Newbie and terrified

KatCraig30 · June 2012

Hi All!

My partner and I have been together for 8 years and after talking about becoming parents for a few years we're finally ready to get started. Little did I know how many tests would be involved and how overwhelming its becoming. (I'm going to be carrying) We went in for a first counsultation and I had an ultrasound done and pap and it was painful because I was super nervous and the doctor told me that she found a large fibroid. I know those aren't serious, but still scared me all the same. Monday I have the HSG test and I'm freaked out about that too because I heard it hurts a lot. Plus my insurance will not cover the actual IUI, just the tests and I'm not sure how we're going to be able to afford it. I'm not excited about any of this at all and I feel so guilty. Were any of you scared too?

2moms2b · June 2012

Welcome! I am kind of new here too! We just re-started our journey after a 2 year break. We are terrified!!!!

After our consult I felt really guilty once we discussed costs. I know M was majorly stressed after we reviewed our part of the costs. She kept quiet not trying to ruin my excitement. This only amplified the guilt. About a week later we finally talked it out. I actually sat down with her and we went through the impact on our finances. We then each decided to give up one thing to make this happen. That took a lot of stress off of us. We have held firm to giving up one thing (for me it's e-books as I am a junkie and for her it's eating lunches out). Our insurance covers tests (not the HSG as it's considered optional) but not the IUI. We also only get 1 u/s per cycle covered.

I can say while it is stressful the other emotions are excitement! I try to focus on the excitement.

Good luck to you in your journey and keep us posted!!!

KatCraig30 · June 2012

Well I'm glad I'm not alone

. The doctor's haven't even discussed the costs with us yet, they said they would do all that after all of the tests are completed. I guess we'll wait and see. I have some excitement, but right now I'm just nervous more than anything. I guess that's because everything is so completely new to me.

Kershnic · June 2012

Yes, we definitely were and are scared. From what I hear being pregnant and then having kids doesn't ever really get a whole lot less scary....you just are scared of different things.

I was/am scared of it taking forever, scared of not being able to get pregnant, scared of how much it will cost, scared of not having the right amount of sperm at the right times, scared of how it will impact our relationship, scared of pretty much all the unknowns.

But at the end of the day I am very clear that of all the things I want out of life that I don't have right now, I want a child the most. So therefore we are making it our financial and time priority. It is taking a while for us, and it sucks and it's stressful, but we just go one day at a time and keep going.

Good luck.

betsykerry1 · June 2012

my partner and I were together for 9 years when we started talking about trying to get me pregnant. we talked it over, researched the costs and started planning. I was totally scared to HAVE a baby (not to be pregnant), and totally nervous about having an IUI, 9 million doctors visits and "omg, what if we don't get pregnant on the first try" and "omg what if we DO get pregnant!?". anyway, we let our parents know around christmas of 2010 that we were going to try in the summer. I started charting my cycles in April of 2011 and we had one vial of sperm stored at my OBs office in June. I got a positive OPK on July 6th, had an IUI (wayyyy less painful than a pap) on July 7, 2011 and started our two week wait. I figured there was a very small (20% or less) chance that I'd get pregnant so I didn't sweat it. Then, my period was late by a day. Then two days. Then I peed on a stick. After "not sweating it" because it wouldn't happen the first try (right!?) I got pregnant the first try. After all my worrying about getting pregnant, now I was worried about BEING pregnant. We welcomed our beautiful baby girl (Harper) on March 22, 2012 after worrying about HAVING a baby! I had an emergency c-section for fetal distress (she's fine) and then I was scared about a wound infection. Now, she's 11 weeks old and I'm scared and worried about things I didn't even know I COULD worry about.

I guess my point is you're never going to NOT be scared or worried about things ever again in your life. Being pregnant is scary. You'll worry about everything you put in your mouth, if the baby's moving enough, if you're gaining enough/too much weight etc. Once the baby comes, you'll find something new to stress over. We were lucky, I got pregnant the first shot, had a relatively uneventful pregnancy, complicated (but happy ending) delivery and now have a happy, healthy almost three month old little girl who has us wrapped around her little finger.

Being a parent is the HARDEST thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's amazing to watch them change every day! Good luck to you and your partner!!!

KatCraig30 · June 2012

Thanks for the responses everyone, I truly appreciate it.

To stringy, I know that I'm excited for the end result, but I also don't feel my biological clock ticking either. I don't go into a clothing store and go running into the baby section all the time. T and I go look sometimes, but it isn't constantly on my mind. But I will say that whenever I do see another woman with a baby bump I can't help but smile, and when I see other children I can't help but smile, except when they're screaming haha. I do have this odd feeling that I'm still a kid myself (I'm 30), and I have no clue what I'm doing. I think all this planning is getting to me, I wish more than anything it could just be a happy accident. It also doesn't help that I lost my grandmother this past weekend and I'm very worried about my own mother. I guess I have a lot going on. I'm sorry for the TMI haha.

KatCraig30 · June 2012

Stringy you don't know how much your last post helped. I thought there was something wrong with me because I haven't been dreaming about having children since I was a child myself or overly excited to be pregnant. I see so many women on here that are, and that they feel its thier destiny to only be a mother, and I just don't feel that way. I thought that I was wrong, or maybe deep down I don't want children but I'm not realizing it. But when I think about that last thought it makes me upset and brings tears to my eyes so I know that isn't true.

My father and step mother basically told us they want nothing to do with the child once it comes so that has been particularly painful too. You know what? a light bulb just went off in my head. I think I really want my parents to be involved in all of this, and my mom has said in the past that she would, but in the state that she's in now, I haven't even told her that we're trying because I don't want to overwhelm her. So I guess I really want my parents around, and I'm afraid I'll be alone in all of this. That's one of the big reasons why I'm freaked out. Thank you so much for letting me vent. Its so nice to talk to people who are pretty much in the same boat.

tdmklm · June 2012

I have nothing to add, except to say that being afraid is totally normal. When we were trying a few years ago, I was afraid I wouldn't conceive, then two minutes later I was afraid I would conceive. Hang in there.

hlke · June 2012

KatCraig30:
Stringy you don't know how much your last post helped. I thought there was something wrong with me because I haven't been dreaming about having children since I was a child myself or overly excited to be pregnant. I see so many women on here that are, and that they feel its thier destiny to only be a mother, and I just don't feel that way. I thought that I was wrong, or maybe deep down I don't want children but I'm not realizing it. But when I think about that last thought it makes me upset and brings tears to my eyes so I know that isn't true.

Just wanted to add that both C and I are also the type who want children, but have never really been excited over the prospect of pregnancy, or the type of people who have pictured ourselves married with kids since childhood. I never pictured myself as a bride or pictured myself as a mother, but I've learned that doesn't make me less of a wife or that I will be less of a mother. I never wanted kids until I met C and was like "this is a person I could raise a child with". I was previously married for five years, and kids were absolutely out of the question at that time.

KatCraig30 · June 2012

Well I just had my HSG this morning, and it definitely wasn't fun but I got through it. I cried because I was so nervous, and it felt like a had really bad cramps but it was over relatively quick. It was all the waiting beforehand that made me want to rip my hair out haha. Now I just have two more tests and then hopefully we'll be on to the next step.

hlke · June 2012

Glad it went okay. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.

KatCraig30 · July 2014

So I totally forgot that I posted this here! haha. Anyway, so here were are two years later, and we moved clear across the country to Seattle and I had my first IUI today! eeek! I was terrified during, so I think that made it a little more painful than it should have been, and I was scared after because I kept thinking "omg what if this takes??" but the more I think about it, the more I DO want this to happen. So we'll see!

JGY · July 2014

Wow, great to see you back! Fingers crossed for you.

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