Greedy

mccall0113 · July 2014

At the risk of sounding greedy: I really hope someone will offer to have a shower for me. No one has yet.

I'm pretty much starting over as my first 2 from another marriage are 12 & 9. I really could use some support. I feel so unprepared. Does everyone have one planned yet (everyone that is having one)?

mander82 · July 2014

I am planning my own, but that's normal for every shower I have been to. I will get lots of help, but I am making all the decisions and delegating tasks to my helpers. Can you throw yourself one, or do you think your friends/family would frown upon that?

mccall0113 · July 2014

I think my mom would disown me. Lol

thedjinn88 · July 2014

Mine is in the process of being planned, I don't think my friend ever offered lol she is my best friends and my SO sister, we all just knew she was I guess since well it's being planned, but I did do hers 2 yrs ago as well. In sure some one will start planning soon. It's still early.

thedjinn88 · July 2014

Oh and I didn't have one with dd, no one had offered and really I didn't think about it. Just so you know it's not a weird thing. Some people just figure it's already covered I'm sure.

Maelara · July 2014

mccall0113 said:

I think my mom would disown me. Lol

Then ask if she will do it. Or drop hints.

phdprocrastinator · July 2014

There are so many valid reasons to have a second shower, but some people shy away from offering because it's "not done." I'd drop some hints to close family and friends about ALL the baby stuff you're going to need to get as you've - clearly - gotten rid of everything in the 9 years since your youngest was born.

Even if no one offers a shower, I would also make a registry. Many STM+ are doing on this board; it's nice to do as you will at least get the registry completion discount and keeps you organized. Then, if anyone asks if there's anything you need, you can mention that you have a registry at XYZ store to keep you organized and that anything off the registry would be greatly appreciated.

jibell · July 2014

This is our third and considering our other kids are only 2 and 4 we still have all our baby stuff so I doubt here will be a shower, we didn't have one with #2 either...

AnnieRoo13 · July 2014

I don't know whether it's considered greedy or not, but depending on where you live second (or third) showers might be taboo. I've never heard of anyone having one around here to be honest, but I've heard that they're not uncommon in certain areas.

The baby shower board will tell you that showers are to welcome you to motherhood, which you are already a part of. Personally I could care less what you do, but I likely wouldn't have a second shower myself. Again, it's just not really done around here.

JamieK1882 · July 2014

Second showers are also not the norm here despite how many years between. I agree with the idea of creating a registry to at least get some discounts!

whoaitsnikki · July 2014

No one offered to throw me one so DH and I decided to start planning it on our own. We are going to be using his moms house so it's almost like she is throwing it for us. I totally understand that feeling though. Most people have someone that throws it for them. I thought about that the other day and was down for a minute. It'll be ok though. Just plan your own!

Nfranco973 · July 2014

If you can throw yourself one why not. Btw I think I may have reported someone by mistake lol you have to excuse me I'm in crazy pain right now trying to scroll and read.

ccam · July 2014

2nd showers are pretty uncommon here and I personally think they're kind of tacky, no offense. Like the PP said, a shower is to welcome you into motherhood not to provide you with infant essentials. First, second or tenth kid, moms should not expect a shower.

What about a sprinkle? I've heard of those around here - thrown by someone else for a 2nd+ pregnancy, much smaller than the regular shower. Maybe your mom would go for that?

absolutelymaybe · July 2014

mccall0113 said:

At the risk of sounding greedy: I really hope someone will offer to have a shower for me. No one has yet. I'm pretty much starting over as my first 2 from another marriage are 12 & 9. I really could use some support. I feel so unprepared. Does everyone have one planned yet (everyone that is having one)?

I'm not Miss Etiquette on baby showers. Honestly, I don't have a problem with second showers, especially when there is a big gap between kids and if the father is different (like your case). They're pretty common place where I live.

I have a bit of an issue with the above bolded statement.

It's YOUR kid. It's YOUR job to buy stuff for it. And, honestly, I don't know how people buying you stuff equals "support".

And I disagree with previous posters, you shouldn't throw your own baby shower. Especially not when you are doing it for a third child and it's just to get stuff...er, support. That's just waaaaay too gift grabby.

ETA: I'm really surprised how nice everyone is being on this thread. This would get flamed like no other anywhere else.

Edit: typo

emoxymoose · July 2014

absolutelymaybe said:

mccall0113 said:

At the risk of sounding greedy: I really hope someone will offer to have a shower for me. No one has yet. I'm pretty much starting over as my first 2 from another marriage are 12 & 9. I really could use some support. I feel so unprepared. Does everyone have one planned yet (everyone that is having one)?

I'm not Miss Etiquette on baby showers. Honestly, I don't have a problem with second showers, especially when there is a big gap between kids and if the father is different (like your case). They're pretty common place where I live.

I have a bit of an issue with the above bolded statement.

It's YOUR kid. It's YOUR job to buy stuff for it. And, honestly, I don't know how people buying you stuff equals "support".

And I disagree with previous posters, you shouldn't throw your own baby shower. Especially not when you are doing it for a third child and it's just to get stuff...er, support. That's just waaaaay too gift grabby.

ETA: I'm really surprised how nice everyone is being on this thread. This would get flamed like no other anywhere else.

Edit: typo

----------------quote box fail---------------

Lol! I was reading through the responses and was like... Well I don't want to mess up all the glitter and rainbows here.

But since you said something, I think it's totally tacky to throw yourself a shower. It's having a party for yourself and asking people to buy you stuff. I always think to myself, why not just use the money you spent on the shower to buy your baby stuff?

As far as showers for the second etc. child, I don't care. I wouldn't do it myself but to each their own. I can say that I've gone to a few depending on who it was for.

Edit: formatting

ElinJ · July 2014

So glad others said it's tacky to throw your own shower, that's my feeling too. However, I don't see it as being as big of deal if SOMEONE ELSE throws a shower for a mom who hasn't had a baby in nearly a decade. I understand the idea of a baby shower as welcoming someone into motherhood, but let's face it, it is also seen nowadays as a way to help out a mother by purchasing much needed supplies.

Oh, and my gripe, when a second shower is thrown simple because Baby 2 is of the opposite sex. I'm sorry but there is ABSOLUTELY no reason why a boy can't use a pink swing, pink highchair, etc. I guess if you want to sell yours to buy another one that's your prerogative but I highly roll my eyes. I'm also Team Green second go round, as I was the first, so perhaps I have a skewed viewpoint.

creativesoul83 · July 2014

I am a ftm. where I am from most do not have a second or more showers. however with that much age difference I could understand.

however throwing your own whoo hoo hoo women around here would tear you up, as well if your mom throws it. It comes across gift grabby. huge no-no round these parts.

this is our first but have gone and bought a ton of used clothes and a few other items. We can afford new but in my opinion why?? The child is to young to be upset about second hand plus as quick as they grow I don't want to go spend crazy. We bought crib and changing table used. I could care less more money for other essentials that need to be new.diapers, bottles, papacifiers etc..

My sil gives me a hard time saying I bought everything so no one has anything left to buy for us. My thought is not a bad problem to have.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but it doesn't sound greedy more so dependent and slightly entitled. You are having this baby and it is your responsibility to take care of it. already having children you should know how to make ends meet and but rely on others.

good luck

Kehlepop · July 2014

I'm torn. My cousin is having a shower for her third because the first two were girls and this one is a boy. I might be a little jealous because her shower is only 2 months before mine, but I find it silly and unnecessary.
I'm on the fence about yours because this sounds like it's your husband's first baby. His family might enjoy it. Have you talked to him about it? What does his mom think?

For the love of cupcakes, do NOT throw your own shower or expect lots of gifts. Maybe you could wait and throw a meet the baby party after it's born.

mccall0113 · July 2014

Thanks for the feedback. I should have specified support as being moral support. Not financial in any way. I m hoping this baby is loved and accepted as my first two. Being a little older and married for the second time I'm not so sure how my family feels about our new addition.

ProcessofBecoming · July 2014

I'm also older, and both my DS and this baby are from my second marriage. Most folks don't even know I am pregnant yet (I haven't announced publicly or at work; I'm older and was worried about the pregnancy, but it's getting pretty obvious I'm pregnant now, so it will happen imminently).

My son is 2, and I'm having another boy. It didn't even cross my mind about having another shower. If anything, folks at work might chip in and get the new baby something once he is born, but I fully anticipate having to buy what we need (another crib, furniture, a double stroller, additional camera for the baby monitor, whatever crap that I deem a "must have" that's come out since my son was born) on our own. I don't know what the norm is or isn't, but I've never been invited to a second baby shower.

I personally love the Pass It On sales, Facebook mom swaps, craigslist, and stuff like that. If you know what you're looking for, you can get great deals. There are some things I will buy new for this baby, like the crib. But we saved everything from DS, and it's all in great shape, so we'll be using that stuff mostly.

mslynn2012 · July 2014

IMO - super tacky to throw yourself a shower, especially if you already have kids... just gift grabby.

Those who want to get you gifts, will. Otherwise, suck it up and get to shopping!

kaimee27 · July 2014

mccall0113 said:

Thanks for the feedback. I should have specified support as being moral support. Not financial in any way. I m hoping this baby is loved and accepted as my first two. Being a little older and married for the second time I'm not so sure how my family feels about our new addition.

I can understand wanting to know that your family feels happy about your new addition. That being said, I don't think that a baby shower will make or break this in any way. My mom was thrown a shower for my little sister-who is almost 12 years younger than me, but she didn't ask for it or expect one. I would say if there's someone in your family that you're close to and could talk to about your worries that this baby might not feel as accepted, then that might be the route to go. Honestly though, I doubt that this baby will be any less loved than the first two.

Kristy774 · July 2014

I'm having two showers thrown for me for my 3rd baby. I also have 2 boys and this ones a boy. I don't really need anything. DH and I are more then prepared financially for this baby but my friends want to throw me one and my mom wants to throw me one.

Not only am I having 2 showers for my 3rd boy I don't give 2 fucks what anyone thinks about it. That being said, I'd ask someone to throw me one before I threw one myself. I didn't ask for the 2 I'm having, but I'm not going to refuse them either.

kikimeemee · July 2014

I suppose a person can throw their own shower if no one will for you, but as a guest I don't believe I'd attend the shower for a mother that's had one in the past, no matter how many years separate the children. (Exceptions would be for a sister/ close friend).

I wouldn't be skipping out to prove a point but because attending weddings, showers, and graduation parties is expensive and I can't say yes to all b/c of cost.

You'll probably get gifts but perhaps not as many as round one.

lisaren · July 2014

kyliedaniellexx said:
Yeah, also team tacky here. Don't throw your own shower. Don't, for the love of glob, have a shower for a THIRD BABY.

It's not other people's fault you are unprepared. It's not their fault that you got rid of everything from your first two, and if you're going to have a baby you can't go relying on other people to "support" you - aka - buy you all the shit you need. Support does not mean they need to buy your kid's crap for you.

What you need to do is suck it up, budget, and find a way to make it work.

My husband and I are very financially secure and we had a shower for third baby and fourth

We requested no gifts, just a get together. That's how we roll

People still brought clothes and other shit. I sent thank you cards. Life was fuckin fabulous!

Who the hell cares!!!! Damn

Not directed to you Kylie, but people have get all weird about stupid shit.

Where I'm from people have a party because it's fuckin Wednesday.

Kristy774 · July 2014

lisaren said:

kyliedaniellexx said:
Yeah, also team tacky here. Don't throw your own shower. Don't, for the love of glob, have a shower for a THIRD BABY.

It's not other people's fault you are unprepared. It's not their fault that you got rid of everything from your first two, and if you're going to have a baby you can't go relying on other people to "support" you - aka - buy you all the shit you need. Support does not mean they need to buy your kid's crap for you.

What you need to do is suck it up, budget, and find a way to make it work.

My husband and I are very financially secure and we had a shower for third baby and fourth

We requested no gifts, just a get together. That's how we roll
People still brought clothes and other shit. I sent thank you cards. Life was fuckin fabulous!

Who the hell cares!!!! Damn

Not directed to you Kylie, but people have get all weird about stupid shit.

Where I'm from people have a party because it's fuckin Wednesday.

My thoughts exactly.

Nfranco973 · July 2014

I totally agree with Lisaren & kristy774 .. Just because you have a 2 or 3 shower doesn't mean you are not financially stable. I'm having a third and no one has to give shit it's just about the time shared with family and friends.

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