Beyond Angry - Inlaw vent

LexiT88 · July 2014

So today my FIL decided he would drop by to help DH work on putting up a fence for the backyard (long story short: MIL found this fence used online, asked if we wanted to buy it, we said no we did not want to mess with it right now/we didn't have the funds, they bought it anyway and we now owe them $1000, already upset over this since they do not have the funds either). DH was continuing to use the sliding glass door to the back, which I have asked him not to use over 100x since DS knows how to open it. Well DH used it again, left the door open and DS fell down the small flight of BRICK stairs. Thankfully he is not hurt, just a few scrapes and scratches, but of course it could have been worse. Needless to say I was furious, went outside and yelled at DH for using the sliding door and took DS in the house to address his scrapes.

5 minutes later FIL comes in the house yelling for MIL to leave (they were about halfway done with the fence). DH followed him in the house telling him to let it go (since he knows that he shouldn't have been using the door in the first place), he came in screaming at me that I shouldn't be yelling/cursing at DH because it is DS' FAULT THAT HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS (DS is 22 months old). I told him he was F****** crazy and to get the F out of my house. I have dealt with a lot from both of my Inlaws, I could seriously go on for days, but today is seriously the last time. I am at the point where I want to tell DH to find a new job so we can move because I have had it.

I'm sure I overreacted since I'm pregnant/hormonal/in pain, but I'm not going to lie, it felt good to not hold my tongue for once...

RedBaramid · July 2014

I've recently hit the tipping point with my FIL, who is very lazy and disrespectful. He makes fun of DH for helping me out around the house with stuff because it's not manly, and it's my job, I am the wife. He's a 40 something year old man who can't be left alone with his 7 year old for more than an hour without calling me, or his wife, or his older daughter and asking them to come home and deal with her because she is annoying and wants too much attention. He also can't feed himself unless it's steak. He also refuses my cooking because it's not Georgian/Russian. His wife works more than him, makes at least triple what he makes, and is expected to run the house completely on her own... (We are all convinced she has Stockholm syndrome at this point)

I've started to respond to his asshole comments with my own.. he retaliates by pretending I don't exist which is awkward and funny because I like it better that way.

As a person with an evil FIL, I salute you.

bumpuser10199668 · July 2014

I'm confused. If your husband was outside building a fence and coming in and out.....who was responsible for watching the 22 month old...you or him?

Also, I don't understand how using or not using the sliding glass door matters since you say your son knows how to open the door.

amom2four · July 2014

We have a bar that is mounted in the frame of the door and swings down on a hinge to wedge against the door that slides, if you don't want your little guy opening the door it may be a good solution. Also working on going down the stairs with him and holding railings or sitting while going down the stairs. At nearly 2, he will be encountering stairs in a lot of places and it will ease your worry when you have another lo to keep tabs on.

wrightpalomo · July 2014

@CarmAlarm‌ I imagine if her husband wasn't using the door it would have been locked?

Djcieply · July 2014

CarmAlarm said:

I'm confused. If your husband was outside building a fence and coming in and out.....who was responsible for watching the 22 month old...you or him?

Also, I don't understand how using or not using the sliding glass door matters since you say your son knows how to open the door.

Im assuming she had it shut/locked somehow so her DS could not open the door and her DH unbaby proofed it without telling her. This situation could happen really easily with a toddler so trying to flame her for not watching him is kind of shitty. Though if this is an ongoing problem that her DH always uses the door, then the toddler needs to learn how to safely go down these stairs.

LexiT88 · July 2014

The door is usually locked and has a bar. We have an alternate door that is used for going out back. DS knows how to use stairs but it still concerns me with the brick because he falls easily. DH knows he messed up which is why he was upset with FIL intruding in the first place.

ashaw512 · July 2014

Regardless of who's fault it is, your FIL shouldn't have yelled at you and I hope he didn't do it in front of your DS. I definitely would have lost my shit but your DH should have handled the situation with him talking to you the way he did, that is HIS father. And why the hell would they pay $1000 for a fence that neither you nor them have the money for and declined?!

LexiT88 · July 2014

ambershaw512 said:
Regardless of who's fault it is, your FIL shouldn't have yelled at you and I hope he didn't do it in front of your DS. I definitely would have lost my shit but your DH should have handled the situation with him talking to you the way he did, that is HIS father. And why the hell would they pay $1000 for a fence that neither you nor them have the money for and declined?!

Like I said I could go on for days about things they have done that I do not understand. Crappy part is they brought it over for DH birthday, acting like it was a gift, then said we could pay them back when we have the money.

I understand FIL being mad at me for yelling at DH, but saying that DS was the one responsible for the door/falling is what sent me flying over the edge.

rlyttle · July 2014

In laws are tough. My MIL is a nut case. I've had to really get on her a few times. Now things are much better between us. I think now she knows not to F with me because I won't take her shit like everyone else. They live 2 hours away though, so we have a nice buffer. Try not to let them get to you. That's only giving them power over you. You hold the power here girl.... Your house, your DS, your DH, your rules.... Period!

ashaw512 · July 2014

LexiT88 said:

ambershaw512 said:
Regardless of who's fault it is, your FIL shouldn't have yelled at you and I hope he didn't do it in front of your DS. I definitely would have lost my shit but your DH should have handled the situation with him talking to you the way he did, that is HIS father. And why the hell would they pay $1000 for a fence that neither you nor them have the money for and declined?!
Like I said I could go on for days about things they have done that I do not understand. Crappy part is they brought it over for DH birthday, acting like it was a gift, then said we could pay them back when we have the money.

I understand FIL being mad at me for yelling at DH, but saying that DS was the one responsible for the door/falling is what sent me flying over the edge.

We'll the way I see it, your house, your husband, your baby, and your FIL doesn't get to act like that. If I wanna get upset and yell at my husband my ILs sure as hell aren't going to step in because I'm his wife. I'm sorry you have "those" in laws. And glad your DS is okay.

LSN8308 · July 2014

DS's fault? ???? Wow. Imo your DH needs to be a little more assertive when it comes to keeping his dad in check about what boundaries he cant cross.

Glad ur little one is ok

kaleb87 · July 2014

I'm sorry you had this experience. It was bad enough your ds fell, that is enough to make any day bad. Then to have your FIL act that way is totally out of line. I'm sure after falling your ds was shook up enough and didn't need your FIL to come in and start drama. I hope your night gets better and that this doesn't flame into anything between you and your DH.
I know it can be hard with a toddler, I have a dd that turned 2 in March and my goodness, if she is on a mission then she will accomplish it. So I know how hard it is to constantly keep everything baby proofed, you have my sympathy.

bumpuser10199668 · July 2014

Djcieply said:

CarmAlarm said:

I'm confused. If your husband was outside building a fence and coming in and out.....who was responsible for watching the 22 month old...you or him?

Also, I don't understand how using or not using the sliding glass door matters since you say your son knows how to open the door.

Im assuming she had it shut/locked somehow so her DS could not open the door and her DH unbaby proofed it without telling her. This situation could happen really easily with a toddler so trying to flame her for not watching him is kind of shitty. Though if this is an ongoing problem that her DH always uses the door, then the toddler needs to learn how to safely go down these stairs.

Not trying to flame, asking for clarification before responding is a good idea if you don't understand. Which I didn't, so I did. The sliding door thing is an accident IMO on everyone's part so I don't see a need to complain about tht with her.

The bigger issue to me is the fil buying a fence against her will and coming in yelling .
Not everyone wants to be a grand in debt and that is seriously fucked up to me that he would put you in that position especially with a LO on the way.

Djcieply · July 2014

CarmAlarm said:

CarmAlarm said:

I'm confused. If your husband was outside building a fence and coming in and out.....who was responsible for watching the 22 month old...you or him?

Also, I don't understand how using or not using the sliding glass door matters since you say your son knows how to open the door.

Im assuming she had it shut/locked somehow so her DS could not open the door and her DH unbaby proofed it without telling her. This situation could happen really easily with a toddler so trying to flame her for not watching him is kind of shitty. Though if this is an ongoing problem that her DH always uses the door, then the toddler needs to learn how to safely go down these stairs.
Not trying to flame, asking for clarification before responding is a good idea if you don't understand. Which I didn't, so I did. The sliding door thing is an accident IMO on everyone's part so I don't see a need to complain about tht with her. The bigger issue to me is the fil buying a fence against her will and coming in yelling . Not everyone wants to be a grand in debt and that is seriously fucked up to me that he would put you in that position especially with a LO on the way.

@CarmAlarm ok, I just misunderstood the tone of your response then. I thought the direction you were about to go was a whole "why werent you watching him" kind of thing.

OP your FIL is crazy #1 to buy you a fence you already said you didnt want and then expect you to pay him back #2 to think it is a 22 month old's fault for falling down the stairs, when his son was the one that unbaby proofed the door. #3 for coming in YOUR house and yelling at YOU. I would be extremely pissed at my DH for letting something like that happen in my house. I would definitely avoid my inlaws for a very long time and my FIL would not be allowed in my house again.

bumpuser10199668 · July 2014

^wss about being pissed at DH. How is he handling this??

LexiT88 · July 2014

DH and I are already over the argument. We were able to have a discussion after everyone left about how he will not be using the door and how he can step up when I ask him to do things, especially since I am only asking for the safety of our DS. DH is absolutely pissed at FIL, he actually made him come apologize to me after they finished putting up the fence. I just said ok...but DH and I are not planning on spending any time with the inlaws anytime soon now (which is a big step since they seem to come over so frequently since they only live 30 minutes away). I'm not sure what exactly is going to happen from here, MIL and FIL were supposed to come stay with DS while I was in the hospital in September, I think I will be asking my mother to come up instead to stay with DS which will definitely be more difficult to line up since she is 4 states away. FIL has proven to show time after time he does not know the difference between an adult and a child (used to get mad at me for nursing DS when he was 5 months old, thought he was old enough for pepsi and cookies instead), so this is not a new issue.

And yes I am absolutely pissed about the fence. I am not planning on going back to work after this LO arrives so they are going to have to wait it out quite a while before we can pay them for it. Not our fault since we specifically asked them not to buy it.

PS I apologize for all of the grammatical errors, I cannot type when I'm angry. Hah

LexiT88 · July 2014

Thank you ladies for all of the support, it is wonderful knowing I am not the only one dealing with crazy in laws. I feel for all of you!

ashaw512 · July 2014

@LexiT88‌ since I'm a bitch I wouldn't pay them for the fence since it was a birthday present. They bought they need to figure out a way to pay for it.

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