Did you remind your husband that he is a father? He seems to be forgetting that he has an important role to play here. I feel for the step kid, he's clearly not a happy child. Hell, his dad doesn't even want to see him the few times he's with him.
    I agree with everyone else, especially about family therapy. Three people are miserable right now and that is not okay. Your husband needs to wake up and start caring.
    In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14 <3
    image
    imageimage

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • RobinettMommaRobinettMomma member
    Thank you so much ladies i appreciate all of your advice and i will figure something out. My husband is hard headed and its his way or no way and so its hard to get through to him. He is not a very good listener he thinks he knows everything. Im at my wits ends with him to right now.
    Report Reply
  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    My son just turned 4 and he is a little terror at times because he is testing every single boundary he can. I can't imagine what you are going through with a 4yr old that has no boundaries. Yikes.

    There is definitely a fine line when it comes to step parents and what they can and can't do. My parents were divorced and my mom and stepmother got into it more than I care to say because of it. However, to say you aren't allowed to discipline is an effing disaster waiting to happen. You absolutely should be able to discipline and set up rules, which the birth parents should agree on.

    I agree with everyone else. Your H needs to wake up and step up.

    Hugs lady.
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™
    Report Reply
  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    If not family therapy then therapy for yourself. Give yourself a chance to find and be comfortable with your voice. You have a lot going on with this, your OB, and pregnancy in general.


    Test
    Report Reply
  • Mrw218Mrw218 member
    Agree with everyone else. Your husband sounds like a worse child than the 4 year old. Maybe you should remind him he's an adult AND father AND husband meaning it is part of his duty to work on BOTH the 4 yr old and your needs. The easy solution that doesn't involve him, back u up in disciplining his son.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"