Tantrums Check-In

Ziegeficker · July 2014

Ok, I know we have touched on this before...but I need some commiseration. Or a huge glass of wine.

Is anyone else in tantrum hell right now? All Henry wants to do anymore is scream at us. That's basically how he asks for things. And in conjunction with his recent sleep regression and wakefulness, we are losing our collective minds.

How is everyone else doing with tantrums as we approach the "terrible twos?" Is anyone else with me, or am I just the worst parent ever (you can tell me)? I really hope this is normal and just a phase, but of course I have this nagging fear that this is somehow the result of something we are or are not doing. I used to be able to just ignore them, and they'd stop eventually...which still kind of works, except he throws tantrums way more frequently now, so it's only a matter of time before he's throwing another one because he can't have something.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

LuckySquare said:

We are! He melts down very easily, sometimes for no discernable reason, and his new favorite addition to his tantrums is hitting. If you try to ignore, he screams louder and comes over to hit

Yes! The hitting! He's been doing that too! And recently he actually snuck in a bite, though it was when we were playing. Dear lord, I hope that doesn't become an issue on top of all of this.

We don't do timeouts, so to speak, but we do threaten to put him to bed when he acts up. It only recently occurred to me that, in doing so, we are now correlating bedtime with punishment for bad behavior....

chricast · July 2014

When Emma doesnt get her way she bites although lately she has been lashing out on the dog by hitting him or pulling his hair out in chunks. I feel so bad for him he cowers over to me shaking after she does it so I know she is hurting him and he never snaps at her. Time outs have been working pretty well for us. She will sit still in a chair or wherever I place her for about 1 minute. It is enough to diffuse her and return her to playing nicely.

scrumpfy · July 2014

Lots of tantrums over here. We do our best to ignore it. She tantrums much more for MH than me, because I ignore it and he has a hard time. She's also started being jealous of the baby - crying because she wants the boppy for tummy time, wants to squeeze her butt into the bumbo, etc. It's a little funny, but the shrieking gets old.

StefanieM522 · July 2014

Add us to the party to. He doesn't tantrum often but when he does they are epic. I try to ignore but now he will try to hit us if we do and the kicking and screaming is hard to deal with. I'm hoping that he is just going through a stage and will grow out of it soon.

pb_bride · July 2014

I SAH and we have bad days and very bad days. Last couple of weeks was really awful - I don't know if he's also getting ready for his 2yr molars (b/c he was also waking up crying MOTN, which never happens unless teething). He was super grumpy. We face time DH at lunch every day, and there were days I was already in tears and it was only 12 noon.

Like PPs said, sometime the tantrums are just out of the blue - I don't even know what the cause was. Other times he just gets angry and throws his toys (thank goodness he doesn't hit or bite... yet). Yesterday I had to do Time out for the very first time b/c of his throwing. He didn't know what I was doing but the 1 minute did help calm him down.

Apart from the tantrums, what I find most frustrating is him fighting everything that I want him to do, or just plain ignoring me, despite me giving him plenty of heads-up. Getting him up or down the stairs can take 5 minutes, changing his diaper takes 10 minutes, putting shoes on him take another 10, getting him IN the car and buckled up is another 10 minutes (while I'm drenched in sweat). So simply getting him out the door is like a 45-min ordeal.

Some days he just throws himself down on the sidewalk/asphalt if he doesn't want to go home. I've gotten completely oblivious to people's side eye at this point.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

I'm glad I'm not alone in this but also not so glad we are all going through it. Because holy...hell. I try to ask for sympathy from my IRL friends with kids Henry's age, but they're all, "Oh, my LO never does that! Also she had a kale smoothie for lunch today!"

....fuck off.

CnAnA · July 2014

Alice doesnt do the screaming tantrums much, but she will suddenly drop to the floor. When I'm holding her hand she drops so hard it pops her shoulder! I just tell her that's fine, I'll carry her.

Her big one is screaming NO! at the top of her lungs. She is spending a lot of alone time in her bed the last week.

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

Count me in. I was joking with someone that my girls have turned into terrible little people. Now don't get me wrong, I would never tell my children they were terrible people! But really, it's bad. I read Parenting by the Book by John Rosenthal, a Christian psychologist, and he has a syndicated parenting column. He calls this stage the awakening toddler, meaning that we're all sinful from birth, but our sweet toddlers' true colors are coming out now that they have a sense of self. And they really believe they are the center of the universe and you are here to please them 24/7. I've never thought about it this way before.

On a somewhat related note, I really liked something he said about modern psychology placing significant blame on parents when our children have behavior problems. He says the best parents in the world could have children capable of doing terrible things, and the worst parents in the world could raise lovely children. It's a shame that so much blame and guilt is put on the mother of the biter, the hitter, the theif, etc... We're all sinners at heart and most parents are doing the best they can but ultimately people have the ability to make freewill decisions. I was thinking about my brother and mom when I read that and burst into tears! My mom always wonders what she did wrong to cause my brother to have drug addiction, depression, anger and rage issues. I just wish she would stop blaming herself!

CnAnA · July 2014

@BabyCarryingVessel‌ my pedi said the same idea, only secular. They *have* been the center of our world, and now they're starting to not be. They are trying to find their place and it's confusing for them.

Mrs_Lady · July 2014

Oh goodness tantrum galore ignoring sometimes works

Ziegeficker · July 2014

Tonight Henry threw a FIT because I offered him ice cream.

LorMor · July 2014

Yes, we've also got Mrs Bossypants here.

I have found with tantrums, often taking her out of the loop (the situation that is causing the frustration) and cuddling her and looking at trees helps. I can't/don't do this with all tantrums, but it really does help when she is frustrated.

stephcarter · July 2014

I'm starting to believe that anyone who said they're kids aren't throwing tantrums bad enough to make you pull your hair out is a fucking liar.

Baileys final tantrum last night (at 11pm) was because I wouldn't let her fall asleep wearing my panties around her neck (she was laying in my bed while I put away laundry). You would've thought I chopped her bears head off the way she freaked out.

Normally I just let her scream and ask her "are you done yet?" And she'll say yes and come sit with me, or run away, scream some more, and slap a wall.

nickschick! · July 2014

We have crying, yelling no and screaming tantrums depending on her mood. I just remind myself she is nearly two and this is normal. We were ttc her when my son was this age. No freaking way am I ready.

wesleycrusher · July 2014

DD generally has really short tantrums. Like she'll get mad and throw something, or lay get mad and lay on the floor, but it's over real quick.

With that being said- she threw her first real tantrum at the donut shop the other day because I wouldn't get her a lollipop. Crying, screaming, hitting- I finally managed to wrangle her outside while carrying a box of a dozen donuts. She laid on the ground outside, and I put the donuts on the table, then she got up and tried knocking the donuts on the floor, then was repeatedly trying to flip the table. Lasted for about 15 minutes before I could finally get her into the car. It was epic and oh so hilarious.

CnAnA · July 2014

@mbm1983 yep. That's when I grab her amd throw her over my shoulder.

StefanieM522 · July 2014

Do you guys have pouting going on as well? We have the tantrums but lately Wesley will pout if he doesn't get his way, full blown head down, lip out pouting. I have no idea where he learned this from, he has even gone so far when outside to sit on the bottom stair with his hands in his lap, lip out and head down. It is kind of funny when he does it but also makes me a little sad.

wesleycrusher · July 2014

Also this past weekend, DD threw blueberries all over the kitchen when she got angry.

I looked at her and pointed and said "You are now punished. I punish thee!"

CnAnA · July 2014

Oh look. She's tantruming right now in the back seat. Because...who knows. She's just a wreck. It's naptime I think.

She's also mad because I "grounded" her from her cousin. Because she was tantruming and yelling NO! at the top of her lungs in the middle of a doc office waiting room.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

Hismom12 said:

E looks at us and tells us bye if he wants us to leave him alone, complete with a wave. I can't help but laugh because he is so serious and acts like we bother him. Does anyone else laugh at these tantrums? Some are so epic that they are hilarious. Of course I don't let him see me laugh, I do it on the inside.

I laugh! ...as long as it's not 4 in the morning and we are at home. I'm with @mbm1983‌ — I usually walk away either because I don't feel like dealing with it or because it's part of my grand plan to ignore it. But I do find them comical, even though I also find them incredibly frustrating. I laugh to keep from crying.

chricast · July 2014

mbm1983 said:

does anyone elses kids raise their arms when you try to pick them up and it feels like you're gonna drop them? mine does that all the time, then kicks wildly. and then throws herself on the ground hiding her face all while screaming "noooooo! nooooo! NO NO NO NO NO!"

i'm way over it. that's why i leave the room. God help me if she does that in public.

We call this the rag doll move. She learned that at a very young age.

wesleycrusher · July 2014

Has @BandEddie been around lately? I don't think I've seen her.

pb_bride · July 2014

@StefanieM522‌ - DS pouts too, but only when he did something bad so either myself or DH yelled an angry "NO" at him. He'll pout, then wait... 5 second later... he'll break into tears. I find that quite hilarious really, and kind of comforted to know that he knew he did something wrong and felt bad about it.

StefanieM522 · July 2014

Yep Wesley pouts when I tell him no and then 10seconds later he looks at me and starts laughing.

morrkim · July 2014

Alexis is doing the full out temper tantrum. She will lay on the floor kicking and screaming and if you are holding her she will throw herself back. If she has something in her hand she will throw it. I gently put her on the ground and just walk away for a few minutes. Unfortunately she usually will not stop on her own, but if I let her cry it out for a little while and then go get her she will calm down.

Somehow DH misses out on most of them. (Probably because he sleeps all morning and then is only up for a few hours before he has to get ready to work.) He commented about never seeing her throw a fit like that. I think that was her third that day and I had been seeing them on a daily basis for several weeks.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

I hate to sound like I'm reveling in your collective misery, but I am really happy to hear Henry's epic tantrums are fairly normal. MIL's comments were making me worry...but I think she has forgotten what it's like to have a young one. Is that just a grandma thing, or what?

I can't wait (not!) until potty training starts so he becomes aware of his bodily functions and can start using those to really amplify his tantrums. My friend's 3 year-old will take her panties off and pee in the middle of the room while giving them a death glare when she's pissed. Or worse...she'll make beautiful works of art...with her shit.

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

@duckobx614, fortunately they don't tantrum together, but most tantrums are set off when I'm paying attention to the other twin or when I pick up the other twin. Not sure what to do about that!!

StefanieM522 · July 2014

Ziegeficker said:

I hate to sound like I'm reveling in your collective misery, but I am really happy to hear Henry's epic tantrums are fairly normal. MIL's comments were making me worry...but I think she has forgotten what it's like to have a young one. Is that just a grandma thing, or what?

I can't wait (not!) until potty training starts so he becomes aware of his bodily functions and can start using those to really amplify his tantrums. My friend's 3 year-old will take her panties off and pee in the middle of the room while giving them a death glare when she's pissed. Or worse...she'll make beautiful works of art...with her shit.

I don't even want to think about this happening! Diapers for life!!!

Mrschica · July 2014

Omfg tantrums. I want to jump out the window.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

Mrschica said:

Omfg tantrums. I want to jump out the window.

Hey! Long time, no see! :-h

chricast · July 2014

When we can't bite now we have started hitting and pinching. GREAT!

LorMor · July 2014

For the biters: have you tried giving them something else to bite, e.g. a toy/some fabric. T has never been much of a biter, but when she gets frustrated she chomps down on something, and that seems to help her.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

BandEddie said:

DuckOBX614 said:

L tantrums more than K. He'll lay down and cry. I usually just let him be and turn my back to him. I don't what I'm going to do if the both start doing it at the same time. @BabyCarryingVessel‌ or @BandEddie‌ do yours tantrum at the same time?

Usually only one at a time. Usually Henry. The girls if they don't get what they want. Henry because it's cloudy, or sunny, or Tuesday, or lunch. God help me.

@BandEddie‌, DO WE HAVE THE SAME HENRY?!?!

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