Returning to work after maternity leave

Re: Returning to work after maternity leave

• Myaflowers member

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  I went back to work when DD was 9 weeks old. At that time, I would leave the house every morning at 6:30 (now it's closer to 7:00) and not get home until 6:00 pm. It was difficult at first, but the anticipation of returning to work was the most difficult part. I cried some the first day, but it got much easier after the first few weeks. It was actually nice (still is) to leave  the house and have some adult interaction for a change. DH stays home with DD, so he texts me pictures almost everyday, which helps. DD also has a later bedtime because she doesn't have to get up to go to DC. That gives me more time with her in the evenings now that she's a bit older (when she was younger, she was tired and went to bed earlier). If your MIL is keeping your DS at your house, maybe a later bedtime will work for you guys at some point so you will have more time together in the evenings. DD and I also bedshare. We started around the time I went back to work. It helps us both sleep better and get more snuggles.

  
  

  Sorry for the novel! I just want to emphasize that being a working mom is great, and it gets a little easier every day. I feel like having a career and the fulfillment it gives me makes me a better mom. DS will still love you more than anyone because you are mommy. Nothing can change that!

  
  

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• emberlee3 member

  July 2014

  I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time.  It is scary to leave, especially with your first child. 
  
  I was in my 3rd year of residency when I had DS.  I worked 80 hrs per week, including a 30-hour shift every 3rd or 4th night.  With commute, I was away from DS 90+ hours/week.  Of course, I was terrified of leaving him.
  
  What really helped me was #1 BFing, because I felt connected to him whenever I pumped milk.  #2 bedsharing (not for everyone, but worked great for us to catch up on snuggles.  #3 Knowing that DS was well taken care of while I worked.  #4 being fulfilled, challenged, and distracted by work.
  
  Despite me working such insane hours, I actually saw all of DS's firsts.  He saved them for me
  
  Finally, I have to say this.  Don't resent your MIL for being able to retire.  She already worked a full career, and raised at least one kid.  Was she a WM? Have you talked about what it was like when she went back to work?
  
  

  DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
  

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• tatithomas member

  July 2014

  Your situation is MINE to a tee! I won't lie, it was hard at first being jealous of my MIL watching DS all day while I sat in a stuffy cubical just wishing to spend time with him - it still is. We got into a bit of a groove though and I stressed to her the importance of keeping me involved all day with pictures, updates, etc.

  I won't say it has been without hiccups, there were good weeks and bad, but I would tell myself that who better to take care of my child than someone who loves and adores him so much?

  That being said, having to see DH's family every day did start to get a little overwhelming for me so we've enrolled DS in daycare two days a week when he turns 1.  I think it's a good age for him to start socializing and being exposed to new things - and it gives me a little break from them

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• shenry214 member

  July 2014

  I want to start out by thanking everyone for their thoughts and for being honest.  I know I sound awful and ungrateful.  I do suffer from postpartum so that could be a reason my feelings run so deep.  I'm currently taking meds and seeing a therapist but so far it isn't helping. I have suffered from severe depression since 5th grade but I am working on getting the help I need. As far as not being home any sooner and not working closer to home...there is nothing I can do about that. I have tried desperately for 3 years now to get a job at a school district closer to where I live but have had zero success.  I would MUCH rather work closer but that is out of my hands.  And as far as the hours...I need to leave my house no later than 6 to make sure I get to work on time.  Our school starts at 7:30 and I like to have about 30 minutes before hand to get everything prepared.  Hate being rushed.  And I can't get home until at least 5 because my district requires that all teachers stay until 4:00 even though the kids are gone by 3:10.  With my commute, it is about 5 before I can get home. I know my MIL will do a great job, I just wish it was me.    

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• blessed2585 member

  July 2014

  I am sorry that you are feeling like this. I think it is normal to have these fears. Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? Try to think about it as your son will get to have a great relationship with you and his grandma. He will be surrounded by people that love him, and he will always love you because you are his mom. It might even help you to feel better if you talk to your mother in law. Just getting it out there and talking through it can help you feel better! I will keep you in my prayers!

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• BabyHope2013 member

  July 2014

  Stay positive---and don't agonize over the end of summer coming and you having to go back to work. You are lucky that you have a family member that is able and willing to watch your LO. While I absolutely love the daycare that my DS is in, I would much rather give anything for my mom or MIL to watch him instead. 

  
  

  I too leave my house a little before 7 a.m. and don't get to pick him up until about 6 p.m. every night. It's hard to adjust at first, but I just embrace every moment that I do spend with him each night. I also wake up extra early myself so I can spend 15 minutes just sitting with him on the couch or reading books when he wakes up. Keep in mind that you will have the weekends and holiday breaks and then summer vacation. I am actually jealous that you get three months off to spend with him each year. You are extremely lucky to almost have the best of both worlds; working and staying home. I do wish that I could stay at home---but love being able to work too. It makes me a much better mom. 

  
  

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• Beevol member

  July 2014

  I never wanted to be a SAHM so my take is a little different, but my mom watched my DD for the first almost two years and I definitely had the fear that my baby would have this special bond with my mom instead of me (this is also my mom who tried to get my nephew to call her mom - same BS my grandma pulled on her... aren't families great! :P). But honestly? My fears were unfounded. My daughter loves her grandma and does have a special bond with her, but I'm her mom and that's something that really doesn't get trumped that easily. 

  
  

  One thing that really helped me with the transition back to work was seeing a counselor. My work has an EAP that provided a few free visits and that let me get out all of my fears and concerns and talk them through with a professional who didn't know me and wouldn't go telling anyone, and who knew the line between normal new mom jitters and postpartum depression/etc. I didn't have PPD or anything "wrong" and, still, I can't recommend it enough if it's a possibility for you. This is a big transition and it's hard and that's OK. 

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• nosoup4u member

  July 2014

  You have to cut back in the classroom when you're a mom as well. I don't spend as much time in my room as I did before kids, and make myself leave early, etc. If you've been teaching for a few years, it shouldn't be too hard to cut back on what you usually do.
  
  Try not to stress about your MIL. Your baby will know who mom is no question. And it's pretty great that they get to be w a grandparent during the day, my kids adore their grandparents. It's a comepletely different relationship.

  DS1 - Feb 2008

  DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

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• Slb22 member

  July 2014

  I just returned to work last week so I don't have a ton of input.  Also, my LO doesn't start daycare until next week.  The first week is rough, but this week is already a bit better.  There is no better feeling than walking through the door at the end of the day and seeing LO.  It puts a whole new perspective on things.  I agree with the others that the anticipation is the worst.   Good luck and enjoy the time you have left at home. 
  

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• Mustardseed2007 member

  July 2014

  Good luck momma.

  I don't think you sound ungrateful at all. You just sound like you're dreading going back to work. I think all you're doing is just projecting that unhappiness, which, to me, is understandable even if it is something you do need to get a handle on.

  My mom and sister watched DS for us until he was almost 2. He never forgot who mommy and daddy were. In fact, he really prefers my younger sister to my older sister, and my older sister was the one who watched him. Go figure.

  There are positives to working, the least of which is money, but the money is sometimes really important. It can be positive for both you and your child if you can look on the bright side of things. For me, I'm a better mom because I step away, think differently during my work day, and then come home and get to be mom.

  Also, remember that, especially at first, your kid sleeps A LOT. Yesterday I was looking at my daughters report, and she spent 4.5 hours of the 9 hours she was at daycare just sleeping. I mean, I know she's adorable when she sleeps, but I'm glad that while she's doing that, I'm making money (for our family) and being with grown ups and working my brain in a different way than I would if I were at home. It works for us.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

   

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• Myaflowers member

  July 2014

  OP, I suffered from PPD as well (I've struggled with severe depression myself for many years). I was SO depressed about going back to work, but I promise the anticipation was worse than actually going back. You WILL be OK. So will DS. Going back to work (surprisingly) made me less depressed because it kept me busy and gave me the social interaction that I was missing while on maternity leave. I also struggled with feeling like an inadequate mother (part of PPD for me), so going back to work gave me back some confidence and comfort (because I know I'm good at my job).

  
  

  As I mentioned before bed sharing and transitioning DD to a later bedtime really helped. I also make sure to leave on time everyday, unless there's a true emergency. Before DD, I would often stay late to get things done. Those days are over. Somehow you just become more efficient and are able to get out the door on time.

  
  

  One last thing...I'm a counselor so I have a job, like you, where you are expected to put on a good performance and interact with people all day. There's no option to close your office door and cry or have a few minutes to yourself. I was feeling well enough by the time I returned to work to get by at work. If you feel like therapy and meds haven't gotten your depression under control, don't be afraid to ask your doctor to give you more time. It should be covered under FMLA if you have any time left.

  
  

  Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

  
  

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