No sex the entire time

Chrissy4764 · July 2014

Hey- so i am almost 40wks and i am trying all the different methods to get labor started... Except for sex. My husband has not wanted to have sex with me since we found out. He says its becuase he doesnt feel right having sex with me with a baby "in the room". I guess i can understand that, but i also cant help but notice he doesnt look at me when i am unclothed, he doesnt want to touch my belly unless i take his hand and put it there. He only has kissed me a couple times during the pregnancy... I did gain 45 pounds but people say i look great. Of course i feel dumpy, but thats probably me being self critical. Anyhoo... In additon to no sex, hubby really doesnt want to spend time with me becuase i cant hang out at bars or go skiing or golfing, so he spends his time with his friends doing those things and i mostly just stay home or go visit my parents. Sometimes my husband and i will go to a movie or get dinner but i wish he would be more interested in going for a walk with me or going to the zoo or something. I guess i just feel a little sad. Im not trying to bash my husband, but im hoping there might be someone else out there who is going through the same thing and maybe has a positive way of looking at it. Ive talked to my husband about how i feel many times, but he honestly feels like im making a big deal out of nothing.

Just looking for a positive outlook... Some encouraging words please. Thanks!!

SuperTinkerham · July 2014

He's clearly getting it from somewhere else.

SuperTinkerham · July 2014

jensavicci · July 2014

While you're brand spanking new, I still find this sad. Perhaps counseling is in your future? Whatever his reasoning, I hope it's not because he's cheating. Maybe it's just time to spice things up in your marriage? Maybe have a nice long talk about it with him. Work with him to figure things out. I do hope things get better and that he will appreciate you again.

SuperTinkerham · July 2014

I think you gotta sit down and talk to him. He may not have an idea of how hurt you are about the whole situation.

<------- not totally an asshole. Just plays one on the internets.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

If it was just the sex, I could give him a pass because I know some guys have a really hard time with that. But the rest are all red flags. He doesn't want to hang out with his wife because she can't drink or do activities that he wants to do? What does he think is going to happen when the baby comes? Is he open to counseling? If you're trying to communicate with him and he's not taking you seriously, maybe a third party would help. I'm sorry you're going through this but his behavior is unacceptable and unfair to you and if it's not addressed, things are only going to get worse once the baby is here.

ADC1979 · July 2014

I know every guy handles the stress of impending daddyhood differently, but I agree with the others that there's some definite red flags there. Has he also had any part in getting the nursery ready/any other baby prep, or has that all been on you as well? Before your pregnancy, did he tend to do a lot of things apart from you that you had no interest in, or did you do the golfing and skiing with him as well?

Maybe he's having new daddy jitters and trying to have as much fun as he can before he feels chained to a baby for 18 years, but there are some real concerns there that hopefully you can sit down and talk to him about it.

reg202 · July 2014

I feel so sad for you. I agree with all PPs that there are serious concerns here. This is not normal and he should not be discounting your feelings. If he continues to try to convince you that your feelings aren't valid, he's being foolish. In the meantime, I'll be thinking and praying for your upcoming delivery and little bundle.

ARogers26 · July 2014

Yeah I am in the no sex since we found out club. For the same reason. My hubs was raised baptist so I excuse that part but you bet your ass he treats me like a princess in every other way possible. I would be throwing bricks at his truck when he got home if he picked drinking or golf over me. Stand up for yourself. Every woman deserves better than that.

Nichole8787 · July 2014

ARogers26 said:

Yeah I am in the no sex since we found out club. For the same reason. My hubs was raised baptist so I excuse that part but you bet your ass he treats me like a princess in every other way possible. I would be throwing bricks at his truck when he got home if he picked drinking or golf over me. Stand up for yourself. Every woman deserves better than that.

This.

ichamommy · July 2014

Hi, my name is Ichamommy... I believe you and I are doppelgängers, approximately 8 months removed...

Ask for counseling... If he won't do it, sorry bout ya... It's not an easy road ahead of you.

Wrights22 · July 2014

Was this pregnancy planned? I'm just curious on that for a bit more background.... But despite background this is not normal behavior. I get having some jitters and some bad days.... But your hubby has basically left you high and dry to deal with this pregnancy on your own, not being supportive, and isolating you emotionally and physically. It really concerns me what kind of partner he will be after the baby comes.... And you are both exhausted and have to make time for each other and your marriage. Your husband brushing it off is a red flag as well. I would push for a serious conversation. Push him for answers.

zellatrix · July 2014

I'm sorry he is being selfish. I hope he comes around.

littlemissmarla · July 2014

I'm sorry that this is happening to you, though I think it might have been more beneficial to address this sooner than at close to the 40 week mark. The stress of bringing a baby home might exacerbate the situation, hopefully not but there needs to be an open discussion ASAP. Best of luck.