Am I the only one?

kaiyagirl29 · July 2014

I feel so bad for my DH but pretty much this whole pregnancy, I've had NO interest in sex whatsoever. We had it a little here and there up until February but Valentines day was the last time we did the deed! And I feel so bad for him. I try to explain how I feel and he doesn't pressure me or anything but I feel like a bad wife. Plus there's 6 more weeks you gotta add onto not doing it once the baby's born. I'm due in August and they're taking her at 39 weeks by CS so I've got a little less than 6 weeks to go. I have just been feeling like crap and having a lot of pain and pressure in my pelvic area. Plus this LO has been head down the whole time so I've been pretty miserable the whole pregnancy....with the first trimester being typical.... Nausea, fatigue, etc. With my son (1st pregnancy) I wanted sex normally and we had it up until he was born. This one, not so much! I feel like I'm alone here cause all the guys at his job talk about how their wives wanted it all the time and it was amazing! Why am I so different? Anyone else having these issues?

lexxctpx · July 2014

Totes normal, me too. Thankfully H and I don't really give a damn and are in full baby mode.

I'd say maybe you'll feel more like it once you hit 39-40 weeks to get things going, but since you're having a c-section I suppose that couldn't really be motivation.

We've had this discussion a lot on the August board, and you're definitely not alone. You're certainly not a bad wife. I know society tends to think of dudes as sex fiends, but I have a hunch they really don't care that much. Don't sweat it, just be comfortable and chillax until delivery!

kaiyagirl29 · July 2014

Thanks for the kind words. My husband started that whole "do you not love me or find me attractive anymore?" Stuff too. And no matter what I said, he'd think that. So finally I sat him down to explain the pain and pressure I was having....and him going to my last OB appointment helped, because my Dr explained, right in front of him, what all this pressure/pain was. One day I even brought on the tears and told him what I was going through and how bad I felt for not having sec with him and he explained how he just wants to be close and affectionate then. So hopefully this helps us. I just am glad to see I'm normal! Lol. I still feel bad though....just telling myself that this is all worth it cause in the end, the result of me being so miserable, is our little princess!

ConversationFear · July 2014

DH and I haven't had sex since BFP. :-/ We have done other things, but it's even been a while since that. I feel so bad, but it is just hard for me to get all kinds of sexy with little guy thunkin' around in there. It's weird to me.

I know it bothers him - he made a comment a few weeks ago when we were talking about the possibilities of having a second child and he said, "You know we have to have SEX AGAIN for that to happen, right?" 8-| Yes dear, I know that - we will have sex again someday - geez.

kaiyagirl29 · July 2014

Hopefully everyone's partners are sympathetic and realize its not the end of the world. If we loved sex once.....we'll (eventually!) Love it again! I'm almost fully cooked so we'll get back there soon. Just hope things don't change too dramatically seeing we'll have a newborn in the house on top of our 2 year old toddler! I do miss that special time with my husband. But once I hit that bed.....I'm done. I just wanna get comfortable....as much as I can....and sleep. I'm trying to get as much sleep as I can now cause I know its gonna be difficult once our DD is here! Thank goodness for our family....a lot of them have taken time off if work to help me when my husband goes back to work. He's a firefighter....so he works 24 hour days every other day.... He's taking off a month when she's born, but it'll fly by like it did with my son. I'm also dreading that time....with my last baby, I got really depressed when things settled down and he went back to work....so did all my family. So it was just me and the baby. All the excitement was gone and I got sad. It was horrible feeling. So I am scared of that happening again!

Erin1510 · July 2014

We haven't had sex since April I think? I'm 39 weeks today, so I think I may just try to make myself be in the mood for the sake of getting labor started. Luckily my husband isn't really interested either so I don't have him asking for it.

Tess024 · July 2014

Don't worry. You have the rest of your lives to have sex! You will look back on this and laugh someday.

kaiyagirl29 · July 2014

Lol....OK....I know we will one day. Its just hard right now! But thanks for the support here. Was feeling like I was alone in this but feeling a bit better now.

kaiyagirl29 · July 2014

We had sex all the time with my first pregnancy.... I even did it to bring on labor, which never happened. So not sure if aez helps or not! Good luck with it though...hope it helps for you and brings on labor. I wish I was 39 weeks....that's when they're taking my DD by c-section!

ADC1979 · July 2014

I feel sorry for my DH for the same reason. He's a good man and deserves some release, but the last couple weeks where I've felt super ginormous...there is nothing that makes me feel remotely like wanting to do that. At all. So many aches and pains and general discomfort. Not to mention that since getting comfortable for sleep in general is nearly impossible, anything more than that seems like I would need the strategy and support of a military operation.

I intend to let him have some fun with me next week, since I'll be 39 weeks and that might help things along, too.

TheOtherJacobsons · July 2014

Even if I am not that into it, I am usually glad that I did afterward. DH doesn't pressure me, but I notice that when I get into a funk it's usually because I waited too long to get down to business.

KittyMisha · July 2014

For most of this pregnancy, the thought of being touched in that way has been actively repellent. This is completely different from my previous pregnancy, when I was totally into it. I blame it on hormones. My DH has been a really good sport about it; he just takes alone time when necessary. I have no doubt things will go back to normal eventually once the baby is out, just like so many other aspects of pregnancy.

StefanyaMarie · July 2014

That was me my first pregnancy. On top of just not being in the mood for it. Every time we did I ended up with a UTI. It was horrible. This time I have been the opposite. I can't get enough. I think my husband wants me to stay pregnant forever. He is going to have withdrawals when this baby gets here and I can't.

ritzgrrl · July 2014

Nicb13 said:

The first pregnancy it was my husband who didn't want to have sex because it was "weird" for him, now it's both of us that just aren't interested right now. We are both exhausted all the time from work and our toddler.
I think it's pretty normal OP. It's not the end of the world IMO.

Same.

mcculloughe · July 2014

Seriously, we've done it ONCE since I found out I was pregnant. Around 14 weeks we found out I had partial placenta previa so we couldn't do it for quite some time. At around 28 weeks I found out it had moved up but by that time I felt so huge and have just not been into it.
Thankfully H is prior military so he was used to long stretches without and has been great about it.

mrsH1112 · July 2014

I think its normal. Im lucky in the fact that for my DH if he initiates once a week thats a lot for us. He actually told me about 6 weeks ago if I wanted to wait till after the baby it was ok that he didnt want me to be uncomfortable (Ive had a hard time finishing since the middle of my 2nd tri). I told him that I want him to still initiate and I will occasionally here and there too and if Im not into it, Ill "help" him out in one way or the other and if Im totally not up for anything Ill let him know.

RedBaramid · July 2014

I've been dying to get some but every time we get down to business we are having a hard time finding comfortable positions where I can stay in the mindset. I always feel awful when I get him going and then leave him hanging. I try to be a helpful wife when I know it's not gonna happen, and honestly I never judge him for using outside measures to get things handled for himself. He has been wonderful to me, and has never once complained.

Natapottomus · July 2014

I thought I was the only one! This being my first everyone told me how ravenous I would be by now. Tried it maybe once after first trimester and it was AWFUL. I was SO uncomfortable and TMI but I was not naturally lubing up. So gross. I then had what I am assuming was extremely painful BH's afterwards as the semen softens the cervix (thankyou google!). I've been getting nagged a bit lately for it but I point out everytime I'm now huge and to remember how uncomfortable it was when I was smaller!!

kaiyagirl29 · July 2014

Yep....I'm right there with you. Its not like I'm holding out on purpose. I'm just miserable! And the thought of it just doesn't cross my mind. But I do sympathize with him. I just am uncomfortable without sex....so I can imagine how much more agonizing I'd feel if I did do it!

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