New nanny issues - am I being paranoid or WWYD?

*sparky* · July 2014

I had a baby in April and go back to work next week. We found a nanny who we really like and she has done a couple of trial runs where she has come over for a couple of hours. Each time she has a hard time getting DD to take a nap and she ends up in the swing.

So today she came over for three hours. Not long after I left she called and said DD was asleep in her swing and could she turn on the tv (in the same room). I said sure. DD supposedly slept for 1.5 hours and then took a bottle. I got home about an hour after DD had been awake and she was hysterically crying. This is a baby that hardly ever cries - the only time is when she is overtired in the car. Only once in her 11 weeks has she been as upset as she was today.

Also her arms were really cold, which is how they feel after she's been swinging in her swing with no blanket on (she had a sleeveless shirt on). The nanny said they had been playing on the floor, etc. and she just started running her eyes and getting tired but I am of
Course paranoid. I don't want LO to end up crying and/or hanging out in her swing all day.

I am nursing her now, which was the only way I could get her to calm down. So is this just normal transition and do I just let it go and trust the nanny? Would you question her? I will be gone 10
Hours a day starting next week (3 days/wk) and the thought of my LO crying like this is breaking my heart. Like I said she is never like this.

ETA: also while DD was crying and I was trying to get her to calm down, nanny started showing me the scarf she is selling for Stella & Dot and was just chatting away instead of saying goodbye and letting me get DD settled.

djm31012 · July 2014

Whether or not you are paranoid is irrelevant. Go with your gut instinct. Work will be miserable if you are uneasy about your childcare situation....so all that matters is finding someone you are comfortable with. They wont always do things exactly how you want, and your child is going to cry sometimes, and all that is ok. But this girl doesnt sound like the right fit for you.

DiveFrog · July 2014

It sounds like your gut is telling your something is "off", and you should definitely head your instinct. I would definitely be put off by her trying to show off her sideline business like she did. As pp said you need to feel absolutely comfortable with the person caring for your DD,

That said, has your daughter spent that much time with other caregivers? (DH, grandparents, aunts, uncles,friends, other babysitters) If so, how does she do with them? Because their IS a transition that babies have to adjust and acclimate to when they have new caregivers.

My parents were living in our home the first year of DD's life, around her and with her all the time, and she still got upset when I left her with them to go back to work. She was a very happy and content baby, but not at all when she was separated from me. It took a few weeks for her to get used to the routine of me leaving.

Katelobster · July 2014

I have zero nanny experience, but in the first paragraph, you said you really liked her. What about her do you like? Did she have a lot of experience with infants? Is it worth giving her a try for a couple weeks? I realize your baby's still very young and likely hasn't had many other caregivers yet, but is it possible your baby is just reacting the way she would to any new person?

I do agree that you should trust your gut though. And i agree the scarf thing was totally unprofessional unless you specifically commented on the scarf.

*sparky* · July 2014

No my DD has not been separated from me much at all and left with others. Once with my parents for an hour or so, and this was the 3rd time with the nanny, each time for a couple of hours only. She has been very clingy with me this afternoon so it is likely she was just upset about me leaving. She has a lot of nanny experience and has mostly worked with infants. She has stayed with her families until the kids went to school.

I think I am panicking about going back to work next week so I am looking for things to pick apart. I ended up calling her on the phone and she swears DD was really good and happy right up until a few minutes before I got home. I have a feeling she was tired and she was upset that I wasn't there. She has been attached to me most of the day since I have been home.

I am going to give her a shot for a couple of weeks and see how things go. Thanks everyone!!

ebp913 · July 2014

*sparky* said:

No my DD has not been separated from me much at all and left with others. Once with my parents for an hour or so, and this was the 3rd time with the nanny, each time for a couple of hours only. She has been very clingy with me this afternoon so it is likely she was just upset about me leaving. She has a lot of nanny experience and has mostly worked with infants. She has stayed with her families until the kids went to school. I think I am panicking about going back to work next week so I am looking for things to pick apart. I ended up calling her on the phone and she swears DD was really good and happy right up until a few minutes before I got home. I have a feeling she was tired and she was upset that I wasn't there. She has been attached to me most of the day since I have been home. I am going to give her a shot for a couple of weeks and see how things go. Thanks everyone!!

I think this is a good plan. You can always find someone new later but I agree that giving her more of a shot is a good idea too.

jtmomma13 · July 2014

*sparky* said:

No my DD has not been separated from me much at all and left with others. Once with my parents for an hour or so, and this was the 3rd time with the nanny, each time for a couple of hours only. She has been very clingy with me this afternoon so it is likely she was just upset about me leaving. She has a lot of nanny experience and has mostly worked with infants. She has stayed with her families until the kids went to school. I think I am panicking about going back to work next week so I am looking for things to pick apart. I ended up calling her on the phone and she swears DD was really good and happy right up until a few minutes before I got home. I have a feeling she was tired and she was upset that I wasn't there. She has been attached to me most of the day since I have been home. I am going to give her a shot for a couple of weeks and see how things go. Thanks everyone!!

I think it's a good idea to give her a shot too if your gut says she is good! It going to be an adjustment period for both you and LO and your nanny as well- as it's going to take some time for her to get to know your child.

Sometimes it helps to write a few things down for your caregiver so that they have a point to reference. Like certain things your baby likes etc. If anything it's a good piece of mind for you.

I also think that if she took the time to call you about the TV then she is going to listen to what you say and your rules. And I also think it's a good sign that she has been with the previous families for a long time. That shows that she had to of had a good relationship with the parents and the children.

traveltheworld · July 2014

While I think you'd have to trust your instincts, I also wanted to mention that as PP said, transitions are really hard for babies. I left DS alone with my ILs when he was 4 months for 2 mornings a week. DS has seen my ILs every few days since birth, but even then, he'd cry for an hour or two straight. That lasted almost 2 months before he adjusted. I have no doubt that my ILs took very good care of him, but DS just didn't want to be cared for by anyone other than I.

Designermomma · July 2014

I don't have any experience with nannys but I was thinking you may want to try a nanny cam. It might make you feel more at ease seeing what she does with DD and how quickly DD calms down when you're gone.

snicksnack · July 2014

I wanted to add that I think around 12 weeks babies have growth spurts so while you left a bottle she may have been hungry and that is why she was crying. She also could have been cold from playing on the floor just as easily has she could have been in the swing. My mom was my nanny until DS was 18 month old and when I first went back to work he cried alot I uped his bottles by one ounce and he was fine we went from 4 ounces to 5. So you also could play around with the ounces. Neither of my children took more than 5 ounces of BM at a time. As for talking sounds like some poorly planned small talk on her part. GL