Third-Party Reproduction
Options

So heart broken

I am still in such shock I can't believe this happen :-S
I started to hemorrhage this am went to the ER & they did a US & both the babies are gone :(( had to do a D&C I lost allot of blood my BP was really low & just barley got to go home.
I still can not believe we are here, I feel like it my fault some how :( my poor IPs, I am feeling so awful.

Re: So heart broken

  • Options
    mm29mm29 member
    It is not your fault!!  Be good to yourself during this difficult time. You are an amazing person for being a GC!!   Hang in there sweetie!  ((((Huge Ginormous hugs))) to you and your IPs!!
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015


    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
  • Options
    I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.  As everyone else has said, be good to yourself.  Your compassion is amazing  
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    I am so incredibly sorry! Huge hugs!!

    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


    image

    image
  • Options
    I am so, so sorry. So sorry. Big hugs. :(

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • Options
    So sorry. Big hugs for you and the IPs. Prayers for all of you
  • Options
    Oh no :( I am so sorry for you and your IPs loss, and for the trauma you went through. D&C's are no fun. I hope you recover quickly and can figure out next steps. I am so sorry, it is heartbreaking. And, of course it is not your fault - but having had a 16w loss - I know it's hard not to think that way at first. But there is nothing you could've done differently. Thinking of you.
    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


    imageimageimageimage

  • Options
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Please try to remember it is not your fault and take care of yourself as you recover. 

    TTC since April 2010
    BFP #1 – March 2011, missed m/c April 2011
    BFP #2 – October 2011, m/c November 2011
    Surprise BFP #3 – December 2011, diagnosed as cornual, terminated January 2012
    BFP #4 – June 2012, m/c July 2012
    Diagnosed with bicornuate ute and MTHR gene mutation
    BFP #5 – October 2012, missed m/c November 2012
    BFP #6 – January 2013, m/c March 2013
    No longer TTC. Diagnosis: Hostile ute. Heartbroken and bitter. Pursuing surrogacy.
    June 2013 - Carrier found! Could this really happen?!
    image
    ~All AL always welcome~

  • Options
    Oh sweetie-- I'm so sorry for you and your IPs. Just devastating. But it's not your fault at all. Please don't so that to yourself. Giant hugs for all of you((()))

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • Options
    Km672Km672 member
    I'm so sorry

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

  • Options
    e74e74 member
    Big hugs... I'm so sorry for you and your IPs. It's not your fault... Take care of yourself!
    DS#1 born 9/23/06 
    Twins DS#2 and 3 born at 31 weeks, 3 days due to a short cervix on 8/2/13.
  • Options
    Oh no..I am so very sorry. Please don't blame yourself. Big huge hugs :(

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

         imageimage 
         image   imageimage



  • Options
    It is not your fault at all hon!! (((HUGS))) rest and drinks lots of fluids.

    April 2013 DE IVF= BFN

    September 2013 DE IVF (Fingers Crossed) = BFFFN! again...

    October 2013 FET of our last 2 = Beta Hellzz for 6-7 Weeks. M/C

  • Options
    I'm so sorry this happened. It is in no way your fault. Take care of yourself.

    TTC #1 since May 2010

    OE IVF #1  9/2/13 Cancelled- poor response

    DE IVF #1 3/12/14- BFP 3/17/14- ectopic, right tube removed 4/11/14 @ 7 weeks

    DE FET #1 7/3/14-Transferred 2 5AA 6 day embryos Beta 7/13/14 BFN

    DE FET #2 9/5/14-Transferred 2 4BB 5 day embryos Beta 9/15/14 BFN

    DE FET #3 in December- Cancelled, didn't respond to meds

    DE FET #3 (2nd try) 2/13/15- Transferred 1 4BB and 1 4BA 5 day embryos Beta 2/23/15  BFN again (CP)

    DE FET #4 - last 2 frosties....5/22/15- Transferred 1 4BA embryo...only one frostie thawed properly.  Beta scheduled for 6/1-  BFN (beta 2, 2.81, 6, 23, 49.4) 6/15/15 Discovered ectopic in left tube.  Methotrexate given. Moving on to a new donor. Hoping to transfer by the end of the year.

    Cant find a donor that is healthy and available.  Looking at being happy with just the two of us.

     

  • Options
    So sorry to hear this, please take care of yourself during this difficult time.

    image
    DOR and AMA
    2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
    7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts; 6 frosties = BFN;
    Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
    Follow up testing in September all clear;
    Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
    FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
    12/12- Officially an OB patient!
    Level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks shows vasa previa and VCI
    Referral to MFM and mandatory c section for delivery
    Beautiful baby girl born at 34 weeks
    Finally home after 15 day NICU stay!
    Trying for sibling: FET # 2- May 2014; beta 5/31, BFN
    FET #3, early July 2014; beta 7/14, BFN
    DE IVF # 2- August 2014; 14R, 13M, 11F, 5dt of 2 blasts (3 AA), 5 frosties = BFN
    FET #4- December 2014, yet another BFN

    Dr. KK work up shows borderline uterine blood flow, elevated NK cells, and MTHFR mutation (homozygous for c677t)

    Added baby aspirin, prednisone, supplements, Metanx, and intralipids

    Switched to large clinic for final attempt; had endometrial receptivity testing in January; FET March 2015 = yet another BFN

    Likely OAD- NBC

  • Options
    JM1977JM1977 member
    I'm so, so sorry. Thinking of you and the IP's. You are all mourning the loss of your precious babies.
    TTC with DOR, low morphology, fertilization issues
    IVF#1 Oct 2009 (CCRM) - BFN
    IVF#2 March 2010 - Poor response/cancelled
    DE IVF#1 Aug 2010 - BFN
    DE IVF#2 Dec 2010 - Transferred 1, 2 frozen - BFP!
    TTC#2 FET Jan 2013 - Transferred 1 - BFP!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Options
    I'm so, so sorry for your loss and your IP's loss.  You didn't do anything to cause this.  Take care of yourself to heal physically and emotionally.

    GSx1 - 05/13/2013
    GSx2 for T&B - EDD 6/21/2015 - They're having a GIRL!

    babybaby
    BabyGaga
  • Options
    Sending you all the support I can muster - so incredibly sorry to hear of this. 
    Pregnancy Ticker

    Married September 3, 2011 | TTC since May 2013
    Me: Diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2013, underwent fertility sparing surgery which left low ovarian reserve, no tubes, partial ovary | DH: perfectly normal 
    BFP: 5/30/2014 via donor eggs | EDD: 2/6/2015
  • Options
    I still can't believe we are here :-S the pain was crazy bad this morning so I am back at the ER where they think it might be left behind tissue so I might have to have another D&C

    Thank you all for the support!!
  • Options
    Oh no.  I am so sorry.
  • Options
    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I hope you are feeling better soon, and like everyone above said, it is not your fault. Be kind to yourself as you recover <3
    image
    TTC since March 2012
    Dx: Unexplained IF, Arcuate Uterus, Minimal Endometriosis, Poor Embryo Quality
    Tx History: 1 Injects+TI, 5 IUIs, 3 IVFs, 1 FET = all BFN and full of heartbreak
    Plan: Waiting to see if our potential donor is a match for DE IVF #1


    Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
  • Options
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Options
    I am so sorry for all of you. Take care of yourself.
    BabyFetus Ticker

    Me-39, HSG 2/13- clear. DS-IUI #1-3/13,300iu Menopur 12 days,3 days Cetrotide, Ovidrel Trigger-BFN. IUI #2 06/13, BFP EDD: 02/22/14 m/c (cp), IUI #3- BFP EDD: 5/17/14 m/c 09/13. Blood work/RPL panel- nk cell/MTHFR mutation- negative. Blood work all good. Unexplained reason for m/c. IUI #4 BFP m/c (cp) 10/13. IUI #5- 12/13 Cancelled. No response. (1)follicle. IUI #5.1- 2/14. IVF Bound

    ********************SAIF/ PAIF/ ALL ARE WELCOME***********************
  • Options
    Thank you all for the kind words & support!!
    This has been really hard on my body & mind I am just so heartbroken for my IPs
  • Options
    Oh I'm so sorry to hear this I know how excited you were for twins. Hang in there sweetie. It's so painful and hard but it will get better. Hugs
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






  • Options
    I am so sorry for your loss and for your IP's loss as well. I am thinking about you. Please take care of yourself, body and mind. I know that as an IP that has been through loss, we particularly provided for medical and psych support in case of loss in our GC contract. 
    It is a loss for you all and it is NOT your fault.
    (((Hugs)))
    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

    image










  • Options
    Its been extra hard as my IPs have pulled away :( we have always been really close since I carried their first child so for them to pull away like this just makes this all the more hard :-S for me.

    Thanks Again for the support its been nice to come here & read all the kind words & when I feeling down I come on to do so.
    Thank you all
  • Options
    I'm so sorry big hugs to you and your IPs.

    imageimageimageimageimage

     

    image

    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (32): SA is ok, slightly low morph, normal SCSA  Me (32): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, Moderately high NKC, High TNFa, heterozyogous mutated Factor XIII, and +APA

    October 2012-May 2014: 4 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and 1 failed FETw/donor embryos

    November 2014: IVF w/ICSI #4 Agonist/Antagonist with EPP and Prednisone, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and IVIG for immune issues.  Converted to freeze all due to lining issues.  2 blasts frozen on day 6!

    January 2015: FET #2 Cancelled due to lining issues

    April 2015: FET #2.1


    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!

  • Options
    pmv81pmv81 member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. As everyone else said, take care of yourself and remember it's not your fault. Thinking of you. 
     
  • Options
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • Options
    Its been extra hard as my IPs have pulled away :( we have always been really close since I carried their first child so for them to pull away like this just makes this all the more hard :-S for me. Thanks Again for the support its been nice to come here & read all the kind words & when I feeling down I come on to do so. Thank you all
    I know for me, pulling away from people is how I had to handle the grief of our losses. I just had so much internal processing to do. I can imagine that this is what is happening, but regardless please keep repeating to yourself that "This is not my fault. I did everything possible to keep these babies"
    It might also help to post/commiserate on the Pregnancy Loss/Miscarriage board. Feel free to PM anytime. This is a hard loss for all of you. (((Hugs)))
    TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own, autoimmune disease 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) 
    IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d
    FET #1 December 2012, BFN
    FET #2 February 2013, no embies survived thaw
    IVF #2, BFP #2, Loss #2 March 2013, Scar tissue discovered, RPL testing,
    IVF #3, BFP #3, Loss #3 (twins) September 2013
    Hostile ute, moving onto Gestational Carrier!

    GC/FET #1 of 1 5AA blast and 1 compacted blast, February 2014, BFP #4 on 3/1/2014!
    6w u/s 1 bean with h/b of 145 bpm, 8w u/s 187 bpm
    EDD 11/7/14. Please, please, please stick little one!

    Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!

    image










  • Options
    lincoln79 said:



    Its been extra hard as my IPs have pulled away :( we have always been really close since I carried their first child so for them to pull away like this just makes this all the more hard :-S for me.

    Thanks Again for the support its been nice to come here & read all the kind words & when I feeling down I come on to do so.
    Thank you all

    I know for me, pulling away from people is how I had to handle the grief of our losses. I just had so much internal processing to do. I can imagine that this is what is happening, but regardless please keep repeating to yourself that "This is not my fault. I did everything possible to keep these babies"
    It might also help to post/commiserate on the Pregnancy Loss/Miscarriage board. Feel free to PM anytime. This is a hard loss for all of you. (((Hugs)))


    Thank you so much for your comment, I know that might be what is happening & they just need time & space but its nice to hear from the other end that might be what's going on.

    Thank you all for the kind words its been a big help getting throw this really hard time.

    Healing from the D&C has been slow but getting better just taking it one day at a time.
  • Options
    very sad to read this news. Huge condolences, friend. 

    My heart is as open as the sky.
    Read about it on the blog

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


    Follow Me on Pinterest
    BabyFruit Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"