Can't sit still at restaurants. Please help.

lovemygirls07 · July 2014

My daughter will not sit and stay in her highchair when we are out for longer than about 15min. That's about her max and we try everything, snacks, iPhone, toys etc she just wants to get out and roam around. Are there any activity trays or something? What do you guys do when out?

ashiscute · July 2014

Same as PP. DS is 22 mos and if he is really struggling we will take him for a walk for a min but we carry him and do not let him walk around. This is when it helps to have two kids because DD and DS sit next to each other now and sort of play and make things a bit better.

Just try to stick to restaurants that are family friendly. And my kids usually respond better to snacks the restaurant provides then anything I'll bring.

pb_bride · July 2014

lovemygirls07 said:

My daughter will not sit and stay in her highchair when we are out for longer than about 15min. That's about her max and we try everything, snacks, iPhone, toys etc she just wants to get out and roam around. Are there any activity trays or something? What do you guys do when out?

Could timing be an issue too? Do you go out when it's close to her nap time or bed time? Is your DD a new walker?

We try to eat out once a week for lunch on weekends (not always restaurants, sometimes friends'/families home), and have been doing so since he was around 13m? At first he sat fine b/c he couldn't walk yet. But once he started walking @ 14m, he just HAD to be roaming around. We catered to him at first by going to places that don't "mind" this behavior (ie, self-service, family-friendly restaurants that are really quiet). After 1-2 months of that, my mom basically told me that I had to stop it and teach him to sit at the table.

Luckily DS loves cars so I just bring along a couple of his toy cars, and they usually keep him occupied for 10 minutes or so, long enough until the food we ordered is ready. Once we start eating, he does very well. (we also time our meals out with his regular lunch time.) I also am very conscious of where his highchair goes - try to find the spot that lets him see the most activity. Usually he gets so distracted by all the going-ons that he eats slowly - slow enough that DH & I actually finish before he does.

maybebride · July 2014

DS is almost 20 months and can get restless, but like PP said, we don't get him out of his high chair and never have. He has started enjoying at least playing with Crayons. We talk to him a lot and he likes to play with lemons. I almost always order his food immediately or we go someplace with chips he can dip (his favorite thing, but this might not work with one not so apt to eat; mine could eat for days). And as others have said, timing is everything. Too late in the evening, too close to naptime and we are in for meltdown.

wesleycrusher · July 2014

One thing I've learned with DD- We don't let DD out of her high chair at a restaurant or cart at the store. Once she knows she can walk around, then she won't go back in to the seat. We are very firm on this and now that she's getting older we have no issue with this.

lovemygirls07 · July 2014

thanks for the advice everyone. Maybe we need to be more firm and not mind the mess she makes by throwing everything within reach on the floor, and the yelling to get out. It gets very hard to ignore this behavior, but I don't yet want to succumb to staying home because of this. We'll keep trying...

cedenton · July 2014

My DS stands up in the high chair now so there's no way to MAKE him stay in it. So, it's either that if he's cooperating or sitting on one of our laps. I try to get a booth whenever possible because he can stand and look at people. I don't let him mess with people behind us, though, and make sure to clean off the seat when we are done. Roaming is definitely not allowed. Time outs may be required for him if he's acting out (take him outside and he has to stand against a wall).

TBH, I just prefer not to take him out these days.

smileybabyboy · July 2014

You could try getting some toys that you only use in a restaurant so they stay new and exciting.

Bring along some markers and paper?

=Lee=B · July 2014

I'm curious why you all feel that a toddler needs to be in a highchair for the entire duration of a restaurant visit. Or do you just mean while eating? I would never expect a toddler to sit, restrained for 1.5hrs. It is just not in their nature.

My daughter is 16months. We don't put our daughter in her highchair until the food arrives. Until then she moves around from my lap to daddy's lap. She sits on a chair/bench beside us, peeks around at other people and stands beside us. She colours and plays with toys and books we've brought while being able to wiggle and move about within arms reach of us and our table. She knows she is not allowed to run off on her own. If she is needing to move one of us takes her for a walk...she holds our hand and wanders checking everything out. Some places she stops to high five everyone she passes...pretty much every table she passes stops her to chat to her or us.

We go out once a week...to sit down nice places...not usually formal in your fancy clothes places but not to mcdonalds. If we know she's had one of those days then we go to a noisy pub so she can be a bit more fussy and active without bothering anyone.

She would never survive a meal that long without moving around. She is perfectly fine to sit 20-30min while the food is there, as is expected at home but they are not able to self-entertain sitting in a chair for very long and their bodies just need to move.

ashiscute · July 2014

=Lee=B said:

I'm curious why you all feel that a toddler needs to be in a highchair for the entire duration of a restaurant visit. Or do you just mean while eating? I would never expect a toddler to sit, restrained for 1.5hrs. It is just not in their nature.
My daughter is 16months. We don't put our daughter in her highchair until the food arrives. Until then she moves around from my lap to daddy's lap. She sits on a chair/bench beside us, peeks around at other people and stands beside us. She colours and plays with toys and books we've brought while being able to wiggle and move about within arms reach of us and our table. She knows she is not allowed to run off on her own. If she is needing to move one of us takes her for a walk...she holds our hand and wanders checking everything out. Some places she stops to high five everyone she passes...pretty much every table she passes stops her to chat to her or us.
We go out once a week...to sit down nice places...not usually formal in your fancy clothes places but not to mcdonalds. If we know she's had one of those days then we go to a noisy pub so she can be a bit more fussy and active without bothering anyone.
She would never survive a meal that long without moving around. She is perfectly fine to sit 20-30min while the food is there, as is expected at home but they are not able to self-entertain sitting in a chair for very long and their bodies just need to move.

HUH? Most of the restaurants we go to we are there 30- 45 mins tops. We don't typically take them to fine dining restaurants. Mostly Red Robin and other family restaurants. Even for special occasions when we go to nicer places we still don't take that long. And my kids either sit in their highchair (or booster seat) or someone's lap. They don't get down.

BabyHope2013 · July 2014

wesleycrusher said:

One thing I've learned with DD- We don't let DD out of her high chair at a restaurant or cart at the store. Once she knows she can walk around, then she won't go back in to the seat. We are very firm on this and now that she's getting older we have no issue with this.

This is totally true. We put DS in his high chair when we get there and we do not take him out, basically until either myself or my husband are done eating and can walk around with him. I do have a few toys that I keep in my diaper bag that he doesn't see often so that keeps him interested long enough. We also have been known to be desperate and will blow a straw wrapper back and forth across the table with him. He thinks it's hilarious and the coolest thing ever. Something else that sometimes helps is, ask for your LO's food first. It takes alot of stress out of having to cut up and feed them at the same time you are eating. Then I might "bribe" DS by bringing some yogurt melts, fruit or a few animal crackers to eat while myself and DH eat our dinner.

Don't give up on going out completely. We have brought DS out with us places since he was a little baby. I have friends that never would take their kids out to places like restaurants and even grocery stores and now those same kids have major issues when they do go at the age of two and three. Stick to fairly family friendly places and like one of my co-workers once said---you just do what you gotta do to "survive".

wesleycrusher · July 2014

=Lee=B said:

I'm curious why you all feel that a toddler needs to be in a highchair for the entire duration of a restaurant visit. Or do you just mean while eating? I would never expect a toddler to sit, restrained for 1.5hrs. It is just not in their nature.
My daughter is 16months. We don't put our daughter in her highchair until the food arrives. Until then she moves around from my lap to daddy's lap. She sits on a chair/bench beside us, peeks around at other people and stands beside us. She colours and plays with toys and books we've brought while being able to wiggle and move about within arms reach of us and our table. She knows she is not allowed to run off on her own. If she is needing to move one of us takes her for a walk...she holds our hand and wanders checking everything out. Some places she stops to high five everyone she passes...pretty much every table she passes stops her to chat to her or us.
We go out once a week...to sit down nice places...not usually formal in your fancy clothes places but not to mcdonalds. If we know she's had one of those days then we go to a noisy pub so she can be a bit more fussy and active without bothering anyone.
She would never survive a meal that long without moving around. She is perfectly fine to sit 20-30min while the food is there, as is expected at home but they are not able to self-entertain sitting in a chair for very long and their bodies just need to move.

I hated this before I had a child, and I still hate it now. I hate when I am in a restaurant and am expected to "entertain" another person't child. sorry, but no.

brachysira · July 2014

I agree with the idea of not letting your child out if you expect them to get back in. But I also do not think that anyone sitting near me at a sit-down restaurant needs to deal with a tantrum and screaming, no matter how family friendly. We choose places where there won't be a long wait, bring some crackers or something to eat while she waits, and then work together to feed her and eat ourselves at a reasonable pace. If the check takes a long time, one of us will take her outside the restaurant to run around. If she was being very loud or having a tantrum before our meal, we would leave, and if we had ordered, get the food to go. I think it is important to have age appropriate expectations and if your plans are not age appropriate, do not attempt them.

=Lee=B · July 2014

HUH? Most of the restaurants we go to we are there 30- 45 mins tops. We don't typically take them to fine dining restaurants. Mostly Red Robin and other family restaurants. Even for special occasions when we go to nicer places we still don't take that long. And my kids either sit in their highchair (or booster seat) or someone's lap. They don't get down.

We must go to very different restaurants than you then...aside from when we occasionally stop at a sub or fast food place we are never out in 30min or less...frankly I'm not sure we are out that fast at mcdonalds either.

By the time we get drinks, debate over the menu and get our meals it's already been at least 30min...then the time to eat, order dessert, hang around chatting, pack up and go 60min would be the bare minimum. We average 60-75 min when we go out for breakfast with the grandparents and that is at the same place where we don't even look at a menu.

I see now how you all can manage to leave your toddlers in highchairs the whole time...our daughter is in her highchair for a good 30-45min as well...if we were only planning to be there 30-45min I can see us leaving her in the highchair as well. Knowing we will be much longer we don't put her in the highchair until the food arrives.

Our child is by no means a 'perfect' child at home or out. We navigate and prevent any major meltdowns we can. We also adapt as we go and as she ages sure it will get harder but our expectations will change as well. I agree many people want nothing to do with other people's children while out for dinner ...but perhaps it's the places we go to. She is swarmed by little old ladies and the places we go to have older crowds so when we are out walking around she is being stopped by all the seniors (and many non-seniors) they are engaging us, asking her name, how old, how long has she been walking etc etc. My husband and I are introverts...we don't stop and chat with people unless they engage us first.

Last week we were out, again surrounded by seniors, various tables were chatting with us through our whole meal, discussing what our daughter did and didn't eat etc. We stayed longer than most of the seniors and as they left pretty much all the tables stopped by to say good bye to our daughter. Not sure if this is normal or not...it just seems to be what we encounter, but perhaps it's just because we are eating at places with a different age range or something. The seniors love children, they want to tell us about their grandchildren and compare our daughter with their grandchildren's walk, eating, sleeping habits etc.

ashiscute · July 2014

=Lee=B said:

HUH? Most of the restaurants we go to we are there 30- 45 mins tops. We don't typically take them to fine dining restaurants. Mostly Red Robin and other family restaurants. Even for special occasions when we go to nicer places we still don't take that long. And my kids either sit in their highchair (or booster seat) or someone's lap. They don't get down.

We must go to very different restaurants than you then...aside from when we occasionally stop at a sub or fast food place we are never out in 30min or less...frankly I'm not sure we are out that fast at mcdonalds either.
By the time we get drinks, debate over the menu and get our meals it's already been at least 30min...then the time to eat, order dessert, hang around chatting, pack up and go 60min would be the bare minimum. We average 60-75 min when we go out for breakfast with the grandparents and that is at the same place where we don't even look at a menu.
I see now how you all can manage to leave your toddlers in highchairs the whole time...our daughter is in her highchair for a good 30-45min as well...if we were only planning to be there 30-45min I can see us leaving her in the highchair as well. Knowing we will be much longer we don't put her in the highchair until the food arrives.
Our child is by no means a 'perfect' child at home or out. We navigate and prevent any major meltdowns we can. We also adapt as we go and as she ages sure it will get harder but our expectations will change as well. I agree many people want nothing to do with other people's children while out for dinner ...but perhaps it's the places we go to. She is swarmed by little old ladies and the places we go to have older crowds so when we are out walking around she is being stopped by all the seniors (and many non-seniors) they are engaging us, asking her name, how old, how long has she been walking etc etc. My husband and I are introverts...we don't stop and chat with people unless they engage us first.
Last week we were out, again surrounded by seniors, various tables were chatting with us through our whole meal, discussing what our daughter did and didn't eat etc. We stayed longer than most of the seniors and as they left pretty much all the tables stopped by to say good bye to our daughter. Not sure if this is normal or not...it just seems to be what we encounter, but perhaps it's just because we are eating at places with a different age range or something. The seniors love children, they want to tell us about their grandchildren and compare our daughter with their grandchildren's walk, eating, sleeping habits etc.

I go to places with lots of seniors too because those are the same places that are good for toddlers. They usually smile and say "cute kids" but I certainly don't waltz to every table and let my kids bother people. We usually order all of our food at the get go and rarely order dessert. We do not sit around chatting. We rarely go to McDonald's. The only fast food restaurant we do is Chick-fil-a and we are usually there an hour plus because the kids are playing. Most mid range restaurants (Fridays, Applebees) have a goal of turning a table in under 45 mins. It's not unrealistic.

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