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November 2014 Moms
sAAmFam
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A-hole in-laws
sAAmFam
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I'm due on 18th and the MIL and FIL just txt us yesterday saying they are going to Florida in beginning of November. So not only will they NOT be here for thanksgiving or Christmas they will also not be here for baby. Selfish!!!!!! And I have to live behind these people on the next road over. I'm about to throw a for sale sign in the front yard!!! X(
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Re: A-hole in-laws
N14 Nov. Siggy: CELEBRATION!
My SIL, on the other hand, who we have already asked to be a godparent, just booked a vacation for the week I was hoping to have the baptism. I haven't said anything, but I'm slightly annoyed. My MIL suggested a "stand in." I said no, I will wait until SIL gets back, but that means I may have to wait until after the new year. I know many people wait a few months to baptize, but I'm not comfortable with that and would like it done sooner rather than later (old school traditional).
As for your situation, I do understand why you're miffed, but honestly I would probably be more upset if it were MY parents. I don't care as much that it's ILs, as awful as that sounds.
They have their own life. And while a new grandchild coming into the world is exciting and awesome, it is far more important that you and your parnter are around for the baby than the grandparents. They will see the baby. But it isn't like it does much other than sleep, eat, and expel right away. Sometimes people aren't jumping at the bit to be around tiny babies for a variety of reasons. And that's okay.
Now, if they always missed or skipped out on things during your relationship and attended or were available for those moments in everyone else's lives, that is a different story. Or if they are reneging on an already established agreement. But if that isn't what is going on, while it is disappointing for you, it doesn't make them a holes.
@-)
I can't believe how different my family is from the comments I've read lol. As a whole, we must be the UO
I'm not, personally, demanding that everyone be at the hospital the instant the kid is born HOWEVER...I can't avoid it lol. (With the exception of my dad) my entire family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) are extremely close on BOTH sides and I've already been told that the minute they all get the call, they're heading to the hospital and meeting us there. That from relatives that live 2 & 3 hours away even.
I understand that everyone has their own life, but I guess I'm just used to how my own family acts...basically like my child is the second coming lol. A big deal is made constantly about him and how excited everyone is for him to be here. (tbh, it can get annoying, but it's still nice
)
They might visit the hospital for a short amount of time hours after the birth, but won't visit at the house until you give them the go-ahead because they want to allow time to adjust.
And they also stress that you need to bond and get your roles down, because you are the parent, and while they are willing to help if needed, they've already done that and you have to learn the ropes.
Doesn't mean my family is not beyond excited for the baby.
The elaborate...I wasn't trying to paint the picture that my family is rude lol. If I would have intervened and said "No, I don't want people around" at any point...they'd not come. They just do it because, with us, that's how every situation is and they know for the most part it's ok.
AGAIN, that's just how we are though. Whatever works for different families is great!
As for as OP goes, I'm sorry you have to deal with that
They ended up changing their plans (going in Sept instead), which is really sweet of them but wasn't something we asked them to do.
My dad commented on the fact that while he is very excited about becoming a grandpa, his world will not revolve around the bean. My world will, as will H's, as it should be, but we shouldn't expect everyone else to drop everything to run to our side (even though it is highly likely the grandmas will! But that's just how they are). I was a little taken aback when he first said this, but it actually makes a lot of sense.
I also don't think more intense families and increased presence in any way lessen your role as parent, or your assuming parental duties. My grand relatives had to be very self sufficient due to time, culture, and class. They sunk or swam, and kind of expected everyone else to they wouldn't let you drown though).
I can't imagine them not wanting to be around when baby comes, but I imagine they have a reason for it.
In my case, my IL had an international cruise planned (Tahiti, sigh) for thanksgiving, but canceled it when we told them about the baby. I feel awful, and tried to convince them to still go!
My folks are snow birds, and would typically be in FL over the winter. I'm not sure what they will do, but I wouldn't be mad at them if they went. I'd be upset, and sad, sure, but not mad. They wouldn't do that without a VERY good reason.
I feel stupid for complaining. Especially after I realized how nice it is when they aren't home. You guys are right. I'm sure this is a blessing in disguise. So I must be the a hole for not realizing that!
My family is very similar. DH's is not, hence why I'm not surprised they planned vacations and why I'm not as bothered.