How much do they do?

BGrahl90 · July 2014

I know there are many single mothers out there who do it all but I am curious to see what other working moms' spouse does around the house. Laundry, trash, cook? Is it a 50/50 split?

*sparky* · July 2014

DH really slacked off for a while but I have to say now that we have the 2nd kid he has totally stepped it up. I ended up making a checklist for the evenings of everything that needed to be done and we check things off as they go. It made him realize, I think, how little he was doing when he saw all of the things that needed to be done on a nightly basis. Now he always make sure he checks some things off On the list.

He works kind of late during the week so there are a lot of things he is not really able to help with but on the weekends he's been a rock star. Today he did all the laundry, went grocery shopping and fixed two of our toilets. And he made dinner.

He was not always like this so I am so happy he has become so much more helpful. Oh, and for the most part we really don't have his vs. hers chores, although he handles all mowing and snow removal. But on the day-to-day stuff we will each just do whatever needs to be done.

krose0713 · July 2014

In general, DH takes care of the outdoor chores and I take care of the indoor chores. This isn't set in stone though, just our typical preferences. If he has nothing that needs to be done outdoors, he helps with whatever needs to be done inside. We alternate cleaning baby bottles and making new ones for the next day. We also trade off bathroom cleaning. I make dinner most nights bc I'm home earlier, and he cleans up after. We each take care of our own laundry.

MommyAtty · July 2014

DH does a lot of housework-type stuff. He does all the laundry, empties the trash, and makes sure things like toilet paper and paper towels are where they need to be. I cook, do most of the deep cleaning (which is why I'm looking into housekeepers), and do the vast majority of kid stuff. But he does give DD a bath every night and will do what I tell him to. He's also good about things like gassing up my car and running it thru the carwash. So we are probably pretty close to even.

VOR · July 2014

We have a weird schedule so I can't give a split. But when DH is working, the burden falls on me. However, he does everything that he can to alleviate the burden as much as possible. We're very much a team and it's "50/50" in the sense that we both give it our all when we need to.

And in fairness, I step up for him when needed. He tends to mow the lawn, but because of his odd schedule, his time home can sometimes be precious so I'll mow it so that when he does get home, he can spend QT w our son.

Puppies+Rainbows+Unicorns · July 2014

We hire a lot out with weekly gardening and cleaning services. The rest is pretty 50-50.

emberlee3 · July 2014

Overall, we're about 50-50. He does most yard work and pays bills. I do most cooking and cleaning. We both pitch in for dishes, laundry, and errands. If I feel like things are out of balance, he is really good about taking on more chores. We keep a running list on the fridge so we can divide and conquer.

shakinros · July 2014

I guess I have to be the first whiner on this thread, lol. I do 75% of the housework and kid care. DH is more than willing to hang out with DD but he'll invariably turn on the TV after 15 minutes. He does cook dinner a couple times a week and he does daycare pickups. I do everything in the morning and dropoffs. Sometimes he does laundry (once a month?) and he'll help with dishes if I start them and ask for his help. All bill paying, general cleanup, bath times, bedtimes, scheduling and appointments are me. He shoveled snow this winter (our first with snow ever!).

But right now he works out of town M-F. That's been going on for two months. My dinners have suffered, but otherwise, I can't say there's much difference in my day to day. I'm afraid it's going to be a worse division of house & kid tasks when he gets back, but maybe it'll be better! He feels terrible about being gone and is constantly saying how much he's going to do when he gets back next month.

Mustardseed2007 · July 2014

We have a lawn guy and house keeper. Dh does laundry, dishes, bathes our 2 year old, and scoops the cat boxes once per day. We both pick up clutter. I do most of the deep cleaning the maid doesn't get to, I cook, I put ds to bed, I scoop the cat boxes in the morning, I do most of the stuff with out dog. I'd say it's fairly 50 50, but he may actually do a bit more than me. Oh and it's me dropping the kids off and then he does pick up.

bcnoelle · July 2014

I'd say it's about 50/50 with house stuff and we seem to have certain chores that are more designated to one of us, but I am usually the one to schedule and figure out kids' activities, doc appointments, and do the food and home item shopping...which takes up a lot of time.

Slb22 · July 2014

We are pretty 50/50. We both just do what needs to be done. With the exception of snow removal ( I hate the cold, he loves it) and he cleans the shower. I just hate cleaning the shower. I will dust because he never thinks of it. Otherwise we just divide and conquer when things need to be done.

Whoever is home first cooks dinner, the other does the dishes. I make pedi appointments etc and he takes care of car maintenece. He does DC drop off and I pick up

Mustardseed2007 · July 2014

Slb22 said:

We are pretty 50/50. We both just do what needs to be done. With the exception of snow removal ( I hate the cold, he loves it) and he cleans the shower. I just hate cleaning the shower. I will dust because he never thinks of it. Otherwise we just divide and conquer when things need to be done. Whoever is home first cooks dinner, the other does the dishes. I make pedi appointments etc and he takes care of car maintenece. He does DC drop off and I pick up

At first I read pedi apps as like mani/pedi rather than the usual bump abbreviation for pediatrician. I wish mani/pedis were a basic chore...

Slb22 · July 2014

Haha how can we make it so mani/pedis are basic chores?!

thedash · July 2014

I think our overall responsibilities are about 50/50. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking but I do all things kid related. He may give the occasional bath or put one to bed but mostly it's me. We have weekly cleaning help but I do most cleaning in between and laundry.

exhibitv · July 2014

I think we have a somewhat even split, but it's hard to tell based on the chores we do. We hire out cleaning and yard work. I "cook" (if you can call it that), do grocery shopping, and do most of DD's evening care (I come home earlier). He pays all the bills, usually helps with dinner clean up, bathes and gets DD ready for bed. I get a lot more out of him if I ask for it (which is kind of exhausting to be always having to ask) but that includes picking up clutter, otherwise it all piles up. I mostly hate being the one to always ask for help (waking him up when DD wakes up on weekends, telling him when we need to be home for her nap, etc.) The only thing that is done without prompting is probably the bill paying and DD night routine since those are things he enjoys.

amber0529 · July 2014

All he does is cook dinner, occasionally take the trash out, takes trash to the road & he used to do all mowing but he's slacking on that. He'll also stop at the grocery store occasionally.
I do all care of DS, all household cleaning, pay bills & the majority of errands.
Makes for quite a bit of arguing lately...

rodiesmum · July 2014

We have a small house so that helps. DH takes care of cleaning and maintaining cars. Cleaning and mopping the living area and the bathroom. He also sometimes helps in dishwashing too when im too tired.

ccam · July 2014

I'd say we're 50/50. We don't really have assigned jobs or anything (although he does always mow the lawn and I always cook). We pretty much just work together until it's all done. Neither of us sits until everything is done at night.

jennyelf · July 2014

DH does all the laundry (including diapers), day to day cleaning, and yardwork stuff. I handle all things food related (groceries, meal prep, etc.) I also do all pickups and drop-offs (daycare is 1 mile from my office, 20 miles from his). It feels like an even enough split. We have a housecleaner come by once a month for the deep cleaning which has made a huge difference in our lives.

potbellypig · July 2014

Hubs does: "dream feed" and morning feed for DS, takes DD out to play after work when he can, kitty litter, puts the laundry in the dryer when I forget, takes the trash/recycling out, and any odd jobs around the house or yard.

I do: food shopping, meals, making lunches, tidying, organizing, laundry and getting the kids ready in the morning.

We split things like bath time for the kids.

We have a cleaning lady who comes every two weeks to "deep clean" and every week we have someone come to cut the grass as DH works 6am-9pm 6-7 days a week most weeks in the summer.

I don't know the breakdown, but to me it feels like 50/50.

vvvvvfee · July 2014

we are split about 50/50 (DH probably even does more than 50%). we both work F/T and do not have a housecleaner or lawn service.

DH: wash floors, wash dishes, vacuum, mow lawn, scoop cat litter, minor home repairs, drop off DS at DC in the morning (my mother picks him up), shovel snow

Me: laundry, cooking, grocery/household/pet-related shopping, declutter/neaten/file papers, dust, bathrooms, deep clean

both: load/empty dishwasher, take out garbage/recycling, yard work, feed cats, childcare, pay bills

dglvrk2 · July 2014

*sparky* said:
DH really slacked off for a while but I have to say now that we have the 2nd kid he has totally stepped it up. I ended up making a checklist for the evenings of everything that needed to be done and we check things off as they go. It made him realize, I think, how little he was doing when he saw all of the things that needed to be done on a nightly basis. Now he always make sure he checks some things off On the list.

He works kind of late during the week so there are a lot of things he is not really able to help with but on the weekends he's been a rock star. Today he did all the laundry, went grocery shopping and fixed two of our toilets. And he made dinner.

He was not always like this so I am so happy he has become so much more helpful. Oh, and for the most part we really don't have his vs. hers chores, although he handles all mowing and snow removal. But on the day-to-day stuff we will each just do whatever needs to be done.

You could be writing about my DH :-) I think when we first had DD1, he wasn't certain about what to do and was hesitant to try. Since DD1 was about a year old, he's really become an active parent. He travels a lot. When home, the work is split 50/50. I do more work w DD2. She's 6 months old and I'm almost EBFing. In general though, it's quite even.

itsmevkb · July 2014

I don't think we have a 50/50 split and probably if I start to really list things I'll find that I do less, even though often times I feel like I'm doing more. My husband is a college professor so he has an odd work schedule of having long breaks and then even during the school year, teaching only two days out of the week and being able to do all his other research and writing when he has time.

So, with that, he does most of the drop-offs and pick-ups. He also gets the kids up in the morning, gets them dressed and makes breakfast far more often than I do. Although he will often times make dinner I am the one who meal plans and does most of the grocery shopping. I do all of the shopping for everything else in the house and all of the kid's clothes and even end up buying most of his clothes. I do the kid's laundry and my own but not his. I handle the school schedule, review homework, sign permission slips, etc. but he makes most of the doctor appointments and takes the kids to them. Cleaning wise we have someone come every other week to clean and in between we both sort of do things. I do more dishes and load the dishwasher more often than he does but he always empties it. He takes out the garbage and recycling. I sweep the kitchen floor and clean up the counters. We share putting the kids to bed but he does more baths than I do and also changes more diapers. I organize all of the kid's clothes, stashing smaller sizes, seasonal changes, etc. I plan all the birthday parties, Christmas, vacations, etc. He does all the yard work except that I plant the garden.

I often times have people ask me how I handle working full-time while having four kids and I always respond that it's doable because of my husband.

dashofreality · July 2014

Well I do a lot more with the kids and house, but he works a lot more. If you just looked at things like cleaning/cooking/kids then yes I 'do' more, but I dropped down to working PT and my husband has been working 60 - 90 hours a week. When he is home though he does the yardwork, car maintenance, helps clean, helps with the kids and we usually split on the weekends and each take a day sleeping in.

Generally speaking though, we are both pretty happy about the amount of work that the other does, and if we feel that the other is slacking or that we need help, we try and talk about it.

jellybean529 · July 2014

When I was married, we shared things 50/50. Now that I'm a single mom it's 110% me. :-P

DiveFrog · July 2014

There is flexibility and both of us has been known to do something off the others "list", because first and foremost we try and act like the team we are and adults who realize that it's not always going to be able to be 50/50 depending on what is going on in our lives. Case in point I traveled for work every week Jan-April this year and DH was doing pretty much everything but Laundry and cooking, and we hired out snow removal.

Generally though:

DH, feeds the dog, maintains the yard, maintains our in-ground pool, does snow removal, takes out the trash and recycling, unloads and loads the dishwasher and cleans the bathrooms and kitchen. He does around 99% of all DD's drop offs and pick ups. He makes and packs his own breakfast and lunch He also, does all the maintenance work at our rental property

I do laundry, cook, clean up after dinner (food, not dishes), make beds, dust, vacuum, pay the bills/handle all family paperwork, clothes and shoe shop for the entire family, organize and pack bag for DD daily, give DD baths, do all the gift shopping, thank you notes, holiday and birthday cards, Appointment scheduling etc.

We trade off on doing DD's bedtime routine, we both do grocery shopping/errands, DH does a bit more of the house projects like putting up new light fixtures, or fixing a toilet, but we both work on larger remodeling projects together.

KayteeGee · July 2014

OMG. I am so spoiled.
We have a housekeeper and gardener.
DH does: Grocery shopping, 90% of cooking/meal prep, pool maintenance, trash, his own laundry, handles all the bills and investments, I'd say 50% of the kitchen/meal clean up, all the work with the contractors (remodeling), anything "handy" ... probably more.
I do: my & DS laundry, DS drop off/pick up, 85% of DS bath/bed routines, DS general maintenance (toy clean up, clothes and supply shopping etc...).
Dear lord... DH even makes me lunch probably three times a week.
OMG. I need to do more.

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How much do they do?

Re: How much do they do?

BFP#1 10/11/11 - DD born 6/6/12; BFP#2 7/6/13 - Due 3/8/13, MMC at 12w D&C on 8/31/13;

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BFP#1 10/11/11 - DD born 6/6/12;
BFP#2 7/6/13 - Due 3/8/13, MMC at 12w D&C on 8/31/13;