How do you connect with your spouse?

welly01 · July 2014

What activities do you do with your significant other to really reconnect? I need some new ideas of stuff to do together, like a new hobby or activity. We enjoy watching TV shows together but that's just so...lazy? Like we're not really interacting with each other, just sitting next to each other, you know? I want something fun and maybe competitive that we're really engaged with each other.

traveltheworld · July 2014

We are big foodies so we go try new restaurants and/or visit our old favourites - we try to do that at least once every 2 weeks and spend the night out. We also like going gourmet food shopping. We also do a lot of yard projects together.

bumpuser10331514 · July 2014

Dude, we don't. And since we got recliners, even our TV time has been disjointed. I send him nice texts once in a while. I'd sext him if I could, but he's paranoid about that kind of thing. So...don't take any advice from me - except don't get recliners.

bumpuser10331514 · July 2014

You could pick a project off of pinterest to make for your kids and see who "nails it" best.

jlaOK · July 2014

We struggle with this a lot, especially on weekdays. It seems as though we are so exhausted after finishing the evening routine that we each do our own things to unwind. We are better about doing family activities on the weekend but I wouldn't necessarily say DH and I connect during those. Now that our lives have been less hectic (after moving) we are starting to schedule date nights. Those are always good.

MommaP12 · July 2014

jlaOK said:

We struggle with this a lot, especially on weekdays. It seems as though we are so exhausted after finishing the evening routine that we each do our own things to unwind. We are better about doing family activities on the weekend but I wouldn't necessarily say DH and I connect during those. Now that our lives have been less hectic (after moving) we are starting to schedule date nights. Those are always good.

This. I don't feel disconnected from DH luckily, but we just do family time on the weekends and a date night ever 6 weeks or so. We do have 2 weddings back to back in a couple of weeks so it will be fun to cut loose with him!

CarrieB. · July 2014

We are artsy, so it's fun to download an indie film and then there's always lots to talk about after. We just watched "Under the skin." We also go to theater once a month together, football game once a year.

Honestly, some of our best bonding time is in the car like when we go to my parents' house (2 hours away). The kids nap or watch a movie and we can talk.

SunAndRain · July 2014

This will sound counter intuitive but I'm beginning to realize that the best way to get DH to engage in the family is for me to have FUN. And these days that is mostly with DD!

When DH sees DD laughing with me he will actually pull his nose out of his smart phone.

I try to engage DH in a conversation with me but really, I have nothing fun to talk to him about. Work = stress. House = work. My hobby = not interested.

Also, I finally took IL's up on their offer to watch DD overnight so that is next week. Unfortunately, it coincides with DH's double data idea which is going to see Motley Crue. Not my idea of fun (what does a 30 something year old wear to a Motley Crue concert anyway?) but I'm going to put my smile on and have fun anyway.

And I'm so tired that I really have little energy left for DH these days. Which is why I was hoping that our night alone could have been a bit more low key. Instead it'll be another exhausting night. So much for connecting

aglenn · July 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

We have date nights every friday after the kids go to bed. We stay home, Dh will go and get take out while I'm putting DD down and we have a no TV/phone/electronic device rule while we eat dinner. After we will either watch a movie while snuggling, or play a game. It kind of depends on our exhaustion level.

This is us, except Saturday is our night. We also both like to cook so sometimes we will pick a new recipe (something spicy that the kids would hate that we've been wanting to try, for instance) and cook together.

groovygrl · July 2014

We struggle w/ that too esp b/c our kids are really terrible about going to bed/sleep and so we don't have tons of time at night after they're asleep usually. We are trying to have a date night twice a month, once just the two of us, once w/ another couple/friends. We enjoy going for walks together or riding bikes but w/ the kids that is rarely possible without them unless my mom is visiting or something.
And this goes against all good parenting rules re eating as a family

but some nights I will feed the kids before he gets home & let them watch tv while he & I sit & eat and catch up on our day and it is kind of nice.

sandrabrooke · July 2014

We go on a walk every night when we have good weather. It's good because you exercise and you don't focus on anything else besides the walk. For us, it helps us put the electronics down!

sadie+w · July 2014

We go for bike rides (pull DS in a burley), play board games or put a puzzle together, get a sitter and go out for dinner, and we have a couple tv shows we like to watch together. We also do a lot of activities with the three of us (H, DS, and me) like play in the sand at the beach, sit in the back yard while DS plays, sit on the living room floor and play trucks or trains, and I love that time and while obviously DS is part of it, still feel that it's good connection time.

Slb22 · July 2014

We are struggling with this now as well with how to adjust to make sure we still have "us" time with a 3 month old. Now that it is nice out I am making sure we take her for a walk on the weekends so she can sleep and we can talk. Otherwise it is tough for me to have the energy to do anything during the week. By the time she goes to bed at 9 I just want to crawl into bed myself because she is still getting up at night. It is a work in progress for sure.

kristennd · July 2014

We play video games. It still allows us to be couch potatoes but it's more interactive than tv.

dashofreality · July 2014

I have to agree with LibraryChica:)

Active wise we love playing racquetball. We belong to the Y and put the kids in childcare and go play for an hour. I used to be pretty bad at racquetball, but DH was patient and over the years I can actually give him a run for his money.

welly01 · July 2014

sadie+w said:

We go for bike rides (pull DS in a burley), play board games or put a puzzle together, get a sitter and go out for dinner, and we have a couple tv shows we like to watch together. We also do a lot of activities with the three of us (H, DS, and me) like play in the sand at the beach, sit in the back yard while DS plays, sit on the living room floor and play trucks or trains, and I love that time and while obviously DS is part of it, still feel that it's good connection time.

Thank you for this suggestion!!! I used to love doing puzzles when I was younger. I just asked DH if he would do a puzzle with me and he said he also likes doing puzzles!! (I'm not sure how/why I didn't know this). I'm really excited to find something other than TV that we can do together. Woo hoo!

We also definitely need to get out of the house more, like taking a walk. Thank you all for your suggestions!!

kristennd · July 2014

welly336 said:

Thank you for this suggestion!!! I used to love doing puzzles when I was younger. I just asked DH if he would do a puzzle with me and he said he also likes doing puzzles!! (I'm not sure how/why I didn't know this). I'm really excited to find something other than TV that we can do together. Woo hoo!

That reminds me. DH and I do crossword puzzles together. One of us reads out the clues and writes in the answers while the other keeps an eye on LO, works on dinner, etc. It leads to some really interesting conversational tangents, of course.

lexusolsen · July 2014

We just took a couples massage class yesterday. You learn to give each other massages using professional techniques. It was so awesome we bought a second class for the next level. I got it on groupon so I think I paid half price. Here's the link a the class description.

https://www.the-love-lab.com/couples-massage-classes/

In this group class you can expect to learn the very same massage techniques Meagan Holub has used to turn celebrities into raving fans of her work. You will learn to massage better, firmer, more gracefully and intuitively in a fun, safe, and beautiful class environment. Spring love is in the air making this season the perfect time for couples to attend this class. Give the gift the never stops giving -massage- for birthdays, engagements, weddings, anniversaries, or anytime you want to bond in a unique date setting with your sweetheart. While the class does require two people, and has a high number of romantic couples attending, attendees do not need to be romantic partners. Friends, families, and anyone interested in learning the enviable skill of giving an excellent massage, is welcome. Likewise, this class is open to all ages and types of couples. We have only one requirement of you, be a loving human being and be ready to give to your partner, as well as receive.

anchalmasako · July 2014

Similar to what others have said...exercising together (either with or without kids, on the odd chance they are with my parents) is a big one, which usually involves going for a walk or jog outside. Definitely going out to eat. We don't really have any mutual hobbies to enjoy together, but that's mainly because all would be difficult to do without the kids involved, and/or would cost too much extra $$$.

potbellypig · July 2014

When we can (summer time is hard) we go out for lunch together once a week. During the summer we try to get a sitter every 2 weeks to go on a date (since we can't do lunch b/c of DH's work).

Every night after the kids go to bed we sit with a drink and talk about our day.

In the winter when DH's work slows down, we work out together in our "home gym" (treadmill and weights in a room ) and watch GOT together.

We also like things like camping, hiking, snowshoeing, taking walks etc - but right now DH only gets home after the kids are in bed so its a little hard to fit that stuff in. Hopefully in a few years we can do more in the evenings.

itsmevkb · July 2014

SomebabiesMom said:

Dude, we don't. And since we got recliners, even our TV time has been disjointed. I send him nice texts once in a while. I'd sext him if I could, but he's paranoid about that kind of thing. So...don't take any advice from me - except don't get recliners.

When we first got married my husband wanted a recliner and I said no because then we'll never be sitting together and you'll just sit in it and watch tv all the time. I also vetoed a tv in our bedroom. Fast forward a few years when I found the perfect leather recliner that doesn't look like a recliner for our living room at a going out of business sale and now that's "my" chair! Also, when I was pregnant with our second I had tv and cable put in our bedroom because I wanted something to do during night feedings. So yea, right there with ya.

As to the original question, my dh and I tend to talk a lot while we make dinner and clean up from dinner. We try and go to a couple of baseball games every summer and college basketball games in the winter. Sometimes we just hang outside while the kids run around and play. It's not easy though since it's not easy to find someone to babysit four kids, much less afford the babysitter and whatever it is we want to go and do, but often times we'll rent a movie and talk through most of it.

KL777 · July 2014

-Bike riding around the neighborhood

-Walks around the neighborhood

-Afternoon dates at a restaurant

-Weeknight "catch-up" chats

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