Scaredy Cat TTC

urbancountrymommy · July 2014

Hi everyone! My question is, how far in advance did you plan before TTC? Did you feel like you had enough time? Did you or DH ever waver in your decision to have kids?

You should know I'm a nervous ninny and super planner by nature. DH and I are planning to TTC August of next year. Having babies has been a long and hard decision for us to make. We're 28, wrapped up in work, school, and very soon student teaching, so all the planning is trying to figure out how to make everything work around the baby (I guess we should get used to that), but it's starting to stress us out. Sometimes I just feel like we don't have enough time to plan (job changes, insurance, debt/savings, time, maternity leave, etc.) and started thinking maybe we should wait another year?

Jags8 · July 2014

DH and I originally were going to TTC last October. Then I chickened out. DH was super bummed. But I needed more time. If for any reason you feel you need more time, take it. You have plenty of time!

LtColumbo · July 2014

Wait, so you are planning to TTC in August of 2015 and you don't think you have enough time to plan? Keep in mind it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive, so you can't really plan exactly when you will get knocked up - that can be hard on "super planners."

For us, we waited until we were married 3 years to start TTC. But we are also in our 30's and were already settled into our careers and in a good place financially, it was more about us being ready mentally. You're 28, so honestly if you aren't ready next summer, waiting another year isn't going to hurt anything.

DaikokuJess · July 2014

H and I were together nearly 12 years before we decided we were ready. For a while we had this list of "requirements" before TTC (our own house, no debt whatsoever, $xxx in savings, etc.). After a while we chopped our requirement list down to 1: the ability to afford healthcare for a child. I was so ready and so excited; until that day came when we realized we had met our requirement. Then, both of us sort of doubted ourselves. We were so used to life as it had been for so long. The cold feet didn't last long and now we're both super excited for the day we get to be parents.

Move forward at the pace that feels right for you and your H.

rlpointer · July 2014

DH and I weren't quite married a full year when we got pregnant with our first. It was planned. We had decided that we were ready. We were financially stable and buying a house, so we knew we had what we needed in order to take care of our daughter. As far as being emotionally ready, we were definitely there. DH had more doubts than I did but in the end, you forget about all of that once your kid is born. Life will definitely change but it will change for the better. Things will be hard at first but soon enough you will get into a pattern that works for your whole family. Yes your life completely changes but you don't have to give up on all your old goals and dreams just because of a baby. And don't worry about trying to plan around a baby. Planning with a kid is sometimes really hard but it'll just be second nature after awhile. There are instincts that kick in that you didn't even know you had (maybe not right away but eventually they will).

IrisPetals · July 2014

There's never a right time, never enough money, and no matter how much you plan, PPS are right, all bets are off when baby makes debut.
That being said, if there's absolute "must dos" on your list, get them done before TTC. But don't overplan, you'll be sorely disappointed when your plans fall apart. Learn to be flexible with your plans.

I'm hitting 30, DH is only 25. We live in a tiny 1 bdrm apt, we still have a little bit of debt, I've got the car while he's got a motorcycle, and he's still in school. Our plan was to wait a yr after getting married, evaluate our finances, house hunt, etc. Well all that went out the window when I had a massive case of baby fever (I've had it for yrs but it got so bad I was crying at work seeing a pregnant client come in for a prenatal massage). We had a heart - heart talk. Came to realize, we've already got what we need for a baby - roof over our heads, food on the table, jobs, vehicle, enough money to not go poor in the event of a baby. 6 months into our marriage & on cycle 3 of ttc. He's just as enthusiastic as I am, no doubt in either of our minds.

Point is like I said before, don't plan so much that you lose out time. Other ladies say you've got plenty of time. Honestly, at 28 I felt the world caving in on my bio clock. Some women go til 40 before they want ttc, and that works for them. I personally have never felt age alone should be a factor in ttc.

urbancountrymommy · July 2014

Thank you so much for your responses, ladies!!! Some were so sweet and reassuring (which I really needed) and some really made DH and I think it through some more from a different perspective; very helpful insight. Again, thank you! ❤️

Unknown · July 2014

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SchoolPsychSteph · July 2014

I hear the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans. To each their own, but my philosophy is you figure it out with both feet in.

cakeisgood · July 2014

SchoolPsychSteph said:
I hear the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans.

Haha totally agree

catlover790 · July 2014

My DH and I had a plan when we got married about when we would TTC, that was a few years ago. Then there were layoffs and new jobs to deal with, and we are having trouble conceiving so it's taking us longer than we had hoped it would.

So, even though you can plan and have savings sometimes unexpected things come up and life needs to go on. We never expected to have to pay for IF treatments either, so there is so much that can't be planned for.

I think if you are ready emotionally and have some savings and retirement then you should TTC when you want to! In our experience I almost wish we had started when we originally planned because it's taking us longer anyway, but hindsight is 20/20 and we can't go back! Just know that life happens and it's good to plan (coming from a fellow super planner) but I've learned that I can't prepare for everything either. Good luck!

eta: fix wording

catwine · July 2014

We had originally planned to TTC after we had been married for 4 years. But then around our 1 year anniversary we decided to try sooner. For us there are always going to be home repairs to do, so waiting for them to all be completed before TTC was sort of unrealistic. But we set some reno goals that can easily be done in 9 months if I were to get pregnant now. We were both emotionally ready when we talked about TTC 10 months ago and I think we are both MORE ready after 5 months of trying.

urbancountrymommy · July 2014

Soo... update! DH and I talked, and talked, and then talked some more... aaand, we've decided to start TTC this September.

Thank you to everyone for your advice and experiences! We realized that we do have good jobs, make great money, and the health insurance now is better now than it will ever be in the future, so really the only thing standing in our way is we are just scared. @christinafromflanders‌ - I love how you said you are MORE ready now.

I think we are emotionally ready now, and once we start trying, especially if it doesn't happen right away, we'll become more ready too.

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