Baby shower, did you travel for yours?

eriberri88 · July 2014

My entire family lives about 4hrs North, my mother offered to throw me a baby shower but expects my DH and I to travel 4hrs when I'll be 7 (pushing 8 months pregnant.) Also, we only have a car and bringing all the gifts back might prove to be more of a hassle, we want to include my 68yr old MIL who's on dialysis 3x and incredibly hard to travel with. Lastly I'm not trying to be a Diva but considering the above factors and that I'm working full time and not wanting to take time off (I work at a busy restaurant and it's peak tourist season) am I being unreasonable? Just looking for some suggestions or insight

MrsDL · July 2014

Well, I think it comes down to the other guests - it's unlikely a whole lot of your family members are going to travel 4 hours to you, so your mom is probably thinking about it that way. MIL wanted to do something where she lives (6 hours away) because a lot of family and friends were close to her. I was 7 months and had no problem going. I think it's difficult to expect somebody who lives 4 hours away to throw you a shower where you live. Do you have any friends or family near-by willing to throw you a shower where you live, then at least your mother would travel to you?

mb314 · July 2014

You have two choices - Accept the shower and travel for it, Or decline the shower because the travel will be too much of a hassle. You have to decide for yourself which you prefer.

I agree with pp, if your guests are out of town, then you should travel to them. It's not fair to ask them to travel to you (and then buy you a gift). It is sweet that you want to include your MIL, but if the shower is for your side of the family, it's not necessary. Someone may offer to throw you another shower in the town you live.

I had two out of town showers. One was a 4.5 hour drive away (when I was 6 months pregnant) and the other was a plane ride away when I was 7 months pregnant. I don't have any family in our town, and the friends I do have are new because we haven't lived here long, so I never expected a shower in the town I live in. Traveling for both showers was not a big deal. The shower that I had to fly to was a little more challenging just because I had to bring a big suitcase to bring back the gifts. Most people realized this and gave clothes, gift cards and other easily-packed items. One aunt gave us an exersaucer, which we couldn't deal with on the plane. So we took it back to Babies R Us, got a gift card, and then re-bought it in our city when we got home.

marajay6 · July 2014

My family lives 3.5 hours away and I am traveling there for my shower. It doesn't seem like a burden to me. I was the one who chose to move away and I already visit fairly regularly (at least 10 times per year), so I don't see a 3.5 hour drive to be a burden at all.

Normally when I visit my family, DH and I will stay a night or 2 (depending on whether we travel Friday night or Saturday morning). However, we have done the trip in one day and it isn't that big of a deal. We took my MIL and FIL when I had my bridal shower (the men all planned a trip to an auto museum for the day) and did it in one day.

If you are concerned about fitting all the gifts in your car, can you leave some of the less urgent stuff with a family member to get some other time, such as when/if you see them for thanksgiving, Christmas, or the delivery?

abbyful · July 2014

I don't consider 4 hours "traveling". It's fine.

If you don't like it, decline the shower.

eriberri88 · July 2014

Also, my good friends are throwing me a shower here as well, so I could always invite everyone to that shower. It also might be worth noting for that my mother and I are not close at all, so while I am excited and appreciate her offer I have a fear that this could just be a huge stressful mess, seeing as how my mother is a newly recovering alcoholic who I haven't had much contact with in the past decade. I should have added in that detail seeing as that's the majority of my stress/hesitation for going out if my way only to have something go terribly wrong.

abbyful · July 2014

eriberri88 said:
Also, my good friends are throwing me a shower here as well, so I could always invite everyone to that shower. It also might be worth noting for that my mother and I are not close at all, so while I am excited and appreciate her offer I have a fear that this could just be a huge stressful mess, seeing as how my mother is a newly recovering alcoholic who I haven't had much contact with in the past decade. I should have added in that detail seeing as that's the majority of my stress/hesitation for going out if my way only to have something go terribly wrong.

First, you don't get to invite people to a shower, the hostess does. And adding a bunch of people adds extra cost to the hostess.

Second, it's a baby shower, what's going to go "terribly wrong"?

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. There doesn't need to be this much drama around a baby shower.

mb314 · July 2014

Idani said:

eriberri88 said:

Also, my good friends are throwing me a shower here as well, so I could always invite everyone to that shower. It also might be worth noting for that my mother and I are not close at all, so while I am excited and appreciate her offer I have a fear that this could just be a huge stressful mess, seeing as how my mother is a newly recovering alcoholic who I haven't had much contact with in the past decade. I should have added in that detail seeing as that's the majority of my stress/hesitation for going out if my way only to have something go terribly wrong.

The guest list for your friends' shower should include those people the hosts want to invite (usually with your input, and probably local guests). If if you add out of town family/friends to your friends shower, it is rude in two ways: 1) it assumes that your friends are willing to host and pay for a larger shower which may not be what they're offering and 2) it looks gift grabby to your out of town guests because you're asking them to both travel and get you a baby gift.

If you are not comfortable with your mother hosting a shower for you out of town, simply decline it graciously.

Edited for typos/weird phrasing.

eriberri88 · July 2014

Ah, okay sorry! This is clearly my first baby shower / child and I have no idea how this works. My friend offered to invite my family or anyone else I wanted at the shower.. So it wouldn't be rude if I did want to extend the invitation, but I've decided what I'm going to do. Thanks for all the suggestions.

allrightmeow · July 2014

With DH was flew home for the shower my best friend threw. That included all my family and friends. We rented a mini van and drove back the 10 hours. It was pretty stress free and fun to celebrate with everyone and worth it to us. It was easier for the two of us to go there than to ask 40 people to travel and find room and board (which I doubt they would have done no matter how much they all love us because it would have been a hassle)

eriberri88 · July 2014

This baby shower thrown by my mother would only be no more than 6-7 people. We have a very small family. But like I already said I've made my decision and appreciate all the input. I'll just be traveling and hope for the best. No use getting worked up about something I can't predict

wildflower75 · July 2014

I traveled from NY to SF for the shower my mom wanted to throw for me for my first baby.
Other people wanted to celebrate the baby and it was really nice! I;m sure it will be wonderful!

BkBaby118 · July 2014

I'll be traveling from Michigan to NYC and back for my baby shower in September, when I'll be about 31 weeks along. It's probably not ideal, but I just moved out here 2 weeks ago and my family and friends are in New York, and they want to throw me a shower. I don't want people to bring gifts because it would be really difficult to find a way to ship them to Michigan! So it'll be more of a social gathering and a chance to see friends.

I'm sure your baby shower will be lovely and you'll be happy you made the trip!

SEP53 · July 2014

I totally get what you're saying about the fear of something going wrong eriberri88; I have a very difficult family as well and they are 10 hours away asking us to travel to them. They make up drama and tend to be extremely selfish. We decided to go and appreciate the gift we are being given but its still nerve racking! How lucky so many other women are to have moms and families they are close to and trust during their pregnancy.

racheldiaries · July 2014

I'm having two showers. My best friend here is throwing one for me with all of our friends. Then I'll be traveling back home at 32 weeks [5 hour drive] to have my main one with family and long time friends, but said friend above will be going with me so I have company along the way. I make the drive monthly but by that time I'm sure I'll need the company! TBH, it's easier for me to travel than it would be for everyone to come to me with hotel costs, if they have to take time off of work, ect.

eriberri88 · July 2014

SEP53 said:
I totally get what you're saying about the fear of something going wrong eri Bernie ri88; I have a very difficult family as well and they are 10 hours away asking us to travel to them. They make up drama and tend to be extremely selfish. We decided to go and appreciate the gift we are being given but its still nerve racking! How lucky so many other women are to have moms and families they are close to and trust during their pregnancy.

Exactly! My mom hasn't been apart of my life for nearly a decade due to her alcoholism so although I am thankful she's newly sober and offering me this girl, I am very hesitant because the last time I saw her (mothers day) did not go well and ended in her throwing a huge dramatic fit about how "Nobody cares about her." recovery is hard and I love her a ton but the judgement of people assuming I'm being bratty or making excuses kind of hurts, I'd love to drop everything and assume it's going to be peachy keen but going into an environment where I can't control anything (hours away from my comfort zone here in Virginia Beach) stresses me out. But I guess I have to just trust that it'll all go well and not worry myself to death

lmlee15 · July 2014

My mother and MIL have both offered to host a baby shower for me. My mom lives about 2 hours away and I will travel for that one because my grandmother cannot make the trip to come down to where I live from where they are so that will be a very small shower. As for involving family, your family is important, and if possible I would encourage you to make every reasonable effort to include them in your excitement.

aeseager · July 2014

We are driving 12 hours for the shower my mom is throwing, and 7 hours for the shower my mother in law is throwing. We moved away from both of our families, so what else would happen?

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