Bad IF Day (Warning: Child Mentioned - Not mine)

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

Since my RE consultation a couple weeks ago I have been doing quite well handling IF emotions. Things are moving in terms of testing and we have a preliminary plan. This has kept me more optimistic and able to handle the fact that my best friend just had her first baby two days ago. Well.....last night my husband and I visited her and her husband in the hospital to meet the baby. I couldn't not go, because she is my best friend of 20+ years, this is her first child and I am so happy for her (while simultaneously being sad for myself). The visit went well. I held this cute little thing...and I am not a woman who goes around holding everyone's baby. I've only held one baby before...when I was 9 years old. I just kept thinking, "I can't wait to babysit this little girl!"

Fast forward to this morning: I'm just very down. I go in for my saline ultrasound and 2 hour glucose test (I have PCOS so RE is checking for insulin resistance) on Tuesday and it cannot come fast enough. My husband doesn't go in for his SA until 7/22 because we actually have to plan for when we don't BD for three days (this is the one time I'm aggravated that we have a very busy sex life) and he's away for that weekend so we decided to have fun until then. I still have to schedule my HSG and wait for my genetic screening results before we can do anything. In the grand scheme of things all of these things won't take that long to complete and we'll be starting our IF treatments (preliminary plan is to do Metformin, Clomid & TI) soon, but I am an impatient woman. And holding that sweet baby last night gave me a sense of urgency.

And because of this, I am aggravated overall. Everything my co-workers say or do (complaining about the weather, gossiping about celebrities (UGH!!!!), saying "like" 5 million times per hour, randomly singing bad songs using incorrect lyrics and melodies) is making me want to walk out of the office. Maybe I'll get a glass of wine for my train ride home....or at lunch.

shirleymaeby · July 2014

I have had way too many of those days to even count. Hang in there! I usually treat myself with a glass (or 5) of wine and a sweet treat because dessert makes my soul happy.

((hugs))

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

Thanks ladies! It is my husband's birthday today, so that is a good excuse to have a "celebratory" bottle of wine...even if he doesn't drink

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

@kkeglar13, yes!!! I threw my friend's first baby shower (yes, she had multiple showers) two days after I got definitive test results and news that I basically can't get pregnant without some sort of intervention. I hope you're able to balance yourself. Sunday will be over soon, but I'm sure you'd rather not be the one planning. It is hard to balance being happy for a friend's/relative's little one and be sad and overwhelmed about your own situation at the same time.

I am trying to pull myself out of this slump. Good news is that my mother-in-law just cancelled our lunch plans. I love her so much, but she always brings up something about kids. She knows I want kids, she knows my husband and I have been talking about kids, but she asked me the other day, "When you do have kids, how many do you think you want?" Let me just start with one, please, and we'll take it from there. Now I feel like I'm not only disappointing my husband, I am disappointing my mother-in-law.

Wine at lunch, yes please!

catlover790 · July 2014

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. IF is so frustrating and unfair! I am also still in the testing phase and I am getting that impatient feeling too! It's very hard because I assumed that I would've gotten pregnant during this past year (I teach and think of school calendar). I just want to start treatment, and I'm sorry you have to wait longer too! Take some time for yourself today to do something fun, and drink all the wines!

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

@catlover790, impatience is the flavor of the year! I keep trying to reframe my thoughts because I know that all of this testing will make it easier and healthier for me (and you) to answers and hopefully get pregnant - fingers crossed, at least! Today is just hard, I guess.

catlover790 · July 2014

@LindseyM2012‌ I know the feeling! My OB wanted to have me try (unmonitored) clomid in March and I'm glad I decided to get proper testing done first with an RE but sometimes it's so hard to be patient! I hope your day gets better.

Hollowvic · July 2014

I know how you feel, just finished all my testing. It's a roller coaster of emotions. You want to be happy for the people in your life (and really you are), but it still sucks that's it's not happening for you. I've never been the why me type but sometimes you can't help it. Sorry you're having a shitty day.

BunnyBerry · July 2014

IF = Irritability and Frustration

I feel your pain. Glad you were able to enjoy those moments with your friend and her LO. I hope you have yours soon.

nswain85 · July 2014

I'm sorry that you're having a tough day

this is one journey full of highs and lows for sure! Glad that you have you're testing to get gong on soon and hopefully a plan soon after! Good luck and enjoy the wine

JericaLH · July 2014

I'm sorry you're having a bad day! New babies are the best and the worst all at once.

**Preg/Child mentioned**

DH has a close friend and his wife and I get along very well, they started TTC a month after we did and their baby girl is a little over 3 months old now. We did the same thing and went to visit them in the hospital, I held the baby OF COURSE, and DH just kept looking at me. I think he knew what was going through my head because he tried to make light of the situation and joked about me jumping him as soon as we got home. (They know how long we've been trying.) She was so precious and I was so happy for them, but it was like of piece of me was tearing in half. I want that for myself so badly... It's hard to be happy for someone yet be jealous of them. I don't blame you for getting a little down.

I hope everything turns around for you. Good luck and baby dust!

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