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January 2013 Moms
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Mamas of spirited LOs, come in (S/O chicken or egg)

Sep5BrideSep5Bride member
edited July 2014 in January 2013 Moms
Hi ladies,

The chicken or egg question has been on my mind, even before the post was written. DH and I are both very calm, level-headed people, but we have been blessed with a very "spirited" little girl. She is super happy, affectionate, and loving, but when she doesn't get her way she throws tantrums like you wouldn't believe. She's very active and very social, and her verbal skills are excellent for a 17-month-old, but I am having the hardest time managing these tantrums. I calmly try to redirect her, distract her, explain to her why she can't do or have something, and give her notice before we change activities, but when she gets upset it's like she can no longer hear anything I say. She screams and cries and makes her body limp so you can't pick her up. I haven't tried time outs because I can't quite picture how this would work, or how I would get her to stay in the time out for a minute.

Any other mamas with spirited LOs have advice on what has worked for you? For those who have used time outs, can you explain more specifically where you put your LO and how you get them to stay there?

Thanks everybody!

 

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Re: Mamas of spirited LOs, come in (S/O chicken or egg)

  • ambmamaambmama member

    We actually jokingly call DS a crazy man. He is NON-STOP energy all of the time. He can be sweet but isn't one to cuddle - he wants to run and play. He definitely is passionate with his emotions, too - if we bring him inside before he's ready, for example, it's a meltdown. They are still little and don't fully comprehend why they can't have their way, so I try to explain it but ultimately use redirection to capture his attention and get him over it. Sometimes it works, sometimes we have a cry and stomp session for a few minutes. I think it's pretty age appropriate and I would be surprised to hear of a mama that doesn't have tantrums. Sorry that I don't have great advice, but I definitely understand!

    BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12

    BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks

    BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14


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  • brachysirabrachysira member
    We had the worst tantrums a few months ago and they are already better.  I think she is just getting better at understanding and self control.  She still screams when things are taken away, etc. but she tends to be slightly less obsessive and tantrums are shorter.  I'm sure these things go in waves and we'll have a different and more terrible scenario soon.  We have not used time outs.  It seems like that would just escalate things and I just don't see the benefit in having a long screaming battle about sitting in a chair at this point.  With previous tantrums, I just ignore, use my physical strength to pick her limp body up if there is danger, and let her get over it.  I redirect when possible, explain when she can listen, and leave a place if necessary.  
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  • this decaf lifethis decaf life member
    If anything, when correcting DD, I lower my voice. I get down to her level and very calmly explain what and why I don't approve of what she's doing, I know I have a bad temper sometimes so lowering my voice helps me to not escalate things.

    Time outs are on my lap/in my arms right now and only last 1 minute. I can't get her to sit down without using too much force and I try to keep it as simple as possible, just do what it takes to help her calm down. I don't entertain her but I explain what a time out means [a chance to calm down and think about things] and that we don't approve of whatever behavior she was doing that got her in trouble. 

    I know she doesn't fully understand but I think making time outs part of our days now will make it easier to stick with them as she grows up. I think there is a lot of value in teaching a child how and when to step back for a minute to reflect.
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  • DCKateDCKate member
    this decaf life said:

    If anything, when correcting DD, I lower my voice. I get down to her level and very calmly explain what and why I don't approve of what she's doing, I know I have a bad temper sometimes so lowering my voice helps me to not escalate things.


    Time outs are on my lap/in my arms right now and only last 1 minute. I can't get her to sit down without using too much force and I try to keep it as simple as possible, just do what it takes to help her calm down. I don't entertain her but I explain what a time out means [a chance to calm down and think about things] and that we don't approve of whatever behavior she was doing that got her in trouble. 

    I know she doesn't fully understand but I think making time outs part of our days now will make it easier to stick with them as she grows up. I think there is a lot of value in teaching a child how and when to step back for a minute to reflect.
    I think the time out helps the parent as well. I've definitely had some moments with DD lately where I stopped, took a deep breath, counted to 5 and started again.

    Our little Samosa arrives in January!
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  • this decaf lifethis decaf life member
    DCKate said:
    If anything, when correcting DD, I lower my voice. I get down to her level and very calmly explain what and why I don't approve of what she's doing, I know I have a bad temper sometimes so lowering my voice helps me to not escalate things.

    Time outs are on my lap/in my arms right now and only last 1 minute. I can't get her to sit down without using too much force and I try to keep it as simple as possible, just do what it takes to help her calm down. I don't entertain her but I explain what a time out means [a chance to calm down and think about things] and that we don't approve of whatever behavior she was doing that got her in trouble. 

    I know she doesn't fully understand but I think making time outs part of our days now will make it easier to stick with them as she grows up. I think there is a lot of value in teaching a child how and when to step back for a minute to reflect.
    I think the time out helps the parent as well. I've definitely had some moments with DD lately where I stopped, took a deep breath, counted to 5 and started again.
    Exactly, I'm trying to use it to teach her that even when she's older sometimes she'll need a "time out." I just don't have a better word to explain it but we do them together. 

    I also get upset/yell sometimes but I always make sure to apologize.
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