Am I overreacting? LONG! Opinions appreciated

MommaY4814 · July 2014

FTM here!!

So..I've been lurking
on here ever since I got my BFP in August but never had a need/desire to post until now. However, my 3 month old son has recently started having fits of pain with what seems to be teething. (Swollen gums, wanting to chew on anything, moans when gums are rubbed) I've tried to relieve him with cold rags, teething rings, and finally my (CLEAN) finger. Well, MIL finds out from DH that he's cutting teeth...and comes over from her job at the bank.We don't have the BEST relationship anyway because she can be a little pushy when it comes to how careful I try to be with DS. Anyways, she comes in and I give him to her and walk in the next room to wash his bottles while she spends time with DS. In the meantime she asks "so you think he's cutting teeth?" And I reply with "yes I'm pretty sure because.. (list of symptoms)" and she says "yeah he must be because he's wanting to chew on something." I look up from washing bottles (I have a window opening that looks into the living room) and sure enough she has her finger in his mouth! She didn't wash her hands, ask if I minded, nothing!!! At this point I'm fuming but play dumb and say "oh Is he chewing on his pasi or something?" And she replied "no, my finger." I don't respond due to the fact I thought I would spit fire I was so mad. I realize it was my fault that I didn't ask her to wash her hands to begin with! But I honestly didn't imagine she would be sticking her fingers in his mouth!! And I try to be careful with what I say around MIL anyway because she feels like she's raised 3 and knows the ropes. And when I have asked her to not do things with DS she ignores me and pretends I didn't say anything. So what I really want to know...is...am I overreacting by not wanting this to go on? How do I handle this situation without causing WW3 but also taking care of my son? Cut it to me straight...

smashton14th · July 2014

Honestly, my MIL is the same. I just have gotten used to politely telling her how i feel. The same thing happened with my DD. I just asked her if she could please not put her fingers in his mouth without washing her hands. Next came when she tried to give her candy, and iced tea around 6 months. I do not let her do it just because she is my MIL, but i do try to be respectful at the same time.

*sparky* · July 2014

I would assume she is gone now and the situation has passed. If that is the case I would not really do anything about it at this point. Our parents' generation just did things so much differently and this is something that would not have been a big deal to them. I am not saying I would want my MIL putting her fingers in my kid's mouth but it would not shock me if she did. When people come over I ask them to wash their hands before they hold the baby. So I would say next time ask her to wash her hands before you hand your LO to her. Then if she puts her fingers in his mouth just say something while she's doing it. You don't have to yell at her or anything - just say please don't do that and give her a pacifier to use instead. If you bring it up after the fact though it just feels like it's a much bigger issue.

hordol · July 2014

I agree with @Priss08‌. It really wouldn't be a big deal to me. I stick my finger in DS's mouth all the time without washing my hands (he prefers a finger to a paci) and I bet most people will think I'm gross. Lol. I'm not even close to being a germophobe.

But...I guess it is more sanitary to wash your hands, so I could see why you would be upset. You don't need to make it a big deal though. Just remind her to wash her hands next time.

MommaY4814 · July 2014

Thank you all for the great responses considering I rambled and felt like an 8th grader writing a dramatic narrative essay like @AprilMay9‌ said

) I looked up the amber necklace and will definitely give it a try! And I'm going to move my hand sanitizer by the front door instead of expecting visitors to "know" to wash their hands.

Mamamonzo · July 2014

Priss08 said:
I may be in the minority on this but I don't see this as a big problem. A bit annoying, yes but not that bad. It's not like a stranger put their finger in his mouth.

It's the fact that she works at a bank and was touching money I think.

hlm184 · July 2014

I'm the opposite of a germophobe, it wouldn't have bothered me at all.

TallaB · July 2014

The dog is always licking the babies mouth here. I think we have bigger problems than worrying about clean hands. A couple more months and you'll wish it was dirty fingers babies were sticking in their mouth. Germs build immunity!

Avion22 · July 2014

Honestly, I don't think hand sanitizer is the way to go. It's alcohol-based. Try rubbing it on your hands, then stick your finger in YOUR mouth and see how you like it. Plus it just puts a layer between he germs/dirt and the mouth, it doesn't actually kill or remove germs. If you're going to be compulsive about hand-washing, then go with warm soapy water and a clean towel. Honestly, unless you sanitize absolutely everything in your house every few minutes (door handles, phone, computer keyboard) and use disposable hand towels, then even freshly-washed hands aren't going to be perfectly clean for very long either.

I know it's annoying that she put her unwashed finger in your kid's mouth without asking first...but this would not be a hill I would die on.

fourthnlast · July 2014

KendraColeslaw said:

Vinny424 said:

Avion22 said:
Honestly, I don't think hand sanitizer is the way to go. It's alcohol-based. Try rubbing it on your hands, then stick your finger in YOUR mouth and see how you like it. Plus it just puts a layer between he germs/dirt and the mouth, it doesn't actually kill or remove germs. If you're going to be compulsive about hand-washing, then go with warm soapy water and a clean towel. Honestly, unless you sanitize absolutely everything in your house every few minutes (door handles, phone, computer keyboard) and use disposable hand towels, then even freshly-washed hands aren't going to be perfectly clean for very long either.

I know it's annoying that she put her unwashed finger in your kid's mouth without asking first...but this would not be a hill I would die on.
I don't think it's the regular household "germs" she's worried about. Money is gross. Most money has particles of cocaine, shit, staph, bacteria and viruses. Your toilet is usually cleaner than money. I don't think it's too unreasonable to say to the lady that handles money all day to clean a little.
Don't forget strippers' vaginas all over the singles.

You win. Can't stop laughing

)

MissHSoonToBeMrsS · July 2014

Ugh I worked at a bank during college. I had to stop myself from gagging when one of my trainees licked her fingers so she could flip through the money. That shit is dirrrrrrty.

Mustardseed2007 · July 2014

You're right that it's gross, and you are overreacting. Next time you see her do it, just say, "please don't put your nasty, money handling hands in my kid's mouth."

And if she argues, just say "please humor me. I am a crazy mom, but I can't help it."

strawberrytree · July 2014

I am very lax on germs but that would annoy me too. Mostly because it's someone else's germs, not mine. I wouldn't start ww3 over it though. "Mil please give LO this chew toy instead of your finger. We don't like him gumming on fingers."

Chew toy sounds like a dog toy but you know what I mean

.

MommaY4814 · July 2014

It's most definalty because she works at the bank! I mean, when I worked at a daycare I knew it would be best to wash my hands when I got home to prevent all the viruses from spreading to my family. By no means am I a "germaphobe".

smushi · July 2014

Eeek, I'm in the 'stick my finger in the kid's mouth' camp... I do that constantly when he's crying (but I give him a knuckle, not the whole finger). I also am realistic and keep my hands washed, though, and when I can't wash, I use unscented hand sanitizer before I do. If she tries it again, just walk up to her, stick the stuff in her face, and say here, use this (very nonchalantly, just something you expect everyone to do). No normal person refuses that... If she does, then hand her a teething toy and say "Use this, it will be cleaner." She'll get the point

MommaY4814 · July 2014

I might as well give DS soap in HIS MOUTH to clean that crap out!! Nasty

) @ImnAtari‌ @Vinny424‌ @fourthnlast‌ @KendraColeslaw‌ kidding! But thanks everyone for your opinion!! Guess It was kind of a rant as well. I just needed another opinion besides the over protective mom in my head

katiedidthat · July 2014

Eh, I'm in the not a big deal camp. I have stuck my fingers in both my kids mouths and I don't stop to wash my hands every time. In fact, I was just at walmart with my youngest (the preemie) and I forgot his binky in the car so I spent pretty much the entire trip with one knuckle or another in his mouth. If you were that worried about the germs you should have had her wash her hands before handing him to her, unless you were going to stand there and stop her from touching his paci, hands, feet, bib, anything really, since at this age EVERYTHING goes into baby's mouth. Let it go this time and next time she's around just remind her to wash her hands. Its even possible she did so at work before coming over and this is all about nothing.

MommaY4814 · July 2014

@katiedidthat‌ Your completely right, she may have! First reaction was just "yuck, filthy money hands!" Didn't even think of her washing before. Thanks!

AcaAwkward · July 2014

Wouldn't really have me up in arms except for the money-handling part. That shit is pretty gross. I like @aprilmay's suggestion of "oh hey, here's a teether for him to chew on" instead of "WASH YO HANDS, WOMAN."

nikkimorello · July 2014

My nephew had a thing for chewing on people's chins. If you held him, your face was fair game, stranger or not. Babies chew on things. Germs build their immune systems.

dmosquera4 · July 2014

i think you are overreacting a little bit... mother in laws are a bit annoying sometimes but that just come with having a baby same as with your parents they are going to have a list of opinions no matter what.

and as for the clean finger??? ummmm i barely get to wash my hands during the day, babies are going to eat dirt and eventually get sick, and by now im guessing you LO has had his first round of shots? unless your mother in law was in a pig fight rolling on dirt i wouldnt worry too much about it, just as long its not a every day occurrence.

people often forget too, to wash and sanitize before touching a baby so just ask very nicely before handing LO next time, do you mind washing your hands? i mean she cant get mad about that??? its common sense. im sure she will be like oh yea i forgot

MamaFantastic · July 2014

it would have bothered me and i would have immediately said something. no need to make a big deal out of it in the words you choose or in the mental dialogue that precedes the words. just ask her to wash her hands, simple as that. i wouldn't even apologize about it as though you're the crazy one... just ask her to wash her hands next time (and every time).

also... i'm evidently a 4th grader. is that really your last name?

Avion22 · July 2014

I guess I'm wondering what would make everyone automatically assume that she hasn't washed her hands after touching money? It seems like anyone who has ever worked with money realizes how nasty it is, and can't wait to wash their hands after work. So why the assumption that she didn't wash her hands? Did she say something to make the OP think this?

Assuming she washed her hands after work, her hands were no dirtier than anyone else who hadn't washed their hands in the last 30 seconds.

MommaY4814 · July 2014

@MamaFantastic‌ LOL!!! Maiden name! B-) it carried over from "The Nest"! Don't ask how it's pronounced. No one ever says it correctly.
@Avion22‌ I agree she could have possibly washed her hands before, but I usually assume she hasn't due to the fact she has never really been precautions about things like this! But I'm bad scout jumping to conclusions anyway

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