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I suppose my daughter doesn't matter to anyone

inthelostinthelost member
in Single Parents
Oh my god...now that I FINALLY had proof that Liliana is Ryan's why did I set my expectations up and thought his family would finally care now? I sent a message to his sister asking if she wanted to finally meet Lily. She actually responded "yes" that she would like to so I gave her my phone number and told her to call me when she wanted to meet her, and we could set something up and that I'd be happy to bring Lily to her if she would just ask to see her. That was almost a week ago and I never got another response back.  I tried to reach his mom yesterday, and she didn't even send me ANY kind of acknowledgment at all. I was nice too: I just said if you're ever interested in seeing your granddaughter and getting to know her, that I would love that because I want my daughter to know her whole family, even if Ryan isn't intrested in her, that I couldn't penalize them for his bad decisions. But I recieve nothing back. I guess to be fair, Ryan's dad DID call me, but he was trying to call a mechanic or something he said "yea, we saw the results. Thanks. We'll be in touch" and hung up. um...wtf?

I know my daughter deserves better than this. And I know I love her enough for everyone. but...this still really hurts, and I don't know how to make it stop. Not one single person cares or wants to acknoledge that my daughter exsists? I can't believe that in his whole family, not one person gives a damn or think that my daughter doesn't matter! I'm trying to open every door possible for my daughter's sake so that she can know ALL her family and I'm getting nothing in return. This is the worst kind of rejection ever. I know that his parents have pictures everywhere all over their house of their other grandchildren...but I guess we get to pick and choose which grandchildren we love, right? The fact that they don't even acknowledge it...just wow. I really thought I'd hear something from them after the results: but nope. 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me. And I know logically it's stupid and I should move on. And I know i'm so so so so so stupid for thinking that the sheet of paper with proof on it saying that she IS his would change their minds, but I did. It's my fault: I keep being stupid. I keep thinking impossible things and thinking stupid thoughts. I shouldn't have set my expectations up. I did my part by trying to open a door: I'm done trying. I'm going to stop being so f****ing stupid and just stop...I know I've been so so stupid the past 19 moths....


Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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Re: I suppose my daughter doesn't matter to anyone

  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    Ok hang on a sec. You have had a lot of time to process this. They have had 1 week. That's not much time at all. And you don't know what he is telling them. He might be saying that he doesn't want them anywhere near you guys. I know that's what my dad did and my dumb family actually listened and regretted it (so they said 26 years later after I found them). Give it some time but yes, definitely lower or erase all expectations cause those are just setting you up to be disappointed in people. Oh and also they might be trying to figure out how to deal with this cause their other grand kids may have been a completely different situation.
    Give them time.
    I should add. When I first found my grandmother she didn't know I would be coming one day out of the blue. But when I showed up she pulled out newspaper clippings of me and a letter from my maternal grandmother. This was in her purse for 26 years! She cried like crazy. And guess what? I'm lucky if I see her or she calls like twice per year. Ugh. All those theatrics for nothing. Makes me sad but I've learned not to expect anything more from my dad and his family. They just plain suck. All of them.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Im with @freeatlast2014 give them some time. By the way i know how sucky it is to have their family reject your kid.

    Bd and his parents give no fucks about bentley. This use to really bother me but not anymore. There are so many people in my life who love b and want to be involved with him that hes not missing love. His bd and paternal grand parents are missing out on bs love.

    But remember give them time to come to terms with everything
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  • inthelostinthelost member
    edited July 2014
    Thanks everyone. It's been two weeks since the results came back, but the first week I didn't start trying to contact them until after a week, then I started with his sister. and I only tried his mom yesterday. but they've known about her this whole time, his parents have met her before. It's just hard to believe that she won't even acknowledge my attempt to contact her, two weeks after the fact...and no I don't think a little acknowledgment it's "too much" to expect from her own relatives...but we'll never get it. so whatever. moving on i guess. I guess I guess I'm the crazy one expecting her family to accept her afterall, I shouldn't have those high expectations...
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    Luckily Lily has you in her corner. 

    Once they've had time to process, they will hopefully come around. Who knows, maybe they're keeping their distance because Ryan told them to, or maybe they're trying to convince him to man up. 
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    I agree.  Who knows, maybe in a few months they'll turn into smotherers and you'll miss this time when they were still processing the information.  Though, I wouldn't wish that on anyone either.

    Take some time to relax and to know that Lily has you and right now YOU ARE ALL SHE NEEDS.  Maybe for a few more years, maybe forever.  I have friends who never knew their fathers or their father's families and they turned out just fine.  In fact, they love their mothers more than anyone could love a mother.  Keep your head up @inthelost. *hugs*
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  • HelenahhandbasketHelenahhandbasket member

    I don't know your whole backstory, but that must really hurt.  I would probably be feeling exactly the same way.

    But you know what?  Your lovely DD matters to YOU.  She's important to YOU.  I know it's easy to get caught up in feeling bad about the situation, but if you can but that energy into showing your DD how special she is, she will be one lucky little girl.

    Creepy internet hugs.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    edited July 2014
    Plus...if they don't really want to be around your DD, do you really want to force it? Just keep her surounded by the people who genuinely love her! It's their loss, not hers!
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  • ladyorizaladyoriza member
    I don't have any advice, but I understand to an extent. STBXH's family acknowledges DS as theirs but they haven't contacted me once to check on him or see him since we separated. They see the others daily. It hurts that because they're mad at me they are shunning him. It's ridiculous in both situations. Who gives a shit what they think about us? It's these babies they should care about.
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