Newbie intro -- apparently I have lots to share! loss mentioned

dirtyvegas · July 2014

Hi All,

Newbie here. Like many, I've been lurking around for a while, and I figured it was time to introduce myself. I feel like I've gained so much by reading all these threads. So, thanks for everything already!

My story (warning: loss mentioned and this might be long):

I'm 33; DH is 39. TTC since July 2012. In November 2013, I decided that it was finally time to get get things checked out. Thankfully, getting a referral to an RE was a fairly easy process. Saw the RE in January 2014. My bloodwork and Day 3 testing were all normal. DH's SA was normal. Good news was that everything looked normal, but it was also frustrating that our IF was just without explanation. In March, I went in for my HSG, which turned out normal, but not without weirdness. On the right side, the dye passed right through, but on the left, they basically had me turn on my side, lay on my stomach, tilt my pelvis up, turn my legs to one side then the other, and do all sorts of different positions to get things moving. Definitely not the most fun or comfortable experience when you're half naked with a catheter in you. It was like playing a game of naked twister by myself with two people watching.

I'm not sure if anyone else heard this from the technician during their HSG, but they told me that sometimes it can be therapeutic and help open up the tubes. And wouldn't you know it, in April I got a BFP. I had basically taken a pregnancy test on a whim because I had those little strip tests and was going to do an ovulation one anyways to start tracking. And, you know, why not throw a pregnancy test in there if you're going to be peeing in a cup anyways. I definitely wasn't expecting a positive. I was only about 7dpo and I had some heavy spotting mid-cycle, but I was guessing maybe I ovulated or something unexpectedly. When I went in from bloodwork 2 days later, my beta was 2,035, which was really high based on the timing of things, but hey, I wasn't going to complain! Our excitement was short-lived, though. When I went in 2 days later, my beta had dropped to 1,438, and two days after that, to 1,058. For the next 6 weeks, I was basically at the RE every few days for bloodwork that delivered the bad news that my beta levels were steadily dropping. The good news, though, was that it was dropping at a very steady rate. It's funny what you become thankful for or say "well, it's positive that .... " during IF treatment -- I'm thankful that our BFP was unexpected and the loss early. We only had 2 days of it feeling like it was *really* finally happening for us. Only 2 days of talking with realness about boys vs. girls, checking when my due date would be, how I was going to hide not drinking from friends and family, worrying about how we were really going to afford it, and all the other things that excite you and terrify you about having a baby. It was only 2 days at least. Don't get me wrong: It was completely and utterly devastating and isolating. But I also know that many have had it far worse than us.

One of the other positives to it was was it proved that I *could* get pregnant. Something that definitely weighs on me is that other than this, it was the first time that I've ever had a positive pregnancy test. I've never had even a pregnancy scare. Never in my entire life. Part of me feels like it was a cruel joke, but part of me knows that I still need to look for the positive signs.

The waiting afterwards was definitely the hardest part. The waiting is always the hardest part, and it always seems like I'm waiting for something... waiting to start treatment, waiting for test results, waiting to get my period.... Afterwards, I just wanted to move on and take the next steps, but I had to wait until my beta dropped below 6 and I got my period, which took about 6 weeks. Then, on my next cycle, we could start IUI. Which brings me to just about today. We just completed our first IUI on 7/5, and now I'm in the TWW. I stimmed with Gonal F and used Ovidrel to trigger. I had one good follicle develop, so here's to hoping!

It's so nice to meet you all. Thanks so much for sharing your stories and reading mine.

shirleymaeby · July 2014

Welcome!! My diagnosis is the same as yours but I've still never had a BFP. My best friend has unfortunately dealt with early loss a few times now so I know how much it must have hurt even if it was two days. Huge hugs for you and GL on this IUI. I had my first IUI 2 days before you so I am in the same agonizing waiting period as you are. FX for the both of us.

dirtyvegas · July 2014

@kmdecoux Thanks for the welcome! It's much appreciated. Best of luck to you too! The TWW is the worst. DH is traveling this week for work, so I've got way too much time on my hands, so obviously I'm trolling the TTTC boards.

ashtownyeah · July 2014

So sorry for your loss, and that you find yourself here. This is a great group of ladies with a wealth of knowledge and experiences. FX for a successful IUI for you!

AnnaClaire256 · July 2014

Welcome to 3T. You've come to a great place for support!

I'm so sorry for your loss but you're right, when you've never had a + test in your life, it's exciting just to know you can get pregnant! Hopefully this is your month and your stay here will be short and sweet!

dirtyvegas · July 2014

@AnnaClaire256 Thank you for the warm welcome!

@SnakeFisherBub A welcome to the board for you as well. I read your intro post. BTW, I love that pic in your sig. Gorgeous!

BunnyBerry · July 2014

Welcome to 3T!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are now able to TTC again.

masterofallcheese · July 2014

Welcome! I also had an early loss and know how sad that is to experience. Good luck!

JericaLH · July 2014

Welcome to 3T and I am so sorry for your loss. That would be devastating. I'm glad you are able to "look on the bright side" and I hope that the next BFP is a success. I agree with you 100% that the waiting is the most taxing part of this whole process. Waiting for appointments, waiting for test results, waiting to see if this month was a success or not... That takes the biggest mental toll. I hope things work out for you and just know that all of us ladies are here for you. Hopefully your stay is short and sweet! Good luck and baby dust!

WishUponAChild · July 2014

Welcome and sorry you are here.

lebradford · July 2014

Welcome to 3T! I hope this cycle works out for you!

Sewfie · July 2014

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you have a short stay. I have a similar background, same diagnosis (unexplained), lots of tilting/rolling during my HSG, just got my first bfp ever (from our first IUI), which ended as a C/P. I've also never had so much as a pregnancy scare before. I'm keeping my fx for you that your IUI works and it's a sticky one!

ronniesgirl1981 · July 2014

Welcome! Unexplained IF is a total mind f@ck! The good news is that many women with UI move on relatively quickly.

dirtyvegas · July 2014

Thanks ladies! You definitely know how to make a girl feel welcomed. I know it's been said plenty of times before, but it's so comforting to know that so many of you have been through the same ups and downs that seems to take over our lives. I look forward to chatting with you!

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