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He got arrested

freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
in Single Parents
Well, I have a final restraining order and there is a 1 block radius restriction from my house. I am away on vacay so his father had permission to do work on it in preparation to sell. Our lawyers talked and we all agreed he is not to be in the house at all per the court order. Well, he went there twice and my neighbor called the cops. His father's story is that he was just dropping off Sheetrock. But the witness claims that happened in the morning and he went back yet again. I feel like we just took 10 steps backwards cause mediation went so well with his mom and I was repairing my relationship with them the best I could for the kids. Now they hate me even more.

Why would he go there like that? Why didn't he just follow the rules? Why would his dad allow this to happen? What happens now? How do we move forward?

I am so upset I wish this didn't happen. People feel he got what he deserves but I don't. When will my feelings catch up with reality?

Thanks for reading.
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Re: He got arrested

  • eg214eg214 member
    I am so sorry this happened to you. You have to remind yourself that HE KNEW the rules and CHOSE to break them. No ifs ands or buts about it. When I was married to MC, he broke the restraining order I had against him and couldn't believe it. I was home when he tried to get in the house and I wanted to shit myself in fear. I could have had his ass thrown in the brig and possibly dishonorably discharged but I didn't. Looking back, I really wish I would have because that would help me now in court showing how he doesn't give a shit and doesn't regard the law.

    Anyway, just remind yourself what I said above. It's easy to try to tell ourselves it's our fault and maybe we shouldn't have to make things easier...but they knew and they chose. Period. There are consequences to actions.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Its hard you loved him. You saw a good part of him. And to you and me who arent in his mind set its so simple. Follow the rules and you dont get into trouble. Its unfortunate his family is upset with you, as their blame is misdirected. Your xh should have known better so should his family
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  • tig594tig594 member
    He knew the rules and chose to ignore them. A lot of guys in his position don't think the rules apply to them, though. He also maybe figured your neighbor didn't know and was safe since you are gone.
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    @eg214 I think I would have shit a brick if I were home!

    Thanks guys for responding. I have to keep reminding myself that this is HIS doing and not mine.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    @Freeatlast2014 ive been in your position. And its hatd because you do tend to blame yourselffor their actions.

    My xh saw me and bd pull into a parking lot and followed us in. Bd told me to stay in the car while he got out. Bd gave xh three warnings to drive away. He didnt. He tried to get in the carwith me. Bd then proceeded to break xh face in three places.

    I blammed myself for that. And that was the night i made up my mind to move back tomnand get the hell away from bd cause hes bat crap crazy
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    Wow that is crazy. Wow.
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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    Yep, it was his choice to break the rules. He has to live with the consequences. Maybe, just maybe, that will be a lesson learned.
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  • tig594tig594 member
    I went and talked to the cops a couple weeks ago because I was afraid BD was going to do something stupid.  While speaking with the cop, it came up that BD was still texting/calling even tho he has the no contact order.  So they ask me for a statement, blah blah blah.  I had to go down today so they could take actual picture of my phone and all the texts that show without a doubt it was BDs number.  I guess the prosecutor who hates me and the detective who wasn't that nice to me last time are pursuing this.  Next thing you know, *I* will have thrown BD in jail.  Just like I threw him in jail when he was stalking me and got popped for this last DUI.  I didn't even know he was in the neighborhood.

    I know it takes time to realize that it really isn't your fault.  These dumbasses have been told.  They know the rules.  I think they are just really dumb and/or think they won't get caught breaking the law.  That's exactly what they're doing.  Breaking the law.  They are grown men and it's absolutely not something you should feel guilty about. 
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