Thoughts on parenting styles and recommended books?

GummiBearJ · July 2014

Hi everyone, I don't know much about babies or parenting, as this will be my first and I didn't grow up around children, and there are no babies in the family currently. I'm naturally a "researcher" and I like to read about all the different approaches to parenting and compare and contrast, but ultimately I know that I'll have to figure a lot of it out by instinct once the baby arrives! (I also simply want to know what goes into keeping a tiny human alive and happy and healthy!)

My question is, what early childhood and parenting approaches have you read about that have really resonated with you - or really turned you off - and why? I've read some of the "French-style" books and they hit home for me for several reasons, but so does the concept of attachment parenting, at least if taken for its principles and not as an absolute check-list.

abbyful · July 2014

You don't have to "pick a style" and exclude everything else, just do what works for you.

The biggest thing is be consistent, especially when LO is a toddler and older. If LO breaks a rule, correct him/her *every time*. And if you say you will do something (i.e. threaten time out or take away a toy), do it!

greeneyed_bride · July 2014

I got the book "What to Expect: The First Year" and thought it was helpful in terms of knowing what "typical" development looks like for a baby. We have good friends who had completely unrealistic ideas of what their baby was capable of (she tried to start teaching her baby to eat with a spoon at three months - no joke,) so they were always trying to "correct" behavior that wasn't an indication of a behavioral issue but rather that the baby hadn't developed to the point of being capable of doing what they expected.

Books/articles/blogs that explain the reason a toddler might act a certain way rather than just focusing on correcting the "problem" behavior have been immensely helpful for me. When I understand why my son might be throwing a tantrum or why he gets upset if we won't let him play with something that could be dangerous for him, it's easier for me to be empathetic and address his response in ways that will help him instead of just disciplining him for his reaction. Understanding child development better definitely helps with that. I don't have a specific book suggestion though. I just read a lot of parenting websites and blogs.

TashaPlusNika · July 2014

Honestly? Deciding on what kind of parent you're going to be, before you really have had the chance to see yourself in action, is going to yield only one result: change of mind, a lot.

I was the perfect parent, and then I actually gave birth, and had to try being one, and yeah, things changed. Things changed again when my daughter turned one, and once again when she turned two. My approach has varied tremendously throughout all this, and will probably continue to, in accordance with the way my kid grows and changes.

But, to answer your question, 'Bringing Up Bebe' is one, French Kids Eat Everything, but really, I'd read whatever appeals to you (Amazon book Reviews are great that way), and stock up the information reserve, but don't make final decisions on what kind of parent you're going to be, because you don't have to, and it'll likely change anyway,

LucilleAustero · July 2014

By all means look into the different types of parenting "styles" out there. But, be prepared to throw it all out the window when you meet you LO. The babies decide what "style" works best for them and it will likely be a bit of this and a bit of that. I was hellbent on being an AP mommy and then I had my little darling. She was a really hard baby and didn't care about the 5 S's and we couldn't breastfeed because of throat ulcers and she had awful colic. So, with trial and error, we learned what was best for her.

So, I guess I recommend the go with the flow style of parenting. But, reading about different approaches can't hurt and it can give you a wealth of strategies that you can try while fugiring out your baby.

Tapsalteerie · July 2014

The best advice I ever received was don't read parenting books. I didn't listen at first and became neurotic and unsure of myself. My kid did not follow the rules and guidelines. When I threw out the books, I became the parent I wanted to be and DD has thrived.

harmonicbabe26 · July 2014

As far as learning about typical baby development and how to 'keep a baby alive' I'd say the What to expect book is good.

But I have a problem with so called 'parenting' books. Yet another way to encourage mommy wars and pointless comparisons us vs them... Your parenting 'style' will develop as a combination of your own and the baby's personalities. IMHO labeling yourself as this or that style parent is silly and limiting. Most importantly you need to be loving and flexible. Everything else is trial and error.

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