DH 2 nights at cottage with DS WWYD?

JenK008 · July 2014

Hi,

I am a long time lurker here and often stop here first for searching anything to do with my DS who is now 15 mos old. I know I'm not one of the "regulars" here but I was hoping for a little advice or if you have been in a similar situation with your little ones.

My DH wants to take our DS to the cottage for 2 nights on his own with one of his friends. I have spent 2 nights away for work a couple months ago with no issue but they were home when I was away, ANNDD DS was in daycare during the day both days I was away too!

My internal battle is around:

1 - although DH is a great Dad when he is around, I do 90% of anything related to DS. I'm having a hard time envisioning him at the cottage managing a 15 month old for 2 days alone, and the friend he would be going with is a single guy with limited kid experience himself.

2 - The cottage is 3 hours away from our city and a 20 minute boat ride to an island (we have been there a few times before as a family and it is great!). The distance and the seclusion makes me un-easy. Its also a fairly basic cottage, electric generator, very basic plumbing - this is not an issue for me but it adds an extra element to DH managing DS on his own, when he has never really spent a full day and night alone with him....let alone at the cottage.

3 - I am feeling so guilty about struggling with this. I love my DH, DS loves his Dad....I trust that he will be responsible, its just the lack of DH's experience alone with DS, being at the cottage and sometimes DH has terrible "man moments" where his parental judgement is just off, that is all contributing to the battle!

Im planning to talk about all of this with my DH tonight when he gets home, I have no problems with being up front regarding my hesitations around this...

Am I being crazy for over thinking all of this? What would you do if you were in a similar position?

Thanks for reading!

arschm02 · July 2014

I don't think you're being crazy. All the factors would make me nervous as well. I don't mean to sound rude but why exactly does he want to bring your son? I just know that my H would not be interested in bringing our son to a "bro weekend." That being said, I'm sure your H will do just fine with your son. I think it will come down to trusting your gut. Good luck!

Kate_C · July 2014

Does he feel comfortable that he can handle it? If so, then let them go and have fun. He probably won't do things the same way as you and maybe he'll have junk food for dinner or something, but I'm sure he will survive. Talk with your H about it to make sure he's comfortable, and then let him go!

JenK008 · July 2014

Thanks for the responses and making me feel a bit better. I am leaning toward letting them go and have fun! And you guys are right, he definitely won't do things the same way I do and they probably will eat junk, but they do need to figure things out. DH and I talked last night and he feels confident he can do it!

And the reason he wants to take DS is because I put my foot down and said he cant go to yet another guys get away (this one would be the 3rd already in the last month and a half, and there is another Stag he is going to in a couple weeks), and leave me with a jammed work schedule and DS duty while he spends a relaxing Thurs, Fri away! I do enough of that!

Taking a deep breath, saying a little prayer and sending my boys off for 2 nights!!

Thanks again!

danuli8 · July 2014

As long as there is cell reception on the island so he can call for help if need be, I'd let him go. You know your DH best and if he is a responsible person in general, he will manage just fine.

bhjones1980 · July 2014

JenK008 said:

And the reason he wants to take DS is because I put my foot down and said he cant go to yet another guys get away (this one would be the 3rd already in the last month and a half, and there is another Stag he is going to in a couple weeks), and leave me with a jammed work schedule and DS duty while he spends a relaxing Thurs, Fri away! I do enough of that!

Eeeeeee, I was going to get on board with it until you posted this, so you think the main reason he wants to take DS is so that he can go be with his friends? That would worry me.

Even though my DH does the morning routine by himself every day and takes care of DS 100% when I am out of town on business trips I would still be wary of him taking him on a "guys weekend" where i knew the place wouldnt be baby proofed, the men would be drinking, etc.

JSS1002 · July 2014

I think it will be good for him to figure stuff out on his own without you there. I know I tend to step in too much with dh but when I'm not around to "help" everything gets done just fine... Even if that means pop tarts for dinner and pjs all day.

pinottoparenthood · July 2014

It sounds like he really wants to bond with his son. I think most of us do the majority of the "baby stuff" because we like it done a certain way and it's just easier to do it ourselves.... Maybe this is your opportunity to let dad learn and get more involved so that he can help out more! Ever since I encourages my hubs to take over bath time, it has been so ice to have thirty minutes to myself each evening. I say take the time for yourself, enjoy it, and let your husband figure it out! I don't blame you for being nervous, but he will be fine!

pinottoparenthood · July 2014

cece2682 said:

I am one of the weirdos that doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of DH out with DS alone for an extended period of time and I don't think they have ever gone somewhere

@cece2682 Does your husband know that you believe he is incompetent of taking care of his own child? That seems pretty offensive to me. Also, why did you have a kid with someone you don't trust to care for that kid? Or do you think ALL men are incapable of caring for their own children? Because that's just ridiculous. Sorry, but I think this attitude is harmful toward fostering a great relationship between dad and kid!

Erin10408 · July 2014

cece2682 said:

I am one of the weirdos that doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of DH out with DS alone for an extended period of time and I don't think they have ever gone somewhere alone. Personally, the distance factor alone would be reason enough for me to say hell no. What if something happened god forbid, and I couldnt get to them until 4 hours later! No way Hosea! I personally don't think many men are as careful/attentive as we as women are and would just be worried the entire time. Plus, I don't think I could stand 2 days away from my little man. But that's just me!

Agreed with @pinottoparenthood...If I felt that way towards my husband, and he knew about it, he would be crushed. And I will go out on a limb and say that my husband is MORE careful than I am. Many, many men are wonderful fathers and caretakers...I think a lot of women just won't let them even try.

To the OP...If I were you, I would already be planning what I was going to do with my couple free days. You will miss your kiddo, and I get that you're anxious...I would be too. But he is your husband, and you should trust him.

hatroopes · July 2014

I think you know your husband best so go with your gut. I personally would let them go at this age...when she was younger and still nursing, maybe not. I agree with PP that he won't do things your way but he will figure it out, especially when you're not around as back-up. It's only 2 nights and I think this will be good for both of them.

JSS1002 · July 2014

My husband would be really hurt by this too -- like I said above, he might wear pjs and eat fruit loops for two days (not really), but he'd be safe and loved and probably have a really good time. I went to Chicago overnight right before thanksgiving and I think it was good for my boys!

But -- maybe cece's husband likes it this way since it gets him out of lots of work / effort. :-)

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