Need some advice (someone else's loss mentioned)

Danielle0311 · July 2014

Hey ladies,

So I am 7 weeks 3 days and have a healthy bean so far with a hb! So over the moon excited for that. I could really use some advice though...
I just found out the girl who sits next to me at work went into premature labor over the weekend at 21 weeks and lost her baby boy. I am so beyond devastated for her. We are friends but not super close but I do text/ call her once in a while. She is taking 6 weeks off before she comes back and my issue is that I will be noticeably pregnant around the time she comes back or a little later. I know how hard it is to have reminders next to you being I lived that nightmare

do I wait like a month but then give her the heads up before she comes back? I don't plan on telling anyone at all at work until 12 weeks but moreso I'm so worried about hurting her. What would you do? Any advice how to handle this? We literally sit in the same cube so it's gonna be so hard

*i actually posted this by accident on pal first so this is a xp

megbmeg · July 2014

I think your idea is a good one. Send her whatever sympathy wishes/gestures she needs right now, and then closer to her return date let her know your news in as gentle a way possible. If you can email her, that would be best, or text (as opposed to call), so she doesn't have to keep it together on the phone. How heartbreaking!

JessicaG220 · July 2014

I agree with all of the above. I would first tell her that you understand what she's going through and share your story. I would then gently let her know about your current pregnancy so she's not blind sided. It's such an awful position to be in. My coworker/good friend and I were pregnant together and after I came back to work after losing Ava, it was torture seeing her every day. It's sweet that you're so considerate of her feelings.

Danielle0311 · July 2014

Thank you ladies. I just feel so terrible for her and don't want to be the source of her pain when she gets back because I know how it felt

I really
Appreciate the advice

2redtulips · July 2014

I think you are wise and kind to think of her return beforehand. I like the idea of giving it some time and sending her a private e-mail so she has some time to prepare herself.

I had a friend who lost an infant in March and I attended the baby's funeral. I was so worried about my belly (I was 20 weeks or so at the time) and hurting her, but I think she was genuinely glad I was there.

I think the key is sensitivity and following her lead once she returns to work.

Bigboneded · July 2014

Sounds like you've got this. Definitely send some sympathy now. And email is a good idea, but if you dont know she's checking it, text may be a better way to let her know you are pregnant. Do you feel comfortable telling her about your loss? It might be easier for her to know you have been there. Idk. Its just an awful loss/situation. Hugs to you, GL with this.

Danielle0311 · July 2014

Bigboneded said:
Sounds like you've got this. Definitely send some sympathy now. And email is a good idea, but if you dont know she's checking it, text may be a better way to let her know you are pregnant. Do you feel comfortable telling her about your loss? It might be easier for her to know you have been there. Idk. Its just an awful loss/situation. Hugs to you, GL with this.

Yea she actually knows all about both of my losses. Mine were early losses and she lost infants so I know it's by no means the same, but I just want her to know that being I did lose as well my first priority is to not hurt her. I texted her last night. Ugh this just sucks

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