January 2013 Moms

Update in OP: Guess it's just that time of year...

martha919martha919 member
edited July 2014 in January 2013 Moms
My H doesn't know how to control his anger. He gets irrationally upset about the smallest things, and he throws things like scissors and knives and breaks phones and computers when he's mad. This morning he woke me up screaming at me about yet another ridiculously small thing. I told him he needed to stop talking to me like that, and he told me I need to admit that I'm wrong (?).

Anyway, long story short, at the end of the fight he told me to leave, took off and threw his wedding ring, and then told me that once I step out of the house he never wants to see me again. Wtf. So, Millie and I are staying with my parents for the time being. I'm not going back unless he agrees to therapy for his anger, or if he leaves the house. I'm so tired of shaking with fear when he's mad, waiting for the day that he hits me. On top of all of that, he's very critical and nothing I do is ever good enough.

I'm surprisingly calm and I'm actually expecting a call from my priest at some point, which would be welcome. I hope we can figure this out, but if not...well, at least my parents live close.

Thanks for listening.

***UPDATE***

I finally got to speak to DH and my priest today. DH agreed to think about counseling...I told him that I didn't think he understands how important this is. Well, he was quiet after that, but our priest called him later today and informed me I "have DHs attention", so that's good. Still have a long road, but he's always said no to counseling before, so this is progress.

We're home now after having fun with Nanna and my sister. DD slept horribly so hopefully tonight is better with her in her own bed. :-)
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Re: Update in OP: Guess it's just that time of year...

  • You poor thing.. Good for you for recognizing that it's time to demand action or walk. From experience, abusive relationships like this tend to continue escalating if help is sought out and embraced. I am glad you have a good support system in place IRL but i am so sorry you are dealing with this. My thoughts and ample hugs are with you, we're all here for you hon.
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    7/5/11 MC at 8 weeks. 5/17/12 BFP, twins EDD 1/20/13! 6/20/12 Baby B's heart has stopped beating. 8/31/12 Baby A is a boy! And is perfectly healthy and thriving. 1/19/2013 emergency c-section, Thoren is perfect. 3/1/2013 told i will never be able to conceive again. 12/16/13 told they were wrong! 


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  • Oh man. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Nobody deserves to be scared living in their home /scared of their so. It sounds it is the right thing to get out of that home, especially with a LO. Sending big hugs and I will be keeping you and Lo in my T&P's
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  • Oh wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like your H needs some serious counseling and needs to decide what's important to him. Keep yourself and your LO safe! It's good to hear your parents are close.

    My H has a bad temper, he will break things sometimes and yell, not at me much and never at DS. I've never really been scared of him but recently after he blew up at his brother I sat down and discussed his anger. He agrees it's not how he wants to be, and if he cannot control it and find a better solution to dealing with his anger he will seek professional help. 

    Henry Cavill...You're welcome!

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    BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
    BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
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  • I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but so proud of your attitude! I hope that you will be able to work through the issues with the help of a therapist, providing he is willing, but if not, stick to your guns. You don't deserve to be talked to or treated in such a way. Thinking of you and your sweet girl.
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  • Thank you all so much. I have no IRL friends that I'm comfortable talking about this with, so I'm feeling pretty lonely. I mean, obviously my parents are helping, but I just really wish I could call DH like I usually do when I'm upset. :-( You guys are awesome!
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  • I am so sorry @martha919 and I hope that you know you have support here to continue to be strong.  That kind of anger is just scary and can escalate so easily.  Stay safe and keep posting!

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  • Im so sorry you are going through that. Good for you to leave if you dont feel safe. My husband comes from a family where he regularly saw his dad physically abuse his mother. He is the opposite if he gets that angry he will leave before he says something he regrets. Honestly though it made his mother leave her children with a sorry piece of crap and be abused themselves so h has no respect for her either. My point is im glad you left baby girl doesnt deserve to see her mama be abused verbally mentally or physical. Hopefully he will acknowledge the problem and get some help. Good for you for reaching out to your pastor. If you need to talk im here and willing.
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  • I am sorry to hear this. Nobody should ever need to live in that type of fear! I am glad your parents are so close you can stay with them. Stay strong mama and know we are always here for you!
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  • What is it with some of the J13 husbands this month? I am so sorry!  I'm glad you listened to your instinct telling you that your H has the potential to be physical when he is in a rage.  It's just so completely unacceptable.  I really hope that he can admit to his fault and will seek help.  Keep us updated.
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  • I'm so sorry you are going through. You and Millie should not live in fear. Stay safe mama!
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  • I'm so sorry to hear this. Glad to hear that you have some support nearby. I hope that YH can get the help he needs to be a supportive father and partner. 

    Hugs to you and Millie!

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  • So sorry you are going through this. You know I understand to a point. You deserve to be happy and not be fearful! Ever! That behavior when you have a child is unacceptable. Good luck mama and reach out to me if you need a vent! Hugs!

    BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12

    BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks

    BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14


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  • Ugh that is sickening. Good for you for leaving and staying strong. You are being a good example for your LO!
    IVF/ICSI #1 - BFP, DS born Jan 2013
    IVF/ICSI #2 - BFP, DD born Feb 2015
    IVF FET - BFP, due April 2017


  • Well, DH and I haven't spoken at all this entire day. I usually call 3-4 times during the day to touch base, so that feels really shitty and weird. I'm so sad. I really hate this.

    On the other hand, I've had quite the relaxing evening with my parents and sister who's home from school for the summer, and DDs been thoroughly entertained by their dogs and cat all day. I guess that's good.

    This just blows. I did try calling this evening but he didn't answer.
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  • ema10ema10 member
    So sorry to hear this. I'm glad you have family close by to help you during this time.
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  • Glad to hear there has been positive progress. Hopefully an upward trend will follow. Send lots of cyber hugs!
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  • Why are you calling him?? Let him call you. :-) stay strong mama!
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  • Great update! FX things continue on the right path!

    BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12

    BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks

    BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14


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  • Way to go priest!!!  Awesome that you have a third neutral party to bring a little perspective to the relationship for both of you.  I really hope your DH follows up with counseling....it will make HIM happier as well as you.  It can't be any more fun to be the angry and depressed one (just as it's not fun to be the one who the anger is directed against.)  I feel your pain on this one, so let's hope we both see some progress in the coming year.
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