Am I a "woman of leisure" ? (annoyed) — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

Am I a "woman of leisure" ? (annoyed)

"I wish I could be a woman of leisure............but my kids would still go to daycare."  I was bored and looking on the working moms board. A user posted this in response to a post asking if women wish they could be a SAHM. " woman of leisure" WTF is that suppossed to mean? I get really annoyed when people think that just because I don't have an office or a paycheck that it means that I don't do anything. No, I may not get a paycheck but some of my job titles include: Cook, waitress, janitor, taxi driver, teacher, and yesterday plumber. One the the kids flushed an unbreakable comb down the toilet. After a while of plunging and using the snake I had to take the whole toilet off. It took a while. Where again does the "leisure" part come in? 


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Re: Am I a "woman of leisure" ? (annoyed)

  • I JUST READ THAT, TOO and I was equally annoyed!!!  Um, if leisure = being on the Nest for a few minutes at a time between cleaning different parts of the house while Jude is sleeping or sitting in bed, watching Wheel of Fortune while folding laundry then, yeah, my life is very leisurely. ha!
  • Holy moley, if someone had called me a "woman of leisure" last week while I was cooking and washing endless dishes and present wrapping and passing around cookies and getting drinks for friends and relatives while still caring for DD as usual, that person would have ended up with a sponge shoved down her throat!


    Nola 3.30.08

    Lucy 5.15.12


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  • I've been a working mom, and a SAHM.  And I just quit my job to SAH because its so easy, and I like to have an easy life.  Being called a woman of leisure wouldn't offend me...its kind of what I'm striving for here.

    All I have to do is take care of the baby, entertain the older kid and keep the apartment clean.  You can't get an easier life than that, and I'm extremely thankful for it.


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  • lol woman of leisure. That is a joke. I think a woman of leisure is a woman who pays to get their house clean and get to pay someone to care for their kids.
  • did you girls see the reply where the woman sent her son to daycare the week she was off so she could go shopping?! I see where her child rates in her life. She said if she was a SAHM she would send her son to daycare fulltime still. Seriously...why even have children if you don't want to spend time with them.
  • image ali-1411:

    I've been a working mom, and a SAHM.  And I just quit my job to SAH because its so easy, and I like to have an easy life.  Being called a woman of leisure wouldn't offend me...its kind of what I'm striving for here.

    All I have to do is take care of the baby, entertain the older kid and keep the apartment clean.  You can't get an easier life than that, and I'm extremely thankful for it.

    I'm not a fan of the term "woman of leisure", because I think of a woman sitting on her couch, eating bon bons, and purchasing designer clothing on her husband's credit card/ 

    However, I totally agree with the previous poster. I love being a SAHM, and I also consider it to be the easiest job I've ever had.  I really do feel bad for the working moms because I found it much more stressful to try and balance a career along with family duties.

    I'll admit that I love household chores, for the most part. Someone who doesn't enjoy keeping up their home would definitely be much more stressed out during the day than I would.

    Hawaii
  • dude, today I was TOTALLY a woman of leisure.  Kitten ended up taking two 2-hour naps today and what did I do during naptime?  Sat on my fatass and drank a glass of wine and watched Sex & The City.  I decided that since I'm done w/ school for winter break that I'm totally on vacation.  The maid comes tomorrow so fuckif I'm cleaning house today.  Yes
  • image smilejenn:

    I'm not a fan of the term "woman of leisure", because I think of a woman sitting on her couch, eating bon bons, and purchasing designer clothing on her husband's credit card/?

    i'm not gonna lie. ?there are lots of days when this is me, minus the bon bons. ?and i'm damn proud of it. ?image

  • I worked in publishing for the past 10 years. Put out 4 monthly magazines w/ a staff of 2. Being a SAHM is wayyyy harder.

     Sorry but caring for another persons life is no easy task. If someone told me that I was a women of leisure I'd knock their teeth out. I work hard 24/7.
     

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  • Totally not a woman of leisure over here. I work 24/7! My DS is not a good napper and if he does take a nap I'm usually tired I have to take a nap too..omg, I don't know how you bon bon eaters do it! lol
  • Oh yeah, I forgot to add in pp that I actually do KNOW someone who put her DS in daycare even though she was SAH. It made me so sad for her baby. She was really a woman of leisure, watching tv while baby went to daycare..it blew me away.
  • image ithadtobeyou:
    Oh yeah, I forgot to add in pp that I actually do KNOW someone who put her DS in daycare even though she was SAH. It made me so sad for her baby. She was really a woman of leisure, watching tv while baby went to daycare..it blew me away.

     That's crazy! I truly can't imagine getting any enjoyment out of life from being a lady of leisure. They don't work...they don't take care of your children...does spending other people's money give them enough self worth to feel good about themselves? lol

    Hawaii
  • image Wan-naBe:
    image smilejenn:

    I'm not a fan of the term "woman of leisure", because I think of a woman sitting on her couch, eating bon bons, and purchasing designer clothing on her husband's credit card/ 

    i'm not gonna lie.  there are lots of days when this is me, minus the bon bons.  and i'm damn proud of it.  image

    HAHA that's me except without the designer unless you consider ON designer...and the bon bons...yuck!

  • image sabrina69barnes:
    " some of my job titles include: Cook, waitress, janitor, taxi driver, teacher, and yesterday plumber.  

    NEWSFLASH.  Working moms have the same job titles on top of what our work title is.

  • Butting in but I think she meant exactly what she said - that she wishes should could afford to stay home and have help with her kids.  I'm sure there are plenty of women who feel this way.  I don't think she's saying being a SAHM is a woman of leisure. 

    And by the way, women who work outside the home also have to do all of the above.  It's not like you get to choose one or the other. 

  • LMAO. Why are ya all so sensitive? If you feel like someone said being a  SAHM is being a lady of leisure, maybe you need to rethink your self-esteem. Your issue, not mine.
  • image AlisaS:
    LMAO. Why are ya all so sensitive? If you feel like someone said being a  SAHM is being a lady of leisure, maybe you need to rethink your self-esteem. Your issue, not mine.

    Ditto! 

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  • image AlisaS:
    LMAO. Why are ya all so sensitive? If you feel like someone said being a  SAHM is being a lady of leisure, maybe you need to rethink your self-esteem. Your issue, not mine.

     

    I don't think it has anything to do with self esteem.

     I also disagree with the fact that working moms claim to come home & cook clean & do all that a SAHM does. When I worked I did a heck of a lot more take out than I do now. When I did cook it was fast & simple. Now that I'm home I need to be frugle so my meals are better & have more variety. Also I never cleaned my house the way I do now that I'm home because I'm home & it's more lived in than it was when I worked & no one was home all day.

    I'll also add again that being a SAHM is a very demanding job. I honestly would like to be able to drop DD off for a few hours while someone else watched her. I don't get a moment to myself & after awhile it wears on you. Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world.

     

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  • image MegGary:

    image AlisaS:
    LMAO. Why are ya all so sensitive? If you feel like someone said being a  SAHM is being a lady of leisure, maybe you need to rethink your self-esteem. Your issue, not mine.

     

    I don't think it has anything to do with self esteem.

     I also disagree with the fact that working moms claim to come home & cook clean & do all that a SAHM does. When I worked I did a heck of a lot more take out than I do now. When I did cook it was fast & simple. Now that I'm home I need to be frugle so my meals are better & have more variety. Also I never cleaned my house the way I do now that I'm home because I'm home & it's more lived in than it was when I worked & no one was home all day.

    I'll also add again that being a SAHM is a very demanding job. I honestly would like to be able to drop DD off for a few hours while someone else watched her. I don't get a moment to myself & after awhile it wears on you. Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world.

     

    Again - your isses.  Just because you did a lot of take out when you worked and didn't clean your house well, doesn't mean every working mom lives like that.  We never have take out during the weke - I cook for my family every night.  And yes, they are good, well-balanced meals.  My DS is at home during the day, so when I get home, there is picking up to do, the floors get dirty, etc.  And there's still laundry, cleaning up after dinner, etc.

    If you "don't get a moment to yourself" then you need to have a chat with your DH - not take it out on a bunch of women on an internet board.

     

  • image MegGary:

    image AlisaS:
    LMAO. Why are ya all so sensitive? If you feel like someone said being a  SAHM is being a lady of leisure, maybe you need to rethink your self-esteem. Your issue, not mine.

     

    I don't think it has anything to do with self esteem.

     I also disagree with the fact that working moms claim to come home & cook clean & do all that a SAHM does. When I worked I did a heck of a lot more take out than I do now. When I did cook it was fast & simple. Now that I'm home I need to be frugle so my meals are better & have more variety. Also I never cleaned my house the way I do now that I'm home because I'm home & it's more lived in than it was when I worked & no one was home all day.

    I'll also add again that being a SAHM is a very demanding job. I honestly would like to be able to drop DD off for a few hours while someone else watched her. I don't get a moment to myself & after awhile it wears on you. Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world.

     

    The original post stated nothing about the demanding job of being a SAHM. The OP in this thread jumped the gun.

    We all make choices in life - as long as you are happy and fulfilled, it is all good. If you wouldn't trade your life for the world, then great. Why do you feel you have to justify your choice?

  • There are many different ways to look at this. First of all the word "leisure" should never be used in regards to SAHM or Working moms.  I think the only time you can use the word "leisure" in regards to someone's lifestyle is for high schoolers still living at home.

    My mother was a SAHM and she worked her tail off! She is still working her tail off.  There are 6 kids still living at home.  I am currently a Working Mom and I am working my tail off.

    In regards to SAHMs, most of the time women decide to become (or stay) a SAHM is because they don't want their children to go to daycare. So it would be hard for a SAHM (who stays home to avoid daycare in most cases) to understand why a woman would become a SAHM but still send the kids to daycare. It would seem to defeat the purpose of staying home.

    Some Working Moms don't understand why some women choose staying home over a career.  Different things matter differently to different people and that's just the way life is.  Nobody should get mad at anyone else for the what they have chosen.  What you need to look at is the decision you have made for yourself AND your children and make sure you're happy with it.  There should be no regrets when it comes to raising your children.

    Me personally, I have to work because we need the income.  I can't WAIT for the day when I can become a stay at home mom.  I don't want to do daycare and my husband and I don't do it.  We work opposite shifts so that one of is home at all times.  We feel this is the best for our little girl.  I personally think that I will do the best job raising my child properly (based on my moral and religious beliefs) better than any daycare can do.  I didn't have my baby to have someone else raise her.  That's just me, I'm not applying this to anyone else.  Sorry if it offends you but everyone is different.  I do not hold this statement in regards to anyone else.  This is my belief for my family and my family alone.

  • image Ceci_Momma:

    There are many different ways to look at this. First of all the word "leisure" should never be used in regards to SAHM or Working moms.  I think the only time you can use the word "leisure" in regards to someone's lifestyle is for high schoolers still living at home.

    My mother was a SAHM and she worked her tail off! She is still working her tail off.  There are 6 kids still living at home.  I am currently a Working Mom and I am working my tail off.

    In regards to SAHMs, most of the time women decide to become (or stay) a SAHM is because they don't want their children to go to daycare. So it would be hard for a SAHM (who stays home to avoid daycare in most cases) to understand why a woman would become a SAHM but still send the kids to daycare. It would seem to defeat the purpose of staying home.

    Some Working Moms don't understand why some women choose staying home over a career.  Different things matter differently to different people and that's just the way life is.  Nobody should get mad at anyone else for the what they have chosen.  What you need to look at is the decision you have made for yourself AND your children and make sure you're happy with it.  There should be no regrets when it comes to raising your children.

    Me personally, I have to work because we need the income.  I can't WAIT for the day when I can become a stay at home mom.  I don't want to do daycare and my husband and I don't do it.  We work opposite shifts so that one of is home at all times.  We feel this is the best for our little girl.  I personally think that I will do the best job raising my child properly (based on my moral and religious beliefs) better than any daycare can do.  I didn't have my baby to have someone else raise her.  That's just me, I'm not applying this to anyone else.  Sorry if it offends you but everyone is different.  I do not hold this statement in regards to anyone else.  This is my belief for my family and my family alone.

    While this may be true for your family - kids in daycare and kids who SAH - if they have good parents - don't turn out differently.

  • image AlisaS:
    image MegGary:

    image AlisaS:
    LMAO. Why are ya all so sensitive? If you feel like someone said being a  SAHM is being a lady of leisure, maybe you need to rethink your self-esteem. Your issue, not mine.

     

    I don't think it has anything to do with self esteem.

     I also disagree with the fact that working moms claim to come home & cook clean & do all that a SAHM does. When I worked I did a heck of a lot more take out than I do now. When I did cook it was fast & simple. Now that I'm home I need to be frugle so my meals are better & have more variety. Also I never cleaned my house the way I do now that I'm home because I'm home & it's more lived in than it was when I worked & no one was home all day.

    I'll also add again that being a SAHM is a very demanding job. I honestly would like to be able to drop DD off for a few hours while someone else watched her. I don't get a moment to myself & after awhile it wears on you. Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world.

     

    The original post stated nothing about the demanding job of being a SAHM. The OP in this thread jumped the gun.

    We all make choices in life - as long as you are happy and fulfilled, it is all good. If you wouldn't trade your life for the world, then great. Why do you feel you have to justify your choice?

     Not justifying anything. Just stating my opinion. I'm a SAHM not by choice but by circumstance, I can't find work in todays economy. However, if I could choose? I'd choose to stay home w/ DD. My mother didn't with me & I always said I would if I could.
     

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  • image princess4u81:
    did you girls see the reply where the woman sent her son to daycare the week she was off so she could go shopping?! I see where her child rates in her life. She said if she was a SAHM she would send her son to daycare fulltime still. Seriously...why even have children if you don't want to spend time with them.

    Since this is me - yep the woman who has fed up priorities (I would rather do my Xmas shopping during the week while Billy has in school playing with his friends then drag him all over the mall strapped to his stroller but hey you can see where my child rates!) - I was making a joke - no one else dreams about having a day home alone with no responsibilities? - of course if I stayed home I wouldn't send my child to fulltime daycare - I would be bored out of my mind.  Give me a break! 

    I will say after reading posts on Working Mom Board and Stay at Home Board I am even prouder to be a Working Mom - we are a lot less critical of each other and other moms in general and very supportive of the choices each has made. 

    I am the luckiest woman alive!

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  • image AlisaS:
    image Ceci_Momma:

    There are many different ways to look at this. First of all the word "leisure" should never be used in regards to SAHM or Working moms.  I think the only time you can use the word "leisure" in regards to someone's lifestyle is for high schoolers still living at home.

    My mother was a SAHM and she worked her tail off! She is still working her tail off.  There are 6 kids still living at home.  I am currently a Working Mom and I am working my tail off.

    In regards to SAHMs, most of the time women decide to become (or stay) a SAHM is because they don't want their children to go to daycare. So it would be hard for a SAHM (who stays home to avoid daycare in most cases) to understand why a woman would become a SAHM but still send the kids to daycare. It would seem to defeat the purpose of staying home.

    Some Working Moms don't understand why some women choose staying home over a career.  Different things matter differently to different people and that's just the way life is.  Nobody should get mad at anyone else for the what they have chosen.  What you need to look at is the decision you have made for yourself AND your children and make sure you're happy with it.  There should be no regrets when it comes to raising your children.

    Me personally, I have to work because we need the income.  I can't WAIT for the day when I can become a stay at home mom.  I don't want to do daycare and my husband and I don't do it.  We work opposite shifts so that one of is home at all times.  We feel this is the best for our little girl.  I personally think that I will do the best job raising my child properly (based on my moral and religious beliefs) better than any daycare can do.  I didn't have my baby to have someone else raise her.  That's just me, I'm not applying this to anyone else.  Sorry if it offends you but everyone is different.  I do not hold this statement in regards to anyone else.  This is my belief for my family and my family alone.

    While this may be true for your family - kids in daycare and kids who SAH - if they have good parents - don't turn out differently.

    My point exactly, hence the "This is my belief for my family and my family alone" statement.

  • image CougBride07:
    lol woman of leisure. That is a joke. I think a woman of leisure is a woman who pays to get their house clean and get to pay someone to care for their kids.

    Are you kidding me with this?

    I *wish* I had someone to clean my house for me. Sure, someone watches my child while I'm at work, WORKING. But, just like you, I care for my child and my home when I'm not at work trying to maintain quality so I can keep our insurance coverage and food on the table. You're right, it's such a life of leisure to cram everything you do in 24 hours into the few I get at home.

    Do you think we have some magical fairy who comes in when we get home with DD? Who cooks us dinner, gives her a bath, and then does the middle of the night wakeups?

    image image
  • image Linds&Chris777:

    image sabrina69barnes:
    " some of my job titles include: Cook, waitress, janitor, taxi driver, teacher, and yesterday plumber.  

    NEWSFLASH.  Working moms have the same job titles on top of what our work title is.

    Ditto. Working moms are expected to cook, clean, waitress, drive, teach AND work full time. Being a working mom is way harder. If all I had to do all day was take care of DD. Life would be much easier. Even the SAHMs admitt it.

  • Why does one HAVE to be harder than the other? Seriously - why do people need to feel they work harder than anyone else? Lord. How about simply praising Moms and Dads for their dedication to raising their children the best they can?  And save the judging for truly crappy parents.
  •  

    Ditto this.

    I am all for controversy and drama on the nest. Lets be honest its fun. But CUT IT OUT with the WAHM vs SAHM crap. Like everything in life, neither is perfect. Make your choice and be at peace with it and stop justifying it to anyone who will listen.


  • Amen!!! Ladies move on!!!

    Kudos to the 2 above posters! 

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