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Intro with a question

PeaceofKiaPeaceofKia member
edited July 2014 in Blended Families
Hello all, I've lurked for a while now but have finally mustered up the courage to make an intro and ask my question. I'm a 28 y/o mom to a 6 year old DD and am recently engaged to my BF of almost three years. We are expecting our first child together due in February and are very excited. My daughter loves him and we're very blessed to be so happy together. My question is, she has a dad who is fully involved financially but partially involved physically (maybe a few times a year). I don't want to take custody from him but would like my fiancé to have guardianship over my daughter after we get married. Is that possible?
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Re: Intro with a question

  • ambrvanambrvan member
    As in if something happened to you, you want her to be able to stay with your FI? That would involve a step parent adoption, which BF would have to consent to (meaning giving up all legal rights to his daughter). CS would cease.

    But since he pays his CS, I think it would be very hard to accomplish this.

    Why does he only see her a few times a year? Distance? Unless he is a total douche or abusive (as a father, not as an ex), step parent adoption is probably not going to happen in this case.

    That being said, I am considered a legal guardian of my SD without having adopted her. I would have to go to court if something happened to DH to retain physical custody. But I have been the one to enroll her in school, sign medical papers, etc.
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  • PeaceofKiaPeaceofKia member
    edited July 2014
    He sees her when it's convenient for him. We used to live 6 miles apart before we moved out of state and she only saw him maybe on weekend a month. He had to pass our house on his route to and from work everyday but I digress... So she's with us 90% of the year. Legal guardianship will probably be the best bet, I know he wouldn't go for giving up his custody. He likes to think he's a more present dad than he is.

    @ambrvan‌, how did you go about becoming the legal guardian?
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    It was established in our custody agreement. BM had to agree to it, also.

    My SD only gets supervised visitation with her BM, so I am listed on all contact information (school, dr, sports, whatever) as the mother.

    With that in mind, parental rights still trump mine. If BM ever brought proof of biological relationship, she could override anything that my H has not authorized. For major medical decisions (i.e. surgery) my H must consent unless an emergency.

    And if DH ever died, BM would get custody. I could go to court over it, but honestly, I think as long as she continues to stay out of trouble, she would be favored over me because of biology.

    Each state is different. You should consult an attorney. I know in some states, it is as simple as drawing up a statement of authorized responsibility and having all parties sign and get it notarized. But I would say that is not the norm.
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