Introduction children mentioned, not mine

shirleymaeby · July 2014

Hi Everyone,

I have been lurking here for the last week or so, commenting on stuff here and there but I thought maybe I should go ahead and formally introduce myself. DH and I have been TTC for 4 years this month. I come from a family of eight and him from a family of three. I have more than 20 nieces and nephews, so it never occurred to either of us that there could be an issue and we wasted a ton of time before we started looking for help. At this point we've done it all. We've tracked temp, used OPKs, used an at home fertility monitor (which is actually pretty cool but still didn't help), I've had an HSG, DH had a SA, we've done bloodwork and checked hormone levels, and had more trans-vaginal ultrasounds than anyone should ever have to endure...all this for the super helpful "unexplained infertility" diagnosis. I've tried trying, I've tried not trying. I've tried fertility diets. I've tried meditation & visualization. I think the only thing I haven't tried is acupuncture or straight up voodoo.

Last year my OB put me on a low dose of Clomid for three months but didn't do any kind of monitoring so I don't know if it even worked or not. After that she suggested we see an RE so we took several months off of trying because we had weddings and other events to attend out of state and we wanted to just take some time off from thinking about it all the time. We finally saw an RE at the beginning of June and she didn't waste time making us do any more tests. She scheduled us for our first IUI the following month. So I had IUI #1 about 5 days ago (has it really only been 5 days! WTF!)

I've been trying to deal with all of this on my own for a very long time. I have a friend who also has some IF issues so there's at least one person I can talk to, but since I've been lurking I feel so much better knowing that there's a whole community of women out there who seem to know me on the inside. Like the complete devastation of finding out your newlywed BIL and SIL got pregnant 5 months after the wedding...and then got pregnant again when baby 1 was 7 months old. The irrational hatred of women who can't shut up about their pregnancies. The sudden crying jags resulting from yet another BFP announcement on FB. IF sucks so much but it sucks so much more when you can't really let out all your frustration because people will think you're totally psycho.

So yeah, that's me. So tell me, what are your favorite awful things people who know about your IF say to you? My mother is particularly unhelpful. She has told me MANY times that if I adopt I might get pregnant right after that. Nice.

AnnaClaire256 · July 2014

Welcome to 3T! You've definitely come to the right place for support. FX that IUI #1 worked!

shirleymaeby · July 2014

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome.

@rainbowbridge14 - OMG, I have had TWO female relatives offer to be my surrogate. One of them my addict little sister right after her most recent rehab stay. Sure, I want my baby in your body.

lebradford · July 2014

Welcome & good luck with your IUI!

I don't get very many comments because I haven't told very many people what's going on. I had to tell a couple of coworkers, and one of them basically said I wasn't really infertile because I hadn't been married that long. Hmm... I had no idea my wedding date impacted my ability to ovulate. I'm sorry you're getting insensitive comments too.

shirleymaeby · July 2014

@lebradford - I may have mentioned this on another string. DH and I waited 5 years after we were married to start TTC. My whole family had been asking us for years when we were going to start. So when we finally made the decision to BD we told EVERYONE. Like in a mass text message. Biggest mistake ever. Seriously. Now literally everyone on both sides of our family knows about it and we get the stupidest most insensitive and frustrating comments regularly.

I know it's coming from a place of love. I know they want us to get that BFP. But they also don't have any idea what they are talking about and it drives us both crazy.

lebradford · July 2014

kmdecoux said:

@lebradford - I may have mentioned this on another string. DH and I waited 5 years after we were married to start TTC. My whole family had been asking us for years when we were going to start. So when we finally made the decision to BD we told EVERYONE. Like in a mass text message. Biggest mistake ever. Seriously. Now literally everyone on both sides of our family knows about it and we get the stupidest most insensitive and frustrating comments regularly.

I know it's coming from a place of love. I know they want us to get that BFP. But they also don't have any idea what they are talking about and it drives us both crazy.

Ouch. I did tell a couple of people before our wedding that we were going to try after our wedding. Thankfully neither of them really cared about it enough to ask for updates/if we actually started. In the beginning it just seems like it is going to happen so quickly!

desertheart · July 2014

Welcome!

My story sounds a lot like yours but minus the Clomid. Things got much better for us once we saw the RE. It felt as if at least someone is taking us seriously. That alone is worth a lot for me.

ebliss444 · July 2014

Welcome! Your story sounds similar to mine -- lots of trying different methods and tests look good and still no answers. So frustrating.

I joined this board recently too because I don't feel comfortable sharing my fertility issues with any of my friends and family. Of course, that doesn't stop the constant questions about when we're having kids -- ones I started hearing after were were married a couple of years and not even trying!

Since I started coming to this board my crying fits have subsided and I'm generally in a better mood about it -- so thanks to everyone for that! I've also recently started seeing an RE and all but quit FB, so that has certainly helped my mood!

Hoping this first IUI is all it takes for you!

brijen44 · July 2014

Sorry...similar situations here as well. Both SIL's pregnant (one accidentally, one was trying). Supervisor at work with whom I shared an office...accidental BFP. Another coworker...BFP. And then there's little old me. In a fabulous marriage with a wonderful man, and we can't grow our family. We're here for you!

BunnyBerry · July 2014

Welcome, although sorry you find yourself here! I'm glad you got to see an RE who got you started right away.

Insensitive moms certainly have a lot of power to cause us pain! Unfortunately, my mom was the adopted child after whom her parents got pregnant within 2 months, and then again (they'd adopted her after 9 years of IF). Well, of course I see that as fortunate for them, but it leads to a lot of insensitive comments. Doesn't anyone realize pregnancies after adoption have no causal relationship?? She also just can't stop relating everything to the fact that she got pregnant the first month of trying, all 3 times, and mentioning how she has been called a "fertile myrtle."

Welcome to this safe place where we don't even dream of saying that crap to each other.

shirleymaeby · July 2014

@Rcvb22 - I think sometimes our close friends don't know how to tell us so they go the way of "ripping off the band-aid". Maybe if they just get it over with we can all move on. I had a friend text me ON MY BIRTHDAY to happily announce a BFP. What was she thinking?? I seem to have some kind of uncanny sixth sense when it comes to people getting pregnant around me. As soon as I get a phone call from someone, before I even pick up the phone...I know.

@BunnyBerry - Gah! Is there anything more irritating than having an obviously fertile woman try to give you advice about dealing with IF? The next time my mom tells me to "just stop trying so hard and it will happen" I swear on all that is holy I will buy a plane ticket, fly to Louisiana, and slap her right in the face.

theholmanherd · July 2014

Welcome!

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