I do not smoke. Never have. Recently, a nurse and I were discussing smoking around pregos and babies. For me, it's a big No No. She informed me that second hand smoke is on clothing of people who smoke. It can cause lung problems, heart problems, a higher risk of SIDs and low birth weight etc, as we all know. Well, my husband's grandma is a huge smoker. As in, smelling like an ashtray horribly, all the time. She's even tried smoking in the car when I'm around and people have to
Tell her not too. (She's 56) I'm usually good at putting my foot down, but I've already had so many problems with her, I need advice on how to tell her that she needs to change clothes before coming to see our baby.
Many nurses have said for all smokers coming to see my child to have a change of clothes that do not smell, wash hands etc.
Keep in mind, his grandma is a very selfish person. She has no concern for other people's health, and thinks I do not want her around my child ever, because she's a smoker.
Re: Second hand smoke. please help!
My parents smoke, my mom will wash her hands and smoke outside so she doesn't reek of it. My dad on the other hand doesn't care so much. He doesn't care to hold the baby when they are that little anyways, but he would smoke outside and stand next to DD. We would yell at him and tell him to move his stinky cigarette away. Tell them why its bad. I've told him that's how kids get asthma and allergies. You could send some reports about the threats of 3rd hand smoke and how it affects the kid, but im sure your grandmother already knows this even though she is being stubborn about it. I've also suggested those e-cigarettes to my dad. That way if he is so gun-ho to kill his lungs, the rest of us don't have to smell him.
If none of that works, then no holding baby. Make it clear.
My husband's grandma. I'm twenty and my husband is twenty one. My husband's mother is only 38.
Oh.
I don't see how I'm overreacting. Just because I'm twenty years old, has nothing to do with the fact. I know the affects smoking has on people. My grand father is dying of lung cancer because of smoking and my mother, who was has exposed to his second hand smoke as a child has extremely bad asthma.
Call it what you want.
DH's aunt is a heavy smoker. We don't see her very often (5-6 times per year?). She voluntarily offered to not smoke around DS, and we told her that we appreciated that. I would never ask her to change clothes or wash her hands/hair before holding DS or DD though. Honestly, such limited 3rd hand exposure will not hurt your child.
If she was your regular babysitter then that's an issue, but an occasional cuddle with a smoker (who is not actively smoking) is no big deal, IMHO.
Oscar born October 2011
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)
DD due September 1, 2014
That being said, don't play games. Make it simple and just flat out tell her she needs clean clothes and washed hands. She will react however she wants to, she'll either comply or throw a fit but that's on her.
Married 1/2/99.
TTC since 4/09.
Diagnosed PCOS. Diagnosed Hypothryoid 11/09.
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I didn't realize third hand smoke had a name until our prenatal classes. I have horrible horrible allergies to anything green outside, dogs, and smoke. I have known for years that I, as an adult, cannot be around people who smell like smoke, even if they're not smoking right then, because my allergies act up. No way would I subject a child to that - esp considering a lot of allergies are hereditary (nm cancer and other health risks).
DH and I are on the same page about it, but it really helps that we don't really have anyone in our lives who are more than just the occasional smokers (and they wouldn't hold or hang out with LO if they had).
GL
I, however, was always a people pleaser when I was younger and never stood up for myself. After I got my allergy testing done, I told my mom that if my uncle (chain smoker) came over to my parents' house (I was home from university at the time ) for Christmas, he would have to smoke outside due to my allergies. My mom has a real soft spot for my uncle and will never tell him no, so I flat out told him (politely) that he would have to smoke outside because of my allergies and I didn't want to get sick over it. I was worried because I knew my mom wasn't on the same page (dad was however - not that I had any intention of playing them off each other and starting a fight). It was fine. He respected my request and kinda smoked outside. It was -40' temperature, so he smoked out the window. I was fine with that compromise.
Tl;dr it's not relevant to your situation bc grandma is not agreeing, but often when you stand up for your beliefs / health (or LO's) people will respect your wishes more easily than you thought.
How often is grandma going to see baby? If it's once or twice a month for no more than an hour or two at a time, I would make sure she comes to your house, doesn't smoke in the house or around baby, and you have a clean shirt for her to change into while she's there.
If it's more often than that, prepare for battle. But I'd stick to your guns. No baby time until you're comfortable with the situation. I bet she changes her tune.
Zoe Nicole: 8/21/14
Due again: 1/17/18
My MIL is selfish and opinionate. I make sure my husband is really firm with her. Since it's his mother, I want the rules to come from him. I deal with my own mother's "moments". Make sure he stands up for YOU and the rules you've set as a couple.
Fortunately, my dad quit smoking when I was 13. No one else around me smokes, so it's not a battle I have to fight.