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Smart move, Mod :)

AppleBearAppleBear
in 3rd Trimester
Circumcision has been my biggest parenting regret.  Good luck with your birth, hope it turns out how you want it to. 
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Re: Smart move, Mod :)

  • sarrahssarrahs
    Out of curiousity, why? What changed from making the decision to circumsize to after you had him circumsized?
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  • noimnotmarriednoimnotmarried
    random? i didn't see any discussion today about circ.  can you elaborate on why this is your biggest parenting regret?  i haven't 100% decided on this issue.
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  • jamie4dukejamie4duke member

    I agree with pp...very random thought!  LOL.

    Honestly this is a decision that I am finding very easy at this point, even though I am having a girl.  DH and I discussed this a long time ago and we will have our son circumcised (if we ever have a son!).  We know the research and all that, and have decided it is what we want to do.

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  • Miss.ModularMiss.Modular member
    you arent the first i have heard say they regret doing it!  We don't want to do something that is purely cosmetic. 
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  • AppleBearAppleBear

    I thought I was having a girl and surprise it was a boy.  So the decision wasn't one I got the chance to belabor (sp?).  My thoughts at the time were appearance and cleaning related, but I consider those reasons to be errors in thought at this point. 

    I wrote an essay about it on mothering.com:

    My biggest parenting regret
    Circumcising my son is my biggest parenting regret and the thing I wish I could wish away. I'd been expecting a girl and was relieved knowing I didn't have to make the circumcision decision. My plan was to labor naturally and breastfeed. After 2 of pushing, I requested an epidural and after another half hour of pushing my OB told me that none of my pushing had been productive and I was diagnosed with failure to progress and needed a c-section on 3/12/08. During the next 24 hours I tried to breastfeed unsucessfully. And the lactation consultants said the baby could go 48 hours without food, but a little after the 1 day mark of his life I requested formula. He did end up breastfeeding after three weeks when my husband and I finally got good consul and we got his frenulum snipped. But anyway, here I was in the hospital and recovering from surgery, surprise it's a boy, having feeding issues with my son and my husband was having difficulty adjusting to fatherhood and was spending several hours a day away from the hospital and given all these factors we were expected to make to this big decision. Both of us were unsure, but the pediatrician was putting on the hard sell telling us he was the best in the area, which I've come to find out is in fact true. My mother and my husband's mother were both pushing him. But regardless, I wish just one person had said to my husband and I, "If you're unsure, just wait, just give it time and don't try and make this decision before you leave the hospital, really there's no pressure, you can make this decision anytime. You can always do a circumcision, but you can't undo one." The worst of my pain comes from not having been there because I would have stopped it, I had these awful feelings while my son was gone from the room, a voice in my head saying, 'Go stop this'. I wish I'd done something, but now all I can do is feel this pain and wish, wish I'd done it differently, that I could have stopped it somehow.

    I can't believe how common this procedure is in America and that parents are even called upon to make this decision right after the birth of their sons. Giving birth and adjusting to new parenthood is challenge enough. No one should be asking parents to make this decision while they're in the hospital. I'd like to see legislation banning routine infant circumsion, at very least banning it from being done in hospitals. This is a decision that needs time and care to be made.

    I will not circumcize again and I am so, so, so very sorry that I ever did and I hope that my son can only forgive me my greatest parenting mistake and regret. And I hope I can find someway to forgive myself. I keep trying to tell myself, 'When you know better you do better'. And I did not do better because I didn't know better.

    My final thought is this: I can't believe that such a cruel act of tradegy is visited upon so many innocent babies and that is had become so normalized. My husband who witnessed it has been scarred by the experience.
     
     
    Of course, this essay regards only the feelings that I hold and is not meant to be an affront to potential circumcisers.  My son is healthy and happy and there is no forseeable negative outcome from the circumsion.
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  • TheFannins729TheFannins729 member
    so was it that you didn't have time to think about it or was it something with the circumcision that you actually regret (no flame...just confused...)
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  • sarrahssarrahs

    Thank you for your explanation - but I don't really see a "why" for your regret. Is it because you feel like you inflicted unncessary pain on your baby for a cosmetic reason or were there issues/complications with the circumcision?

    I have left this decision to my husband whether or not we will circumsize our son, mainly because he can relate more than I can in this area. My husband is happy that he was circumsized, and wants our son to be too, so that is the direction we will probably go. I appreciate different points of view on this subject though.

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  • noimnotmarriednoimnotmarried

    i agree with TheFannins...i understand you regret it, i don't really understand why.  your story about it is unfortunate....i think you need to cut yourself some slack.  i don't know any grown men who are traumatized by being circumcized at birth, and i'm sure your son won't resent you for it. 

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  • TheFannins729TheFannins729 member
    imagesarrahs:

    Thank you for your explanation - but I don't really see a "why" for your regret. Is it because you feel like you inflicted unncessary pain on your baby for a cosmetic reason or were there issues/complications with the circumcision?

    I have left this decision to my husband whether or not we will circumsize our son, mainly because he can relate more than I can in this area. My husband is happy that he was circumsized, and wants our son to be too, so that is the direction we will probably go. I appreciate different points of view on this subject though.

    whew....i was hoping someone else missed the why...

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  • aldynaldyn

    If this is a boy, we won't circumcize.  I have fairly strong opinions on this topic, but usually keep it all to myself on here because, well, it's like discussing politics - sometimes it's just better not to voice your opinion on things!

    In any case, I'm glad it's becoming less common in this country.  That way, no matter which decision you make for your son, there will be plenty of others in the locker room that look like he does!  There should hopefully be no reason for him to have issues about your decision as he gets older.

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  • LuLu38LuLu38
    imagealdyn:

    If this is a boy, we won't circumcize.  I have fairly strong opinions on this topic, but usually keep it all to myself on here because, well, it's like discussing politics - sometimes it's just better not to voice your opinion on things!

    In any case, I'm glad it's becoming less common in this country.  That way, no matter which decision you make for your son, there will be plenty of others in the locker room that look like he does!  There should hopefully be no reason for him to have issues about your decision as he gets older.

    I agree with you and thank you (as I decide not to react to a "political" issue Smile).  I do think, however, that if you "regret" your decision (can't remember the woman who posted), you better be careful that you not express your regrets to the child!  At least until he is closer to adulthood.  What a strong reaction, and how important to move beyond it before the child thinks there is something wrong with him....As you said, Aldyn......both "types" exist in the locker room.

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  • AppleBearAppleBear

    I regret it because I think my reasons for doing it, well personally they weren't the best. 

    And yes I regret the pain inflicted.  I regret also that I altered my son and that my decision forever changed my son and ultimately I don't feel, for myself, that I had that right.  I also wonder if there won't be any future impact with his sex life.

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